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Re: This is getting interesting...
Sheilah....thanks...glad you are liking....and reading...have a great day.
posted by
Irish3
on August 14, 2007 at 5:30 AM
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This is getting interesting...
i
posted by
Sheilah
on August 13, 2007 at 9:31 PM
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Re: wow..... Glad you like it Spanish....
As far as what kind of man.....one who wants to win the ultimate prize and willing to go to the limit for her. Thanks for reading....
posted by
Irish3
on August 13, 2007 at 6:23 PM
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wow
you had me going-though what kind a man would push this that far? Tell me more
posted by
spanish_dragon
on August 13, 2007 at 3:32 PM
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Re: Irish, Enigmatic thanks for reading....
and commenting always nice to hear from you.
posted by
Irish3
on August 13, 2007 at 2:38 PM
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Re: Irish - Forgot to mention that you're introducing description more and in
Mary thanks....I learned from a pro ha ha thank you truly I appreciate.
posted by
Irish3
on August 13, 2007 at 2:36 PM
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Re: Irish - I wasn't expecting this twist and I wonder about his motivation.
Mary, as always thanks girl....I understand what you are saying....and will keep in mind. Thanks for the positive notices as well.
His motivation....he knew she would not just believe him, so he acted the villain hoping she'd react as she did. He doesn't want to hurt her.
posted by
Irish3
on August 13, 2007 at 2:34 PM
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Irish - Forgot to mention that you're introducing description more and in
a really good way AS well AS you're showing character emotion better instead of telling. BRAVA!
posted by
FoliageGold
on August 13, 2007 at 1:46 PM
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Irish - I wasn't expecting this twist and I wonder about his motivation.
You're getting so much better at dropping the 'was' and 'were' passive tense. Well done! As we've discussed, a few notes below:
while picking up some alcohol - Try to stay away from ‘while’ and ‘as’ AS much as possible. Ha, ha, I just used one. Reason is, especially for ‘as’, it’s great to use in a simile. If ‘as’ is used too much it takes the power away from immediate action and when you do use it in a simile. Same goes for ‘while’, use it sparingly and when necessary.
not to his house as
Kelli expected.
sign blinked vacancy as Mark
as
he opened the door,
studied his eyes, while he moved close.
as
he felt her wince,
it stung like a hundred bee stings
, - WONDERFUL!
Kelli’s nostrils flared and tears welled, she trembled and sat on the bed
. - GREAT!
her lashes flashed blinking away the wet drops leaking. - TERRIFIC!
her lip quivered as she thought about
Again
he smiled then kissed her
again. - Try to avoid using the same word so close together, especially in the same sentence.
posted by
FoliageGold
on August 13, 2007 at 1:39 PM
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Irish
Yes, so many possibilities...
posted by
Enigmatic68
on August 13, 2007 at 12:09 PM
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Re: hmpf Whysper.....hey there....
Maybe she'll be kind....or catch him when he falls....Possibilities.
posted by
Irish3
on August 13, 2007 at 11:19 AM
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hmpf
nice story telling though, I can see he's blinding himself for a fall. It'll hurt bad when it hits him.
posted by
Whysper
on August 13, 2007 at 11:07 AM
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