Go to Earth Magic
- Add a comment
- Go to A Desperate Longing Created My Anti-Social Behavior
Avant, you have sung a familiar song here
the more we try to be accepted externally, the greater the internal rift between self-acceptance and self-loathing. I admire anyone who makes a stand to these habits. Great post.
posted by
Jomei
on September 26, 2006 at 1:46 AM
| link to this | reply
nonconformist
Yes, much of the time it's as if I were out of the tunnel. Every now and then, though, it's as if I unconsciously chose to reenter it to discover the truth of it.
posted by
avant-garde
on September 25, 2006 at 3:10 PM
| link to this | reply
Dave
Cheers.
posted by
avant-garde
on September 25, 2006 at 3:09 PM
| link to this | reply
What you say makes sense....
...but it seems you have understood the problem now and sorted it out. I have made the mistake since I was a child of telling myself I don't even want the things which I actualy do. (Because I knew I was not going to get them anyway.) I'm not talking about just material things. Of course as someone said "Those who don't ask don't get." So it is just self perpetuating, But we all find ways to deal with these problems. At least if we only hurt ourselves and not others that is good. Also I think we then have more chance of seeing what we are doing and remedying the situaation. Good luck.
posted by
nonconformist
on September 25, 2006 at 3:08 PM
| link to this | reply
posted by
_dave_says_ack_
on September 25, 2006 at 7:57 AM
| link to this | reply
SYMPHONY
I think my experiences pale next to yours. But, we are each learning, growing, and discovering. Thanks for the visit.
posted by
avant-garde
on September 25, 2006 at 7:56 AM
| link to this | reply
Dave
I consider you a friend, as well. And, your disagreement hasn't tarnished that one bit. Disagreement stimulates inquiry and investigation. That's a good thing if used wisely.
posted by
avant-garde
on September 25, 2006 at 7:55 AM
| link to this | reply
Tanga
Precisely. Thank you.
posted by
avant-garde
on September 25, 2006 at 7:54 AM
| link to this | reply
yumichan
Thanks for the input. Ironic, isn't it?
posted by
avant-garde
on September 25, 2006 at 7:54 AM
| link to this | reply
Bright Irish
You're grandmother was very wise.
posted by
avant-garde
on September 25, 2006 at 7:52 AM
| link to this | reply
Whacky
A'int that the truth!
posted by
avant-garde
on September 25, 2006 at 7:52 AM
| link to this | reply
Passionflower
Sometimes, I feel as though I've moved on. Sometimes, I wonder.
posted by
avant-garde
on September 25, 2006 at 7:51 AM
| link to this | reply
Wiley
Sounds like you have some good kids. I'm not so sure any of us teaches our kids what we intend. That's the beauty of it.
posted by
avant-garde
on September 25, 2006 at 7:51 AM
| link to this | reply
This is a great post....I can relate to you very much.
I like Dave's comment and agree with him...
posted by
_Symphony_
on September 25, 2006 at 7:09 AM
| link to this | reply
A-G, this is possibly not entirely true. You seem to be beating yourself up
a little of late. Which, in my opinion, is an unwarranted attack on yourself by yourself. But this is because you are a person who does take very great pains to look at the self. And this is one of the reasons I read you, because you take a good look at the inner self. And I like that introspective questioning - it encourages me to also look at my own inner emotional workings. So while you're taking a look at self and showing a dissatisfaction with it, I'm looking on, reading you and liking you more and more. In short, you may not have come fully to like yourself, but your process of close examination has led me to like you. So other people can love you before you have come to love yourself. I think this is true of me also, and probably of others.
And in part, this is where friendship begins.
So we could be in disagreement on this one.
Your friend,
Dave.
posted by
_dave_says_ack_
on September 25, 2006 at 4:01 AM
| link to this | reply
Very wise words
Reminds me of a saying: "Take the log out of your eye before trying to take the splinter out of someone else's."
posted by
Tanga
on September 25, 2006 at 1:25 AM
| link to this | reply
That is true...
