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Muser
you are very insightful... I was angry when I posted, and this has been going on for too long. He acts as though nothing ever happened, and as you say,keeping the peace means keeping my opinions - or more precisely, my concerns - to myself. Then you get complaints that you are not talking! I'd be ok on my own if I went home, but he even tries to block that (again, as of five minutes ago!).
posted by
mneme
on January 29, 2007 at 2:01 AM
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Never, I hope...You have too many IMPORTANT things to say!
mneme, once again I can relate to your post in a very personal way! After reading this post, however, I am encouraged that you sound angry...not cowed...not backing down...NOT keeping your mouth shut... Why should your ideas, thoughts, opinions not count or matter? When I was in counseling, my therapist basically told me I would not be able to get beyond being hurt... being the victim...until I got angry. Again, there was a time I could have written this post...verbatim! I am not a proponent of divorce...I fought valiantly to save my first marriage...as you have, as you are... but is saving your marriage worth becoming an aquiescent shadow of your former self whose opinions hold no value? Is walking on eggshells several paces behind your husband, and not speaking without weighing each word carefully so as not to ruffle any feathers the way you want to spend the rest of your life? I can tell you from experience that breaking away and living alone was daunting at first, but it didn't take me long to realize that living alone...in peace...on my terms...was WONDERFUL! I had become a shadow...worse...a kind of geisha intent on always pleasing my husband at the expense of self; I lived that life for a year...PLEASE! It wasn't worth the time...
posted by
muser
on January 26, 2007 at 11:57 PM
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Taps
You and me both, it seems. I am patient enough, to a point. Shrinking violet, I am not.
posted by
mneme
on January 24, 2007 at 1:16 AM
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mneme
Very hard to do--keeping the mouth shut at the right time. I know!
posted by
TAPS.
on January 23, 2007 at 4:40 PM
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Tonyzonit
if only it were that simple. This is what happens when you move countries and the marriage goes bad. Complications everywhere. I'll be ok.. thanks for being nice.
posted by
mneme
on January 23, 2007 at 12:44 AM
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Joe Love
- you get it, why doesn't he? Willing now to 'take his share' and apologizing for what he did (with qualifications) but after only four nights with me in another room has insisted I return to the bedroom because he can't sleep when I'm not there. The point being that, yet again, he is deciding for me when I can be ok about this. - which of course I am not.
posted by
mneme
on January 23, 2007 at 12:42 AM
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presley
exactly the problem. I am not supposed to have issues. All he wants is a quite wife. Me, I just want a quiet life! One-way tickets to my mother's house in the UK are looking very attractive right now.
posted by
mneme
on January 23, 2007 at 12:39 AM
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Hi Mneme - sorry to hear about this.
As long as you keep believing in yourself, hopefully things will come right in the end. Nobody is defined by what anyone else says or does!
posted by
Antonionioni
on January 22, 2007 at 3:27 PM
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It doesn't matter WHAT your tone was like. He has no business
pushing you. Period.
posted by
Joe_Love
on January 22, 2007 at 3:23 PM
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mneme
How does one communicate if they keep their mouth shut?
posted by
Presley
on January 22, 2007 at 5:04 AM
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richinstore
I agree. I have been racking my brains for years trying to figure him out.
posted by
mneme
on January 22, 2007 at 4:26 AM
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nmene,
i think there should be 'give and take' in a relationship.
posted by
richinstore
on January 22, 2007 at 4:23 AM
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twisted mom
I wrote with a certain amount of irony, because that is what he says to me all the time. If only I would keep my mouth shut.. and yet most arguments start because I answer him on something he brings up. I just don't answer the right way.
posted by
mneme
on January 22, 2007 at 4:00 AM
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afzal50
Good point; I start out being even-toned, but find it hard to stay calm when he starts to over-react.
posted by
mneme
on January 22, 2007 at 3:57 AM
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That unfortunately sounds very familiar....I am sorry...and no..they are not mistakes...it is his mistake...
posted by
twisted_mom
on January 22, 2007 at 3:49 AM
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Why should you keep your mouth shut when others are in the wrong ?
I think you could only change the tone . Thanks.
posted by
afzal50
on January 22, 2007 at 3:42 AM
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