Comments on Have you seen the movie "The Woodsman"?

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Pat

you seem to know an awful a lot......you seem to have been in my shoes or in my mind. Pat thank you for being so caring and understanding. Funnily, you guys do make a difference in my life, posting alleviates the load, and comments brush my soul.

posted by cosy on September 27, 2006 at 10:07 AM | link to this | reply

Cosy, I've been gone a few days...

so it's taken some time to read your last response to me.  We all do our best to get over our fears and walk a sane path in the world, and I very much appreciate your post and the thoughtful responses. I want to add an explanation to what was said earlier.

When you've been victimized by a pedophile - or as we used to say,  molested by a dirty old man - it "stains" you. In your mind there is always a flaw, a dark place, and even though logic and intellect tell you it was not your fault, not something you asked for, you still feel dirty and discounted.  You work thereafter to erase the stain, to forget the insult, even as you can't help detesting your offender and wanting some kind of revenge. You find it hard to feel safe or to trust, and you suspect many innocents of bad intentions.  I've read statistics that one out of every four girls are molested at some point -- but in getting to know people, I believe the number is much higher.  We can only do our best to support others who deal with this, and keep an eye out for the good things in life.  :)pat

posted by Pat_B on September 27, 2006 at 9:52 AM | link to this | reply

NiteWriter

I don't know why I watched it either. Thank you for caring NiteWriter

posted by cosy on September 27, 2006 at 8:59 AM | link to this | reply

I don't think I could watch that film.  I couldn't be open minded about it.  There is just no way. 

posted by Nitewriter on September 27, 2006 at 8:56 AM | link to this | reply

factorfiction

thank you for the support...   ...

posted by cosy on September 27, 2006 at 8:13 AM | link to this | reply

I don't think there is a moving on for them either...

Somehow in their minds they justify it as "okay" and that the rest of us have the problem. Perhaps there are a few circumstances where the scum was young and raised to think it was just how to get one's jollies, he can be rehabilitated after being educated. I think most are just in denial that they are warped though. I'd view the film as fiction.

posted by FactorFiction on September 27, 2006 at 7:50 AM | link to this | reply

avante

Do you know what is sickly? I took my mother 18 yeras to aknowledge it, Mostly because it would prove she was never there, it took another two little girls sufferings for her to believe me. I lucked out that I left Cuba at age of 4 1/2, my first memory at 2 was that.  Sorry for your wife.

posted by cosy on September 23, 2006 at 10:12 PM | link to this | reply

cosy

I'm sorry to hear of your traumatic incident. I think what makes it doubly painful is knowing that the person who did this to you probably won't even acknowledge what happened. My wife has this kind of conflict with her father, even though there was no molestation. He has displayed extraordinary selfishness and continues to do so.

posted by avant-garde on September 23, 2006 at 8:12 PM | link to this | reply

avante

very interesting linkage  

posted by cosy on September 23, 2006 at 11:38 AM | link to this | reply

cosy

I've heard that pedophiles are among the most difficult to rehabilitate. This is due to the extreme denial and the hatred that society feels towards it. I think that somehow the hatred and the disease are inextricably linked together, as partners who need each other to exist.

posted by avant-garde on September 23, 2006 at 11:26 AM | link to this | reply

SuccessWarrior

How very much I believe that to be true! An addict will always be an addict, and the day he feels he or she is not, is the day they fall again into addiction. One is what one is, and that's the bottom line.

posted by cosy on September 22, 2006 at 8:59 AM | link to this | reply

Pat_B

I agree and disagree. Pedophilia to me is a sickness, not a sexual orientation. It is sickly to find a child sexually stimulating.........!! But I have to disagree with the other part, people who have been molested, and beat up don't always end up doing the same thing back, unless they are TOO twisted and sickly.

For example, do you think being around a gay person will make you gay? Will rub off on you somehow? No. If you are, you are, if you're not, you're not. I have hatred and disgust for the matter, not inclination. I know you meant it in the best of ways, but I don't want people like me who have been victimized, placed in the "might" category.

posted by cosy on September 22, 2006 at 8:56 AM | link to this | reply

Pat_B

Thank you very much for taking the time to talk back. Openly hearted

posted by cosy on September 22, 2006 at 8:51 AM | link to this | reply

Success...

I question whether pedophelia is a sexual orientation.  An orientation is the way one is made from birth. I think pedophilia results from being victimized as a child.  Many people believe that gays are dangerous to children because of their uncontrolled sexuality, which is not true. Almost all men who prey on children are twisted heterosexuals.

posted by Pat_B on September 22, 2006 at 8:21 AM | link to this | reply

It's not a question of wrong or right, when it comes to

the personal experience.  From a victim's point of view, it doesn't always work to decide to get over it and go on with your life.  Sometimes the "how could you?" questions just won't let go. It doesn't always help to realize that the perpetrator may have been a victim early on, or that he struggles with guilt, fear and temptation. It's tempting to wish all the ones who harm children, who sexualize them and tear up their lives, it's tempting to wish to see them twist over a bonfire somehow.  They've been making sick, violent, terrifying movies since the medium was invented. One way to stop major production and distribution of this negative stuff  is to vote with your pocketbook - if they don't make money, there won't be investors, and the actors, directors, editors, writers, camera operators and technicians will find other work.

posted by Pat_B on September 22, 2006 at 8:16 AM | link to this | reply

I tend to play the odds and pedophiles are always pedophiles

They don't change.  They may hide it.  They might resist the urge.  But they are always pedophiles.  Sexual orientation doesn't change. 

posted by SuccessWarrior on September 22, 2006 at 8:13 AM | link to this | reply