"I am the only one whom I can control and change". That phrase has been always inside of me too. The more I realize that, the more living becomes fun! The people who always seek for other's admiration appraisal are the ones who do not have confidence in themselves, I have felt. I was like that before. Once I start to love myself by understaing myself deeper and deeper, I came not to have fear about the estimation that other people have on me. yumichan
posted by
yumichan
on September 24, 2006 at 10:50 PM
| link to this | reply
avant-garde
Hi.. It takes courage to learn about our true selves. Many of us believe we have to keep a tight lid on our emotions when we should be truly feeling them and seeking the sources within ourselves that envoke anger and hurt. It seems to me that the more we try to surpress our emotions the more rigid we become and our hearts will harden. None of us are perfect and we must learn from our mistakes and keep loving and laughing at ourselves while we love and laugh with others. My grandmother once told me and I try to remember that ~ those who seem the hardest to love are the ones who need love the most.
posted by
BrightIrish
on September 24, 2006 at 7:54 AM
| link to this | reply
Well, nobody is perfect.
posted by
Whacky
on September 23, 2006 at 10:27 PM
| link to this | reply
I think if people sense we are "willing" to accept guilt and
Responsibility for somethng, then they let us. Even if they know we didn't really do anything. You did the best you could at the time.
We learn and move forward, hopefully.
posted by
Passionflower
on September 23, 2006 at 9:48 PM
| link to this | reply
avant-garde
Oh my God, I hope my sons come around like you did. I guess I was like your dad, you just held the mirror up, mea culpa.
Well I did the best I could, they are all out there, but my 2 sons and 1 step-son would rather me dead I think.
They are all successful as hell, but I think, full of anger but at 47, 46 years of age, it's time they took some responsibilty for themselves right?
What the heck, my oldest never saw me take a drink after age 8.
Thanks for writing my friend
posted by
WileyJohn
on September 23, 2006 at 8:46 PM
| link to this | reply
cosy
Thanks for the vote of confidence. Vas is a group I picked up off Sirius one day while doing some work in the living room. They are from California, but the singer is native of Iran. It's very beautiful to listen to.
posted by
avant-garde
on September 23, 2006 at 8:08 PM
| link to this | reply
Justi
This is very true. I think that those who claim to be 'well' are merely in denial.
posted by
avant-garde
on September 23, 2006 at 8:06 PM
| link to this | reply
mystic
Thanks. It's good to hear from you again.
posted by
avant-garde
on September 23, 2006 at 8:05 PM
| link to this | reply
avante
Courages you are. P.S. I love Enya. Which is the other music group you speak about in your bio?
posted by
cosy
on September 23, 2006 at 5:49 PM
| link to this | reply
avante
Courages you are. P.S. I love Enya. Which is the other music group you speak about in your bio?
posted by
cosy
on September 23, 2006 at 5:49 PM
| link to this | reply
Avant,
Being honest with oneself seems like it should be easy, but it's the hardest thing I've done. Even after I think I've got a particular life lesson, I find that I've forgotten and had to be reminded all over again. I've found that perfectionism is the root of my procrastination, so I have to remind myself constantly of what MG says, "Perfect is the enemy of done". Not that it's good to sloppy or careless, but at some point, something is "good enough".
posted by
Blanche.
on September 23, 2006 at 5:10 PM
| link to this | reply
Avant Gard
You're right when we are ready to bear all we are healing. We are only as sick as our secrets you know that saying I am sure. Be blessed.
posted by
Justi
on September 23, 2006 at 4:56 PM
| link to this | reply
avant
very good work, powerful and full of truth
posted by
MysticGmekeepr
on September 23, 2006 at 1:46 PM
| link to this | reply
Justi
It's funny that the minute you are willing to bare all, all is bared. Thanks for your continued support, as Mason says.
posted by
avant-garde
on September 23, 2006 at 11:57 AM
| link to this | reply
TAPS
Very well said.
posted by
avant-garde
on September 23, 2006 at 11:56 AM
| link to this | reply
cosy
I think in some way, I have resonated with everyone unwittingly. But, for one to stand up and admit his shortcomings gives others to courage to admit their own. We are, after all, only human.
