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Soaring and enchanting work, Ariala!
posted by
katray4
on
February 13, 2008
at
7:32 AM
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You're welcome.
posted by
FineYoungSinger
on
February 12, 2008
at
5:42 AM
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FineYoungSinger, that's sort of why I put it in there in the beginning,
though it bothered me...when you said something about it, I wondered if the image and choice of word had failed...I didn't actually like it to begin with but left it in for the very reasons you noted...I guess that though I don't care for it, it shows the imperfections and reality of what I'm trying to describe...so I should leave it. Thanks for talking it out with me.
posted by
Ariala
on
February 12, 2008
at
3:53 AM
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Also....
It gives a reason for the "broken winged flight" in the next stanza. Sometimes the harsher, more violent words give rise to a much higher form of expression, as you achieved here. What is achieved in this piece is an expression of the true depth of love--not the sappy, emotional drivel to which we've become so accustomed; but the hard, painful love for which we must sacrifice. Again, well done.
posted by
FineYoungSinger
on
February 11, 2008
at
9:34 PM
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Actually, Ariala, I wouldn't change it at all.
The word "pecked" really caught my attention, and I held it through the rest of the poem. With a different word that matches the rest of the poem, it's just another love poem. But with the word "pecked", I imagined immediately a bird pecking--for food, in defense, in attack--very violent, very passionate. The rest of the poem takes on a much more powerful tone with that image of passion at the onset. I wouldn't change it at all. Well done.
posted by
FineYoungSinger
on
February 11, 2008
at
9:24 PM
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FineYoungSinger, yes, I agree and I don't like it...I need to rewrite that
to match the rest of it! Thanks for the input!
posted by
Ariala
on
February 11, 2008
at
7:50 AM
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what a violent image to begin this poem.
posted by
FineYoungSinger
on
February 11, 2008
at
7:40 AM
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Just Brilliant Ariala! Chris.
posted by
Scramble
on
February 10, 2008
at
10:16 AM
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LOL... I did think about it... but chose this guy instead. LOL
posted by
-blackcat
on
February 10, 2008
at
8:55 AM
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hahahahahaha, I thought for sure you were going to put up that
little bird, the whipperwill LOL
posted by
Ariala
on
February 10, 2008
at
8:50 AM
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posted by
-blackcat
on
February 10, 2008
at
8:40 AM
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thank you, Sam!
posted by
Ariala
on
February 10, 2008
at
8:27 AM
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The staging of the imagery was absolutely brilliant. sam
posted by
sam444
on
February 10, 2008
at
7:57 AM
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thank you, shelly!!
posted by
Ariala
on
February 10, 2008
at
5:47 AM
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Awesome.
posted by
shelly_b
on
February 10, 2008
at
5:42 AM
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