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Azur
I find it difficult to be my usual self with friends when the "cancer" word comes up because my son and my dear sister were not survivors. I was so sure that they would be all right and so in denial with their illness, that I am so afraid that I will let that show in relating to friends with that Dx when what I really want is to give support and be positive. I don't think that is too unusual as the same thing happened to me when my son was ill. A dear friend backed off and totally left me alone until my son passed away. At the funeral she cried and hugged me and told me about her son who had died and that she was afraid to say anything before lest I thought she was comparing their situations. I say all of this just to say give your friend the benefit of the doubt. She may care more than you know. Expectations only cause disappointment. I wish you all the best and expect that you will beat this thing with flying colors. There is so much better percentage of long-term survival and good health now than there was 20 years ago when my son died.
posted by
TAPS.
on February 11, 2008 at 9:58 AM
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The book is
Writer's Little Book of Wisdom, John Long and the ISBN is 1-57034-037-4. I got my copy at the bookstore. sam
posted by
sam444
on February 11, 2008 at 9:42 AM
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I don't think friendships are tested so much as redefined.
...if one has done the testing beforehand.
"Firweather friends" aren;t, but everyone has a place they won't go, or can't go for now.
posted by
majroj
on February 11, 2008 at 6:45 AM
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Virtual love and friendship, bummer. My friends have disappointed this week
I find that we are all human, however, and we all tend to disappoint at one time or another. When it happens at a really important moment, well then, it hurts deeply. I think that I did that this past year with a friend of mine. Maybe, after reading your post, I will get ahold of him and apologize for the major jerk I have been, not responding to his concerned letter about me.
Sometimes, I think that I am mentally disturbed, passing for normal. Here's hoping that never happens to you and yours. Sorry also that your friend flaked as I did with my friend.
I do love this old friend that I disappointed, so, yours might still adore you.....sigh.
posted by
benzinha
on February 11, 2008 at 2:01 AM
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posted by
Soul_Builder101
on February 10, 2008 at 4:54 PM
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Sometimes we don't know what to say, and we're so afraid
of saying the exact wrong thing, partly out of fear of hurting the person we want to talk to and partly out of making the wrong impression, we don't say anything. Sometimes we don't come by with chicken soup because we think someone else is taking up the slack and maybe we'd be intruding, which goes back to that old skit about the word assume...
So, here goes: I am sorry to hear the cancer has come back, and I hope the medics have learned something over the past two years that will help you get rid of it entirely this time. It sucks that the sh*t has hit the fan just when your creative energies and training are bearing fruit, and I hope you'll be able to keep writing because it's important, maybe not as important as saving your life and kicking hell out of your rampant attacking cells, but it's important enough to focus on and help you keep some equilibrium...
"busy" is either a lie, a damn lie, or a copout and is used to cover a sense of inadequacy and what I said in paragraph one. You were right to call your neglectful friend on their neglect... Keep writing! :)pat
posted by
Pat_B
on February 10, 2008 at 3:53 PM
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I want to swear again, Azur....
....you deserve more than that! Christ almighty...what is it with 'friends'?? I have one similar to yours and although I don't have anything close to what you are going through, I did bare my heart and got nothing in return...nothing...other than her woes which I quickly responded to as a friend would do! People do disappoint and it's so often when you need them the most. You hang in there, Azur, and know that people are thinking about you and caring and hoping like hell for the very best!!
posted by
ginnieb
on February 10, 2008 at 3:26 PM
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Maybe this person isn't worth the time.
Or maybe they really do have a valid excuse for not being able to reply. (Though I can't imagine what that might be.)
God bless.
posted by
CunningLinguist
on February 10, 2008 at 2:23 PM
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It is always tough to se a person anyway but ill one the information is released. Even the most well intentioned are as bad! sam {I know I deal with it everyday}
posted by
sam444
on February 10, 2008 at 2:21 PM
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Whom you are writing dear????
Hope you are good,
posted by
star4sky5
on February 10, 2008 at 2:11 PM
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