Go to Dave's Poetic Meanderings
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- Go to SWINGS AND KITES. TELL ME THIS DOESN'T TAKE YOU BACK!
I agree with Ypun, great rhythm, Sweet you are a natural with rythm!
A bubbling, boisterous, bouncing breeze!this is the imaginative line, i love. You need to lift off, and find new ways of expressing things. It flows nicely like a lovely river, but it has nowhere to go... sorry, kick me you are allowed, look, I suck at rythm, I just don't get it, if I did, I would be ten times better. How do you do it????
posted by
marieclaire66
on August 21, 2006 at 9:54 PM
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Wow!!!!! You are so right!!!!! hahaha!!!! I didn't even realize it but that
is way too much exclamation!!!!! Even a happy kid wouldn't exclaim that much!!!!!! O.K. time for a happy edit!!!!! Thanks! Y!P!U!N!D!A!Y!
posted by
swftfox
on August 21, 2006 at 8:56 PM
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You have rhyme and rhythm almost pat--I envy that at times, but not your
overabudant exclamations. Good writing loses a greta deal especially wth that overused (teenage-ish) punctuation. Shalom my brother & thanks for haiking--even one entry means the haiku spirit--the CHI--has not departed our little corner. Take care--make that money!
posted by
ILLUMINATI8
on August 21, 2006 at 7:40 PM
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