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Thank you for your comments.
They are very beneficial and very helpful. I don't believe he is in a mind to compromise at this time, in which case it isn't the best situation for me and I may need to say good bye.
posted by
Captivation
on October 23, 2006 at 1:30 PM
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I think you guys might be worrying too much, no?
....his wishes are fairly selfish ii he's sticking to his goals (kids and a 2nd job) and he's not willing to (according to what you;ve wrttien) to deviate from them, even with you and your wants in his life. Life is nothing more than a series of concessions and compromises; what happens in two or four years and he suddenly changes his mind, yet he's pushed you away because of his unwillingness to compromise? There aren't any hard answers that will alleviate your problem, but the bottom line is some kind of compromise between you guys, where you both agree to move forward with the plan to have kids, but get rid of the drop dead dates on when kids might happen. Maybe you'll never have kids, maybe they'll come much sooner than eight years and if they do, you'll both have to deal with that possibility, which in my experience, is not a life ending event, but a beginning where the rewards far outweigh the hardships. His kids might enjoy smaller siblings and he's making assumptions based on nothing that his kids have to be long gone before he has any more, yet he will no doubt enjoy becoming a father once again and you will be the mother you want to be. To try to structure lives around so many unknowns is essentially impossible. Bottom line is that you need his assurances now, not years down the road. If he can;t give you those assurances, then you need to look hard at whether you want to stay.You do have time.
posted by
FranklyMydear1
on October 23, 2006 at 1:01 PM
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I think an 8 year commitment is a lot for him to ask... is he making any
compromises for your happiness or is it all about his wants and needs? Sounds like he needs to be straight with you... and you need to decide if he's the one you want for the rest of your life, or if you'd rather have children with someone else.
posted by
-blackcat
on October 23, 2006 at 12:24 PM
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