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Schatz, since I have had to figure out for myself what this all means,
like I said to your comment in my blog, I believe that my crisis was an emergent spiritual crisis and if treated propertly (with medication, but loving support, whch is crucial, because despite everyone's constant refrain of "take your meds and you'll be fine". it's not the pills or just the pills that make a sane, happy life, but love.
You sound like a wonderful wife and mother. Christ happens to be what I believe in, for too many reasons and experiences to explain clearly, I'm just beginning to try to make sense of all the sensory information coming at me, and would not begin to tell someone else, which way to worship God. I don't really know what to believe at times, but I do know that I believe that the Bible, as revered and worthy of respect as it is, is an antiquated, highly edited, translated multiple times document written by fallible men (key word there being "men") of another time and period.
I studied it to become self-taught, but something clicked when I read the one phrase, "I will write my word on your heart", in whatever New Testament book that was in, and after that, I didn't rely so much on quoting chapter and verse, but in seeking the inner wisdom of the spirit in my heart, because I believe absolutely in the Holy Spirit, indwelling in my heart, that is the truth I seek.
posted by
Blanche.
on October 15, 2006 at 6:40 PM
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I think maybe you and I are more alike than you think. I do mean agnostic,
though, and not atheist. I am a very spiritual person, I just don't have faith in "Christ", thus making me a christian. I have faith in a loving entity (god, goddess) or an energy if you will, and just because it feels right to me. I have never found a religion that even close to describes what I feel to be the power that I have faith in, the power that I have awe for, and the power to which I pledged to be wife to my husband and mother to each of my kids. Just because I don't belong to a church doesn't mean that
holy means something different to me. When you've been through real hell, it makes you have faith, or lose faith. I never say never.
posted by
Schatz
on October 14, 2006 at 6:28 PM
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Never say never, Schatz, I was raised agnostic,
college reinforced my intellectual disdain of the church, and I still am disdainful of orthodoxy and literalism. I don't like the term "born again" or "saved". they sound hokey to me, and I could not reach a religious epiphany to save my soul, hehe, though I wanted to so badly. I've always been a seeker.
I wouldn't wish some of my experiences on my own worst enemy, the nightmare of insanity, but in the final analysis, what did save me, was abandoning my intellect, reaching the limits of it, as much as I've always relied on my mind and reason. I literally feel like I've been through a metaphorical hell, where the roots of my mind were stripped away, and the only thing standing between me and the abyss was faith.
posted by
Blanche.
on October 14, 2006 at 11:58 AM
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