Comments on Kindly help me edit and improve this short story--when famous, I'll pay up

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All your comments were helpful & welcome.Thanx much.I can see edits now

and how to develop characters as the story unfolds. SAM444 is correct that I tried to offer a synopsis & hopefully neough suspense for the reader to look forward to others chapters (I hear you TAPS. Thanx).

Does anyone think that NOT saying Mr. Salaam did not become bitter takes away the suspense? In other words, might I leave that a question in my first paragraph, such as, "Would he become vengeful and embittered? Or would he rise to the best there is in religion, culture, civilization?"....SHALOM

posted by salem8 on April 23, 2008 at 1:18 PM | link to this | reply

Punstar, It is a good thing you did not call me, for I am not an editor.  But, I surely did enjoy reading it and I am hoping for more chapters.

posted by TAPS. on April 23, 2008 at 2:32 AM | link to this | reply

I think you have a great synopsis of your story. I think the next order of business is to write the master plot(list for main characters, include inciting incident, goal, opposition; repeat for all important characters); a character is only in your story if he has a reason; need a back story for each major character. sam

posted by sam444 on April 21, 2008 at 8:07 AM | link to this | reply

Sweetie, I have printed this out to read properly this evening at home..

I will be back with comments later; take care dear poet

posted by mariaki on April 21, 2008 at 2:24 AM | link to this | reply

I have to ignite my printer to work. With a hard copy, it is easier to edit. Preliminary reading says that a short story should have a moving scenario from point to point. Like in telling a story. Here there is a lot of flashbacks and historical underpinnings that detracts from the idea of storytelling. In a longer work, I can see the detail being useful. But in a shortened form, everything is compressed in favor of having the story unveil itself. As it is, the key character has not evolved in time but is continuously reflective or being consumed by other issues. A story has to unfold. This character is static, though the historical narrative unfolds! Of course, the title of the tale determines what is in the tale! Hope this helps!

posted by Soul_Builder101 on April 20, 2008 at 8:32 PM | link to this | reply

Calling Marion&Mariaki,Dave&BHASKAR,Carole&CHRIS-2 READ & IMPROVE my tale

SHALOM--salaam--Shanthi AUM

http://www.candacehead.com/images/loves_horses.jpg

 

posted by salem8 on April 20, 2008 at 5:35 PM | link to this | reply