Comments on Chapter Three----JUST REMEMBER OUR RULE

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I read all 4 chapters and I really like the story so far, it is well written, the characters have depth, they are vivid and believable. I even like the somehow "dry", distant manner of telling the story without getting emotionally involved - it, paradoxically enough, lets the reader live through the events more intensely (is there such word? ;)).

However, this particular chapter needs a bit of revising, to my opinion. The beginning is too long and repetitive, the ending too short. I'd love to hear more from the girls... do they believe the sailor-guy? Do they feel ashamed or conspicious (after all, blacking-out doesn't seem to be a part of their routine)? But this is just a suggestion.

And I'm looking forward to next chapter!

posted by hagi on December 26, 2007 at 1:57 PM | link to this | reply