Comments on The Temptations Of The Flesh

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ergh, proofing subject lines before posting, another goal: "you did say"

that should read.

posted by Blanche. on November 25, 2006 at 10:03 AM | link to this | reply

Jazwolf, I've re-read your comment (you did "posts" plural), so you read

the first post, as well. I'll work on both this weekend.  I know that the run-on sentences are one of my biggest weaknesses.  I'll work on those as well. Thank you for your time and attention in looking this over, I know how valuable that is when you're working free-lance.  Take care.

posted by Blanche. on November 25, 2006 at 10:03 AM | link to this | reply

Jazwolf, I did ask,and thank you. The statement about needing dialog

rather than just narrative helps a lot.  That and the run-on sentences.  That is why I need to edit more.  I wondered, it's funny because the first piece got 39 comments and this one's barely been read it seems.

So, I need to change something.  Thank you for the compliment on writing compelling narrative, but I guess it does need work.  If you wouldn't mind taking a look at the first post, too, I would really appreciate it. Thanks, Jazwolf.

posted by Blanche. on November 25, 2006 at 7:48 AM | link to this | reply

Blance--- You asked for my opinion regarding your fiction, I believe. (I

hope that I didn't imagine that.) Okay, here it is: You write compelling narrative. That's a big plus. But the entries that I read contained little if any dialogue. In general, you can't sustain a long work of fiction without dialogue and action to complement the narrative. You need to pull the reader into the world you've created and you need action and dialogue to do that. Exceptions exist, of course.  As to mechanics: In general, good. But you do tend to tie sentences together with commas (comma splices). Long and complex sentences are fine, but they are not the same as run-on sentences spliced together with commas. I hope that this helps.

posted by Jazwolf on November 25, 2006 at 7:37 AM | link to this | reply

Thank you, Sannhet and TVBlogger, two very discerning critics.

posted by Blanche. on November 17, 2006 at 6:30 PM | link to this | reply

Excellent writing

Very descriptive, and rawly honest.  Yes, I look forward to the next installment too.

posted by TVBlogger on November 15, 2006 at 11:11 AM | link to this | reply

Blanche -

You're getting me hooked. I want to see what happens next.

posted by sannhet on November 14, 2006 at 7:55 AM | link to this | reply

Justi, hitting the wall and splatteing like a ripe tomato? There's an

image!  I do know what you mean, though, exactly.

posted by Blanche. on November 14, 2006 at 4:31 AM | link to this | reply

Blanche

I think we all are capable of hitting the wall sometimes and splattering like an over ripe tomato. It is amazing how he changes our minds about a lot of things isn't it. You be blessed.

posted by Justi on November 13, 2006 at 9:03 PM | link to this | reply

Thank you, Justi, as you know we all succumb to the temptations of the

flesh. I didn't even know Christ then, so I had very little defense as it was. I became cynical and hardened. Not like I am today, lol. I am better than I was, and by the grace of God, hopefully getting better every day.  He is an amazing God, truly. Be blessed yourself. Your sister in Christ, Blanche.

posted by Blanche. on November 13, 2006 at 7:25 PM | link to this | reply

Blanche

That is a very hard ordeal. I gather you are back on top and holding your own at this time. Be blessed and continue to heal. A very good read.... if sad.

posted by Justi on November 13, 2006 at 6:47 PM | link to this | reply