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Sorry that you were treated that way, RedScribe
First a hug:
Second, let me say that I have felt the same kind of loss, except that I am a man, and I went through two divorces. It is cold, this attitude that a marriage was nothing, despite all the love you felt and gave. What heartless monsters are members of the opposite sex. Are they capable of feeling love at all? I have felt it all myself.
Third, we need to talk about where you go from here. As many others have suggested here, you need to first grieve the loss of that love. I know it sounds trite and pop-psychish, but it is true that it is like a death. Deny it a little. Wail over it. Be angry with it. Then reclaim the love you had invested in it by remembering those moments of love repaid or given. Just because your ex-love claims there was no love there does not mean it is true. In fact, it is just a lie they tell themselves to justify their bad decision. You are worth being loved because you were loved and you loved.
Finally, I am going to tell you something that I am trying this time, despite having been given this advice after my first marriage ended and before I started the courtship that resulted in my second marriage. Don't jump into another commitment until you have a chance to reclaim your sense of who you are. Of course, in my case, this go-around, I have only sorta followed this. It was only a few months after my ex-wife had finally moved out (five months after the divorce was finalized and over two years after she started it) and I had then my own space again to be me in, that I met the most wonderful woman. I am sure that my self-destructive courtship has been motivated by the desire to make sure that this beautiful and charming lady knows I am interested and will always be interested in her while still giving me some time to reestablish "me", my career, my finances and my stability. You, I gather, have no such complication and can easily focus on being "you".
Then, when you do not need someone else and have a whole person to offer to another, sometime after that, you will find someone to whom you are drawn, to whom all the signs point, whom you think that God is leading you to be a partner with in your life from that point on. It may not come by a predetermined age -- ignore the "biological clock" and all other advice to rush to "find someone" -- but it will come from someone you meet through a common interest, work or church, when you are just being yourself.
Take care, good care of yourself,
Carl Peter
posted by
cpklapper
on February 1, 2007 at 10:08 PM
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Hello, Redscribe
I am really sad for you. I'd heard and seen many cases similar to yours. And I'm disappointed with men who when in love would go down on their knees to beg but when fallen out of love, they destroy whatever there is, even up to the extent of destroying the reputation of women morally, mentally and physically. They are not worth crying for. It takes time to heal, no doubt about it. The only thing you can do now is to cry and get over it. You'll feel much better after crying.Good Luck.
posted by
richinstore
on February 1, 2007 at 6:24 PM
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I'm so sorry to hear this
I felt the same way after my relationship ended, 9 months ago... it took time to heal. But things have worked out well in the end for me, and I'm sure they will for you, too.
posted by
Kasthu
on February 1, 2007 at 9:14 AM
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I totally know where you are coming from. I am not sure I am capable of falling in love again. My breath is gone as well. I read this entry and though you were talking about me. If you figure it out please let me know how to make it through.
posted by
msugatinha
on January 31, 2007 at 10:23 PM
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RedScribe
You have described it way better than me. I am going through the same thing right now. Although I broke it off with this guy, it was for the better because he was damaging me.
I am a realist now, and my thinking has suddenly become so unbelievable clear! It's amazing, this feeling! It's as though I've "seen the light", and am now able to decifer what I want and how I am able to get it!
Good luck and keep writing on this subject, I'm very interested to know how you get on from this.
Lauren
posted by
LaurenFinnerty
on January 31, 2007 at 10:00 PM
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Thank you OneTime
Tears and a hot bath work wonders....
posted by
RedScribe
on January 31, 2007 at 5:00 PM
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Red Scribe.. I am so sorry
please take care of yourself for a while dear.. take some time to heal.
posted by
Blue_feathers
on January 31, 2007 at 4:28 PM
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