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DivineDiva
the only thing they can do is to learn to live within their means.

posted by richinstore on February 26, 2007 at 7:01 AM | link to this | reply

Let them sink or swim.
A rose from Bo =^..^= and one from me!

posted by Whacky on February 25, 2007 at 8:55 PM | link to this | reply

DD
for what it's worth, I agree with both Masky and jacenta. I think a bit of 'tough love' here is the only wise course to follow!

posted by Nautikos on February 25, 2007 at 7:37 PM | link to this | reply

Jacenta

Thank you for your insight. This is how my parents helped me too. You've all brought me the clarity I need.

Thank you my friends

posted by DivineDiva on February 25, 2007 at 6:11 PM | link to this | reply

I too agree with Masky .

posted by afzal50 on February 25, 2007 at 5:45 PM | link to this | reply

DivineDiva...
Raising a large family there were times when we just didn't have enough money to go around.  I worked, attended college and raised the kids and my husband worked full time.  My father watched, he once told me I was the first person he knew that had only 24 cents in their checking account, and knew it.  He would tell one of the children to tell Mom, they were going to town with Grandpa.  He would buy them a pair of shoes, that he noticed they needed.  He always came through in small ways when he knew we were doing our best.  At times, we probably made bad decisions, it is easy to live beyond our means, but sometimes a little money is needed just to enjoy things together as a family.  Just being there to help with small things that are needed is a blessing.  My father could have easily given us money, but he wanted us to work at being responsible and learn to manage our money so we could stand on our own feet when he was no longer around to help.  I respect my father for the way he handled the entire situation.  I love him a lot, too!Best wishes to you and your's.

posted by jacentaOld on February 25, 2007 at 4:46 PM | link to this | reply

Masky

I think you are right. They are doing ok as far as food etc. but have debt they shouldn't have. I'll help with the non-essentials and give advice (when asked) instead of money.

Thanks for the advice !

posted by DivineDiva on February 25, 2007 at 4:38 PM | link to this | reply

Divine
You know...if it gets to where you need to do something help them with stuff like groceries or stuff with the baby as you mentioned.  I had to learn by doing for myself and changing my spending and splurging ways...it was tough, but it was a good lesson.  My youngest sister, who is 32, hasn't learned that lesson yet and my parents are fed up and refuse to bail her out again. 

posted by ---Masky--- on February 25, 2007 at 4:33 PM | link to this | reply

Thanks Chilitree
I think I needed a little reassurance

posted by DivineDiva on February 25, 2007 at 4:29 PM | link to this | reply

I agree with Masky.

posted by Chilitree on February 25, 2007 at 4:27 PM | link to this | reply

Masky

very tough, I have the means so it is hard to sit back and see them struggle but at the same time they need to figure it out without Mom, right? For presents I usually buy them stuff they need (furniture for the baby) and then once in a while I give them a night out on me.

I am thinking this is the best route to go. Help them a little, and let them work it out themselves.

posted by DivineDiva on February 25, 2007 at 4:27 PM | link to this | reply

Divine...
I'm 35 years old...well...will be in less than a month...and I don't think you should bail them out again.  It was nice of you to help them out with an interest free loan, but unless they do something to better themselves another loan would send a mixed message that how they're handling themselves is okay with you and that you'll bail them out again in the future.  It's tough, huh? 

posted by ---Masky--- on February 25, 2007 at 4:18 PM | link to this | reply