Go to Underground
- Add a comment
- Go to The Older Aches of a Passing Moral
symphony, thank you
Unfortunately, I think most of us learn the hard way...
posted by
Artifact
on
September 29, 2006
at
10:46 AM
| |
reply
nonconformist
I feel myself moving in that direction too. I used to have a "code" with some of my friends where I would make a certain gesture when I was telling a lie, so that they would know but could pretend they didn't. It was pretty entertaining, actually.
posted by
Artifact
on
September 29, 2006
at
10:45 AM
| |
reply
Excellent post.....
I can relate to you - although I sadly learned the hard way to find this out.
posted by
_Symphony_
on
September 29, 2006
at
7:29 AM
| |
reply
I find I take this too far and am constantly analysing what people say....
...unless it is someone I know and understand well. In fact sometimes I'm so busy analysing what they said last that I miss what they said next (which doesn't get me very far!)
posted by
nonconformist
on
September 28, 2006
at
11:54 AM
| |
reply
Rumored, I wish people would!
I know that sometimes it's either too hard to get to the point or
someone may not know how to go about it. But we lose so much time
in miscommunication - time we don't really have!
posted by
Artifact
on
September 28, 2006
at
9:29 AM
| |
reply
TV, I just got a mental image
Of little dialogue bubbles coming out of someone's nose...haha...it's not a bad suggestion though. Thanks for the advice!
posted by
Artifact
on
September 28, 2006
at
9:28 AM
| |
reply
Whacky, I agree emphatically!
Which is one of the reasons I
hate talking on the phone. You miss so much in that exchange, that it almost doesn't make it worth it.
posted by
Artifact
on
September 28, 2006
at
9:27 AM
| |
reply
Blanche, money for everyone!
I was trying to not-so-subtly suggest you should mail me a million dollars
posted by
Artifact
on
September 28, 2006
at
9:27 AM
| |
reply
Arti, I know what you're saying here is deeper than that old saying..
"say what you mean or mean what you say", but it's close..my question is, why do we always have an ulterior motive?..well, maybe not always, but close to it...we sure have complicated communications over the years..another old phrase is maybe applicable here: "Why don't you stop beating around the bush and just tell me what's on your mind?"....
posted by
Rumor
on
September 28, 2006
at
7:26 AM
| |
reply
Communication is all about subtext
As you move through this life, you'll start to learn more and more how to read people and begin to understand what they really want to communicate. A good way to learn this skill is to start with yourself. There are times I'm getting ready to say something then ask myself, "What am I really trying to tell them?" For instance, "Am I telling coworkers about my weekend because I think they actually care, or because I want to prove I'm not a loser who spends her weekend alone." Once I understand what my subtext is, then I can choose whether or not to speak. When you master this, it's just a natural extension that your writing will improve.
And it's okay when you write, to write "on the nose" dialogue. That's a film term and not sure if it's used elsewhere. Write your first draft on the nose, then go back and edit the dialogue to include subtext and you've got it!
posted by
TVBlogger
on
September 27, 2006
at
8:11 PM
| |
reply
Words are only a small part of communication!
posted by
Whacky
on
September 27, 2006
at
7:51 PM
| |
reply
You lost me there, Artifact, what did I miss about the $1 million?
I would love that, too, lol.
posted by
Blanche.
on
September 27, 2006
at
7:46 PM
| |
reply
You know Blanche...
Wouldn't it be nice if I suddenly got $1 million in the mail? That sure would be great.
...okay, so I'm not good at this thing, LOL!
posted by
Artifact
on
September 27, 2006
at
7:45 PM
| |
reply
Artifact, I think i't's a lifetime job trying to figure myself and other
people. out. Studying character and motivation are the primary subjects of literature, which is what I love about them. Figuring out why people do what they do. I try to bear in mind my own biases, like Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle, the observor changes the thing observed.
You're right about guys being good at manipulating. How could I forget, lol?
posted by
Blanche.
on
September 27, 2006
at
7:43 PM
| |
reply
Thank you, Bhaskar!
posted by
Artifact
on
September 27, 2006
at
7:38 PM
| |
reply
Blanche, people are very complicated!
I can sometimes read into what people are doing but it still surprises
me. I am of the opinion that you should not do or say something
if you don't understand
why
you're doing or saying it, but I guess that level of awareness isn't
always possible. I don't really subscribe to the idea that women
are the primary manipulators in our society, either; I know too many
guys who excel at it to believe that.
posted by
Artifact
on
September 27, 2006
at
7:38 PM
| |
reply
Passion, it's sad but true
There really is no way to pad the truth, either. Lies obfuscate
them and make one dishonest, in my opinion, so I respect people who
tell it like it is - and who don't try to rub it in people's faces,
either!
posted by
Artifact
on
September 27, 2006
at
7:35 PM
| |
reply
Artifact
Very nice. Very enjoyable, and encouraging reflection
posted by
Bhaskar.ing
on
September 27, 2006
at
6:35 PM
| |
reply
Artifact, I remember having an "Aha moment" a lot like this one, when I was
19, my first year in college. I read a book on rhetoric and communications, and somebody finally spelled it out for me, just what you said, people have other motives besides what they're saying on the surface. Of course, it took a lot longer for me to really "get" it, but finally it's sunk in.
As for women trying to manipulate you to get you to do something. Well, I hate to say it, but our gender is famous for that, and rightly so. It's one of the things I love about my boyfriend, he isn't clueless about undercurrents and nuances of motive. In fact, we spend a lot of time discussing his mainly female coworkers, his customers and bosses, to figure out where they're really coming from. A lot of times people don't even know their own motives, so asking them to be direct would be pointless, you have to figure it out from the clues.
posted by
Blanche.
on
September 27, 2006
at
6:31 PM
| |
reply
I've always been an honest person who speaks her mind.
And this usually gets me in trouble...People really don't want to hear the truth anymore.
posted by
Passionflower
on
September 27, 2006
at
4:45 PM
| |
reply
Copy (or write down) this comment's web address (URL), which is:
Next, go to the email or web page where you want to link to this comment, and paste
(or type) the web address.
