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Moon
I hear you. Many people believe that forgiveness is about the other person, so they don't even want to go there.
Yes, depending on the circumstances, it takes some trying for a while before you get it right. Some of my more difficult situations have taken trying and trying again. But it's all worth it in the end.
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on August 7, 2006 at 5:44 PM
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SunnyOne, I read this several times last night but, for one reason or another, did not comment at that time. I keep having to revisit forgiveness over and over. Fortunately for me, as I age, it becomes easier. I know that for others it is just the opposite. I have tremendous compassion for those people. They have no idea of the injury that they are doing to themselves. MoonSpirit 
posted by
syzygy
on August 7, 2006 at 5:40 PM
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MandaLee
Thanks for your comment. This has some similarity to what I do, going through the forgivness process, but with somewhat different beliefs
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on August 7, 2006 at 5:40 PM
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OFFBEATS
EXACTLY!
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on August 7, 2006 at 5:38 PM
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Rumored_Intelligence
It may, eventually. But maybe not, as long as you have to be around this person for any reason
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on August 7, 2006 at 5:38 PM
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yes..thats the word right on.."awkward"..I guess its a natural leftover
feeling, like you say, that will never completely go away...
posted by
Rumor
on August 7, 2006 at 5:31 PM
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SUNNY
It has happened a couple of times, but I let it go...no need to carry any excess emotional baggage ya know?
posted by
Offy
on August 7, 2006 at 3:08 PM
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Sunny,
Ask the Lord and He will give you the strength to forgive.
posted by
Amanda__
on August 7, 2006 at 3:06 PM
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Rumored_Intelligence
Yes it makes sense. Forgiving someone, like I said, doesn't mean that you tell yourself the person "did no wrong" so to speak. So you've let go of the pain, but still feel a bit "awkward" around the person? Is that what you're saying? I think that is natural and can not be helped.
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on August 7, 2006 at 1:36 PM
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Sunny, I "say" I have forgiven certain people but it doesn't "feel" like it
we don't see the people involved much at all anymore (when we do its cordial and friendly), but its just still not right..does that make sense??
posted by
Rumor
on August 7, 2006 at 1:25 PM
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Sophistie
Thanks for your comment. And how true...I agree totally! We shouldn't feel pressured to spend time around people whom we naturally don't feel good around.
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on August 7, 2006 at 11:20 AM
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BlondeAmbition007
That's what I believe forgiveness is all about
I'll have to come read your post!
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on August 7, 2006 at 11:13 AM
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In the Past I Had
Now, I do not and find it difficult for others to understand that there are certain people that I choose not to spend time with and it is not because I have not forgiven them, it is a choice that I do not like their behavior or character and prefer to spend my time with enjoyable people. Good post!
posted by
Dr_JPT
on August 7, 2006 at 10:55 AM
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Sunny
I keep telling myself that I have forgiven my Mother, because I don't want to live with negativity and bitterness.
BTW...you post helped inspire my blog for today on: My Estranged Mother blog
posted by
BlondeAmbition007
on August 7, 2006 at 7:43 AM
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Jo....yes.....forgiveness is a process for me.
I come to terms with what's went wrong. I understand that the wrong is done, and over. I start to release any anger and pain....for a very brief description.
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on August 6, 2006 at 11:01 PM
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when you say won't take too long
are you talking of a process?
Jo
posted by
brisbane_artist
on August 6, 2006 at 10:56 PM
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lilane
It's very good that you have been able to do this.
I will forgive her, as I go through the forgiveness process as always. Until I had the dream, I wasn't even aware I was harboring unforgiveness. I've forgiven people that have been much harder to forgive than this. So I have faith that this won't take too long.
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on August 6, 2006 at 10:16 PM
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afzal50
Yes. It is brought to my awareness now, and I will be working on this. It may be hard at first, as the situation still exists. But I haven't gotten any of those letters or heard from her recently, so maybe it will be easier than I think.
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on August 6, 2006 at 10:13 PM
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forgive
I very seldom don't forgive, but you need to come to grips with your grandma, my kids who are all grown just lost this wonderful women and cried like babies
posted by
Lanetay
on August 6, 2006 at 10:13 PM
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Sweetie, Please do not take long . Forgive her now .
posted by
afzal50
on August 6, 2006 at 10:08 PM
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Tanga
I can only guess what you're talking about here. Those kind of wounds run deep. It's very hard to get through and forgive certain things.
I had just told Passionflower that forgiveness doesn't mean you ever have to say that it's ok what someone did. It's just releasing the anger from you own spirit.
So sorry something so horrible had to happen in your family
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on August 6, 2006 at 9:50 PM
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bcre8iv
I understand. Sometimes it's very hard. It took me a long time to forgive some people. I think it just took enlightening on my part.
I feel I'm a much better, more loving person now. I don't judge people based on their past, so why did I continue to let mine hold such anger in me?
If you are out of and away from the situation, there is hope that you may someday come to terms with it and find forgiveness. It can be a long process at times. It gets easier though. I did a lot of forgiving before I got to the really tough ones.
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on August 6, 2006 at 9:46 PM
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Bel....
I don't know all the details, but I understand you've had a rough childhood. I understand that for some things forgiveness comes very hard. You can read my definition of forgiveness that I just gave to passion.
Yes, it's hard when you feel you have to re-live something to get through it. It's easier just to keep it in the past. I've been there so many times. Someday you may find the peace you need to let go, until then I wish you the very best
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on August 6, 2006 at 9:39 PM
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Passion
That's a good answer, everyone has to find something that works for them
My views on forgiveness is a little different, or maybe the same if I'm misinterpreting your meaning.
Many think that to forgive, you have to say it's ok that something happened, and that's not really the case. What I've learned about forgiving, and works best for me, is that you acknowledge what happend and you accept it. It doesn't make it right, it just means that you accept it and go on with your life, no longer carrying hard feelings....so to speak. Hope that came out right.
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on August 6, 2006 at 9:35 PM
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I have never forgiven
my grandfather for what he did to my sister and I never will. Sad, bitter but true!
posted by
Tanga
on August 6, 2006 at 9:34 PM
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forgivness and stuff..
i will admitt, there is one person that i don't know that i'll ever be able to forgive... but i guess sometimes people can be really cruel?
posted by
bcre8iv
on August 6, 2006 at 9:32 PM
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afzal50
I try to do this too. I must haved missed forgiving her, because I don't think of her very often. That's why I had the dream, I believe, to remind me that I'm not done forgiving yet.
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on August 6, 2006 at 9:31 PM
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I forgive every one .
posted by
afzal50
on August 6, 2006 at 9:28 PM
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Actually, I know quite a bit about forgiveness-
First of all, you don't have to "feel" like it in order to forgive someone. If you'll just say out loud, "I forgive Whoever and continue to mentally assert that you HAVE forgiven them, you're feelings will fall in line at some point.
People go at forgiveness thinking they have to "Feel" it first. But that isn't true. Unforgiveness can become a cancer that eats you alive. I have believed in my heart that I'd forgiven certain people but found later, that I still held some animosity.
You deal with that stuff as it crops up.
posted by
Passionflower
on August 6, 2006 at 9:08 PM
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I know without a doubt there are some I have not forgiven
I cna't say I ever will, but I also refuse to hold onto the anger and let it eat me up. Somethings are best left in the past and while maybe not forgotten at least put way in the back of the cupboard so you are seldom reminded.
posted by
bel_1965
on August 6, 2006 at 9:01 PM
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