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Justanotherskinnybitch, I love observing, it's what Ii do.
Thanks for stopping by.
posted by
Zena77
on October 30, 2007 at 7:56 AM
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PatB, It was a calm, peaceful morning
Sun on the bricks, just the few of us sitting on benches and chairs, listening to him play. I love starting my day with music.
posted by
Zena77
on October 30, 2007 at 7:55 AM
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Nicely drawn portrait. I can almost hear the music echoing off the bricks.
posted by
Pat_B
on October 30, 2007 at 6:11 AM
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I enjoyed your observations.
posted by
justanotherskinnybitch
on October 29, 2007 at 7:41 PM
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Hey now
I am going to pat you on the back...
THERE ARE NO RULES IN POETRY. lovely piece (reminds me of a song by Joni Mitchell). Max COhen
posted by
maxcohen
on October 29, 2007 at 3:42 AM
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John,
thank you. I actually do want to learn the poetry rules. How else will I know when to break them (and how)? I appreciate your taking the time and effort to break them down for me.
I need to get back to that poem you wrote me about the other night and see what you meant.
posted by
Zena77
on October 28, 2007 at 8:31 PM
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Like your poem, but I'm not gona pat you on your back
Just try these small changes and see how it works for you.
Word deletion:
Stz 1 line 4 (for a)
line 5 (as)
Stz 2: (across from me)
line 3 (table)
line 4 (too)
Great last line: "Like a sleepy cat" I know what a sleepy cat is, and the line stands--so why so you want to re-describe it to me? You might want to think if you want a 2nd line here.
Stz 3: Good closing. Point made, so where do the sunlasses come in?
(delete sunglasses).
I like the poem, and would not have thought about commenting like this if I had not read it 3 times.
let me know what you think, John
posted by
jfm32
on October 28, 2007 at 8:26 PM
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Zena.....
You grasped this 'scoop' as a true artist would! Well done, and simply!
posted by
Soul_Builder101
on October 28, 2007 at 6:37 PM
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hmmm
Life is simple if you let it be.... .nice....... Keep smiling...
posted by
whiteknight3128
on October 28, 2007 at 2:35 PM
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Chris, that's me the shady observor.
I do love to people watch. "you know the poem can'. I like that, the idea that I'm being observed by my own creation, or maybe rather than it's creating itself through me, and somehow already exists.
posted by
Zena77
on October 28, 2007 at 1:10 PM
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i like the sunglasses - the shady observer - the world can't see you but you know the poem can - nice
posted by
chrisja
on October 28, 2007 at 1:05 PM
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Nicely done, Zena. Imagery is excellent...
posted by
saul_relative
on October 28, 2007 at 11:55 AM
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Hi, FYS, nice to see you.
Like I told Spinner, music is a good way to start the day. I'm glad you think I got the picture.
posted by
Zena77
on October 28, 2007 at 11:45 AM
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Hi Spinner, It was a good way to start the day.
I'm glad you like this. I like to start my day with music, but live music is even better.
posted by
Zena77
on October 28, 2007 at 11:44 AM
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I can see the whole scene.
Great job!
posted by
FineYoungSinger
on October 28, 2007 at 11:44 AM
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I have wrote songs about the same sort of things good work /spinner
posted by
spinner
on October 28, 2007 at 11:42 AM
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