Comments on HOW CAN A MEMORY FADE WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE ONE?

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Spoken from the heart, Dear Shelly..

posted by katray4 on August 18, 2008 at 12:34 PM | link to this | reply

No, they don't Shelly.  I love my Great-Grandparents beyond words, but in the whole of their lifetime, I only ever had two photos of them...one together, and one I had taken with him the day after we buried her.  So painful....

posted by lovelyladymonk on August 18, 2008 at 7:21 AM | link to this | reply

posted by NiteTide on August 17, 2008 at 10:43 PM | link to this | reply

shellyb

ny daughter experienced that too, she is 22 now and hasn't heard or seen him since she was 7, its sad for a young girl.

posted by lustorlove on August 17, 2008 at 9:02 PM | link to this | reply

shelly_b, I know the feeling..I was only four when my dad passed away

a few black-and-whites is all I have of him....

posted by Rumored on August 17, 2008 at 8:41 PM | link to this | reply

I was lucky to have my father aorund till I was an adult (30)

But, the last 12 years were rather terrible - he had a brain tumour.  In the last six months, I have got my photo collection scanned and am now organising it.  Maybe you could retrive some of the photos from your brothers and put an album together?  Also, letting go of the memory of your father leaving you at your young age can help you to deal with the loss - just send him love and forgiveness when you thinnk of him.  What helped me greatly was writing a letter to my parents, after they died.  It was very carthatic and a moving experience.

posted by Greenfields on August 17, 2008 at 7:28 PM | link to this | reply

One of my DILs had those same feelings and it bothered her so much as an adult that she spent sessions with a psychologist trying to understand herself.  The only memory that she could pull up from the past was a time she fell asleep in the car on a long drive and she remembers him picking her up out of the car and carrying her into the house and putting her in her bed.  He died suddenly of a massive heart attack when she was barely five.

posted by TAPS. on August 17, 2008 at 7:23 PM | link to this | reply

both my parents were the very best and the void where they were although

it's overgrown with wild flowers that bloom all year round, is still a void. I was lucky I know.

posted by Kabu on August 17, 2008 at 6:14 PM | link to this | reply

Shelly there are so many fatthers that die regretting they

left their children, or weren't there for them.  I am the same.  I have a void where a dad should be and it hurts terribly.  I long to fill it but I have no idea how...(((SheLLy )))

posted by mysteria on August 17, 2008 at 6:00 PM | link to this | reply

Sunny, I agree but there are days when I wish I could turn back

time just long enough to have that memory.  I actually forgave my father right away for leaving us like he did.  The again.  The first time I saw him was in the hospital.  He suffered from a stroke.  How could I not?

posted by shelly_b on August 17, 2008 at 5:34 PM | link to this | reply

Bel, yeah, my mom was the best!

Still is :)

posted by shelly_b on August 17, 2008 at 5:31 PM | link to this | reply

Leon, true. at least I got to see him before it was too late.

He died in 2004

posted by shelly_b on August 17, 2008 at 5:29 PM | link to this | reply

It's a tough one to deal with Shelly

I didn't know my dad until I was 16 and then he disappeared again when I was 22 and he was gone until I found his death certificate on the net 10 years later.

Just remember you were loved growing up and had a mother that wanted you...trust me that is bigger than you can imagine.

posted by Bel_ on August 17, 2008 at 5:28 PM | link to this | reply

I agree with Sunnybeach. Life doesn't always give us what we want. At least you have some measure of communication with your dad, some don't. Some individuels don't even know their biological fathers/mothers.

Count your blessings. Find something positive to fill the void. Good Luck!!!

posted by LeonsBlogs on August 17, 2008 at 5:23 PM | link to this | reply

Shelly...

We don't always get out of life, what we want.
It took me a long time to forgive my father and accept that he was the only father he knew how to be.

I had a father around till I was 17...no precious bonding memories. Barely even vague memories.

Unfortunately, we have to make due with what life hands us.

posted by Sunnybeach7 on August 17, 2008 at 5:01 PM | link to this | reply