posted by
avant-garde
on September 23, 2006 at 11:56 AM
| link to this | reply
Mason
Thanks. I've often heard it said that the wisdom of the entire world is contained within each of us.
posted by
avant-garde
on September 23, 2006 at 11:55 AM
| link to this | reply
faholo
You're very kind. Thank you.
posted by
avant-garde
on September 23, 2006 at 11:54 AM
| link to this | reply
YPunday
I'm afraid that Bush's preoccupation with Iraq
does have a lot to do with his father's role there. I think this planet is abused, used, and discarded from our ignorance and unwillingness to take responsibility for ourselves. It's much easier to blame a 'Hitler' than to admit that his ideas were appealing.
posted by
avant-garde
on September 23, 2006 at 11:54 AM
| link to this | reply
Factor Fiction
I think that someone is I.
posted by
avant-garde
on September 23, 2006 at 11:29 AM
| link to this | reply
Bhaskar
I think we tend to shy away from the very reasons we are here. It is only natural to shrink away from what causes pain.
posted by
avant-garde
on September 23, 2006 at 11:29 AM
| link to this | reply
appleworks
That is so true!
posted by
avant-garde
on September 23, 2006 at 11:27 AM
| link to this | reply
Avant Gard
Thank you so much for being you, just You! You have held a mirror up to us today. I see myself clearly in it. Thank you.
posted by
Justi
on September 23, 2006 at 11:06 AM
| link to this | reply
avant-garde, It seems to be a common occurance, and it is so easy to see in others, yet it always surprises us when we become aware of this in ourselves.
posted by
TAPS.
on September 23, 2006 at 10:46 AM
| link to this | reply
avante
reading through your pages I realized how closely we relate at some moment in time. I can say I went through almost exactly the same experience, and rejection came from "myself" first. Hatred and resentment unfortunately seeded itself in me from a very early age. I hope you have found peace
and by the way yes; we can only control ourselves, we are each responsible for the actions we take and for the outcome derived from such actions.
posted by
cosy
on September 23, 2006 at 9:48 AM
| link to this | reply
...often reading your words, feels like looking in the mirror....
you discribe the human condition perfectly... good post!
posted by
MasonGarrett
on September 23, 2006 at 9:07 AM
| link to this | reply
avant-garde such openess and self assessment is seldom
shared with others. However, it is in the sharing that we actually find healing. Thank you for sharing yourself; others can see themselves in your truthfulness and be moved to look into their own situation. Keep writing and searching and you will find the peace you seek. God bless,
faholo
posted by
faholo
on September 23, 2006 at 6:32 AM
| link to this | reply
You are a very courageous man, a blessing on Mother Earth.I blame the world
...on occasion. But as u say, we really need to blame ourselves. But when these "the world is bad, evil" -types get to "control" others....we have wars, Gunatanamo, Abu Graib, and changing the Geneva Convention as if to say, "The Nazis were not the worst thing to happen to the world and Jews; Muslim terrorists are worse than European Fascists and German Nazis". The anger inside our leaders...perhaps little George is still showing big George that he is not a failure; he has done better...even in Iraq, by comaprison. And we know what playing family squabbles on the world stage can do to Mother Earth, religion, and God." Did any leader ever feel strong tocall our president
Devil in New York until now?
posted by
ILLUMINATI8
on September 23, 2006 at 6:27 AM
| link to this | reply
True for many people I am sure...
perhaps someone's eyes will be opened by reading it, too.
posted by
FactorFiction
on September 23, 2006 at 6:22 AM
| link to this | reply
avant
Upon reading the piece, I felt as if you are telling my very own story. Uncannily similar. And the one experience that I have had from all this is said in your words: "
It took me looking at my darkness directly to realize that I created every bit of it." A very good lesson!
posted by
Bhaskar.ing
on September 23, 2006 at 6:20 AM
| link to this | reply
avant
r w emerson said that nothing astonishes man more than what is obvious
posted by
appleworks7
on September 23, 2006 at 6:11 AM
| link to this | reply