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Bravo! Well done...
Though broken ribs and such don't feel real good..I Am sure you fought that second degree again..
posted by
Wigopa_
on June 22, 2008 at 1:19 AM
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Re: CharlieMine:
Yeah, both directly and indirectly....Long history of abuse, plus friends who've been abused. Being abused does strange things to your brain, warps your perception of things so much that what seems perfectly logical to you is actually quite irrational.... Like death as a way of escaping your feelings or preventing you from hurting other people. Check out "Manna"; that was actually written a couple of months after I stood over the kitchen sink with a paring knife in my hand, wanting to cut my wrists down to the bone so badly my arms were shaking....But I could hear my kids laughing, and I couldn't do that to them, so I got passing out drunk instead. Most of my poetry is penned to stave off demons....
posted by
CharlieMine
on June 19, 2008 at 7:01 AM
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CharlieMine:
YOU dealt with suicide?
Did you hear it? Did you hear my jaw drop? (No really, I want to know now...but OMG)
posted by
NiteTide
on June 19, 2008 at 1:24 AM
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Re: NiteTide's comment
LOL! Yeah, stubborn, proud, and not very intelligent. As one of my buddies said, "You're not very bright, but you're persistent. I like that about you!"
Thanks for the read and the comment!
posted by
CharlieMine
on June 18, 2008 at 9:27 PM
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Re: CM;
Thank you!
Maybe some day I'll blog about my own experiences with suicide here, but probably not. Too depressing. I will check this site out, though, and pass it on to the friends I mentioned. Thank you very much!
posted by
CharlieMine
on June 18, 2008 at 9:24 PM
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CM;
http://www.suicideforum.com/
Just register and log in. I found the site to be attended by about 90% between the 'tween' years; that time out of high school, seeking independence and alone. This was the time my son crashed. I had a very similar period of depression between 18-21...the longest three years of my life. Maybe depression is partially genetic, but I was shocked when I found the majority in the 'tween years. Following the social aspects and glory days (for many) after high school, struggling to make it in the real world and then realizing how lonely it can be, is a difficult time.
My father had a depression problem for several years after his retirement, and he was prone to depression through his family as well. I guess he found ways to make himself happy, but it seemed like most of his life he just worked himself to death so he wouldnt' sit around and think about how depressed he really was. It wasn't always like that with him but seemed to get even worse when he quit drinking. Mom studied about genetics and brain chemistry of depression for many years and she was able to slip him supplements and monitor his diet (because she was the cook). She really kept him afloat for many years without him even understanding why, but even when his 'brain' seemed to be chemically balanced, he had a need to be angry...I never could figure that out. It was as if being happy wasn't 'manly.' In many ways I felt it was from his upbringing because his grandfather/father were very cruel, hard men. He would laugh once in awhile and even stop himself and look embarrassed. It was really sad.
My son is A-Ok now; he has a beautiful wife and new baby and he's happy. I asked him not too long ago if the depression ever seems to creep up anymore and he said after he drinks beer. He gets red around his eyes and rashy on his neck as well. I've always known he had an allergy to something in the beer, so he doesn't drink very often. He just said if he has a gloomy time for awhile and senses it coming on (particularly in the winter months), he just looks at his beautiful wife and baby girl, thanks God for his blessings and it makes him smile and the gloom & doom begin to lift.
I know in both of these cases, they had allergies to certain foods and after they would eat or drink you could see the darkness rising and the mood changes. I'm a firm believer in therapy, but when I was suffering through a psychosomatically provoked depression from chronic pain for many years, my therapist sent me to a biochemist, a nutritionist, an atlas orthogonal chiropractor (to get my head straightened on its axis following an accident), and a naturopath. Between a 'chemically analyzed' specific diet, exercise program therapy, 'we' were able to pull me out of the darkness to good health.
Sorry for taking up so much space. If you could contribute in any way on the forum, it would be a blessing. The circle of friends is in need of volunteers desperately.
God bless you!
posted by
_CherylAnn
on June 18, 2008 at 8:51 PM
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I must say....my eyes were bulging out of my sockets when I read the ending!!! HOLY CRAP! You ARE stubborn! Anyone who can withstand that much damage and still remain standing has ALL my respect! DAAAAAAAAMN....
posted by
NiteTide
on June 18, 2008 at 3:25 PM
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Re:
Oh, yeah! It's what keeps me coming back for more, despite the losses! And even though the broken ribs hurt like hell, it was amazing to see what I could do, how I was able to stay on my feet despite my body's reaction. It gave me a lot of confidence, because I know now that in a real life situation, even if I'm badly hurt, I will be able to keep my head and do what needs to be done. This happened two years ago; I think I was a blue belt (so 6 belts into it). Just got my black in April. But even doing a form can be uplifting. You get so focused, it's like a meditation, your body takes over, and when it's done the applause surprises you, because you were in a different place, forgot anyone else was even there...Pretty cool stuff.
And I hafta say, looking back on that incident, that 'brave' is not the word I'd use to describe myself! 'Stupid' and proud, more like it! The damage done was so extensive, a second blow could easily have ruptured my liver or severed my spine. If you ever get hurt that badly in a class, for Pete's sake, don't do what I did!! You can recover your pride, but there's no recovering from paralysis or death.
Thanks for reading!
posted by
CharlieMine
on June 18, 2008 at 7:38 AM
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Great story. Brav man. I am a kick boxing enthusiast, although so far I have only made three belts, but I´m still at it. After a particularly good session, I feel as if I can fly, I love the back kicks. Do you ever feel the same?
posted by
vogue
on June 18, 2008 at 7:27 AM
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