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Re: This chick is nuts, She's a bir crazy huh?LOL
Thanks Spanish we can all learn new things.
posted by
Irish3
on August 16, 2007 at 8:28 PM
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This chick is nuts
I am loving every minute of this story. And I am learning along with you. Good story.
posted by
spanish_dragon
on August 16, 2007 at 7:30 PM
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Re: Irish....thanks for reading ...I understand what you are saying....
who would want a relationship like this? She is a bit wild isn't she? LOL
posted by
Irish3
on August 15, 2007 at 6:24 PM
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Irish
This is the kind of relationship that's interesting to read about - but I wouldn't (personally) want to be involved in one like it...
posted by
Enigmatic68
on August 15, 2007 at 6:13 PM
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Re: Irish Sally thank you sweetheart....I just did check out "NOT "
I laughed soooo hard keep it coming girl....thanks for reading.
posted by
Irish3
on August 15, 2007 at 6:07 PM
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Re: Irish - Wonderful! You're improving by leaps and bounds. I'm amazed at
Mary....thank you so much for the compliments....and as always the excellent advice...I love that you are bothering to help me I appreciate truly....and I see what you mean thanks again.
posted by
Irish3
on August 15, 2007 at 6:05 PM
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Re: wow,what a vivid scene. I just wanted to carry on reading.
Proc....thank you very much....I'm glad to hear that, thanks so much for the kind words.
posted by
Irish3
on August 15, 2007 at 6:03 PM
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Irish
I think this is wonderfully written and wouldn't change a thing...Love the volatility and emotion
PS...You should check out the Land of Not when you have a chance my friend~
posted by
Offy
on August 15, 2007 at 5:56 PM
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Irish - Wonderful! You're improving by leaps and bounds. I'm amazed at
how quick a study you are. Well done! You're delineating these characters really well, the was and were words are almost gone, you're showing so much more. BRAVA! I'm so proud of you! As discussed, a couple of notes:
The two talked only when necessary, and Kelli accepted drinks from anyone and everyone, pissing Mark off even further.This is something you have to watch. The first paragraph is filled with, ‘and’ words. This is an example where you could make two sentences. ie) The two only talked when necessary. Kelli exacerbated the rift between them by accepting drinks from anyone and everyone, pissing Mark off to the point he could hardly contain his anger. Or something like that; just writing off the top of my head here......
holding it under cold water Mark winced. Kelli felt guilty
, but refrained showing her concern..... This is something to try to stay away from as well and this is using words like, ‘felt’. Show instead of telling, even if she is 'refraining', show some small detail to denote her struggle. This is getting inside a character. Think of a camera lens at times taking extreme close-ups, then pulling back or panning the setting. Did she take a small step back? Glance down at the floor, the ceiling? Did her cheeks pink a little? Did she choke back on her drink? Just one sentence here can show instead of tell and will pull the reader inside her emotions. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful!
posted by
FoliageGold
on August 15, 2007 at 5:51 PM
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wow,what a vivid scene. I just wanted to carry on reading.
posted by
proc
on August 15, 2007 at 5:33 PM
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Re: Is she his wild Irish rose? Could be she just could be.
Thanks for taking time to read...have a great night Decshak...
posted by
Irish3
on August 15, 2007 at 5:16 PM
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Is she his wild Irish rose?
posted by
WindTapper
on August 15, 2007 at 4:47 PM
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