Comments on CAN YOU HELP ME RE WRITE THIS INTRO TO MY CLASS

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good job

posted by poetjpb on August 4, 2006 at 3:42 PM | link to this | reply

I think I should make a point of writing carefully at all times!
It is sheer neglect on my part plus the more careless I get, the less I notice the mistakes. It is actually quite important. Any words missing?

posted by marieclaire66 on July 28, 2006 at 9:39 PM | link to this | reply

ooops! See what I mean, thanks for the corrections.
told you I was not perfect!

posted by marieclaire66 on July 28, 2006 at 9:36 PM | link to this | reply

Well I probably will continue to make mistakes on the blog
but I do need to be more careful in my classes....

posted by poetjpb on July 28, 2006 at 8:02 PM | link to this | reply

oops

I feel (like) such a fraud, really  a non native speaker telling a native speaker... If you really want to write well, you just cannot write and post straight away, it is amazing how (many)mistakes you pick up, even after several reads, even with good writers like you.

Sorry, couldn't resist.

posted by poetjpb on July 28, 2006 at 8:02 PM | link to this | reply

I am honoured. I am lazy and sloppy with proofreading...
I think we should not lower our standards just because we are surrounded by crappy writing. Glad I could help. I feel such a fraud, really  a non native speaker telling a native speaker... If you really want to write well, you just cannot write and post straight away, it is amazing how mistakes you pick up, even after several reads, even with good writers like you.

posted by marieclaire66 on July 28, 2006 at 7:54 PM | link to this | reply

Some good ideas here--thanks

You may see some of them creeping up in my re-write.  Okay with you?

I agree that it has too many negatives.  That's why I asked for feedback.  I like your suggestion about the honest but gentle feedback.  I will work on it.  I was so bummed when I caught the typo today.  Actually my daughter caught it.  What happened was I tried to do some editing right in the body of the posting which is really dumb.  I know better.  I should always write in a word document first, then edit it, spell check, etc.  arggggggggggggg....nobody's perfect...............I never bother to be too careful in my blogs, I never spell check them or anything.....maybe I should .........

posted by poetjpb on July 28, 2006 at 7:16 PM | link to this | reply

for what it's worth here are my suggestions, it is a good exercise for me

anyway. You had a lot of negatives in there, not enough positives to counteract the boredom and fear, so I would play down the fears and increase the positive claims to make it more attractive. I used more emotional kind of words at the end.
It may be over the top, I don't know. You need to introduce a fun element to your course too and leave your potential reader on a very positive note. Your article was a bit dry, it sounded like very hard work, which of course it is. You put a lot of emphasis on the frustration a writer can experience and offered them a solution, but it did not come out strongly enough. At the end of the day, you need to promise your students a sense of satisfaction, the opposite of frustration which you emphasized so much earlier. I am no expert by any means, but I put a lot of thoughts into this. Editing is a skill I am working on, so I used your piece of writing as target practice! and probably made it ten time worse???

Look at  advertising material, how it grabs people's attention.

Tap into the creative writer within you. End the frustration of writer's block with Creative Writing Workshop. You get a real, live, interactive, online teacher you can talk to. This class is geared for anxious beginners and all other uninspired, blocked writers. Whatever the case may be, this writing workshop will free the writer within you and help you tap into your creative powers through lots of practice and daily writing exercises.

Creative Writing Workshop offers you a great source of inspiration, a wealth of concrete examples, and the step by step guidance you need in order to write creatively. I will show you unedited writing samples from my own journal to provide you with? a model, and to give you the support you need. Bring a desire to learn, and a commitment to write every day throughout the entire course. You will learn specific methods to summon your muse to craft poetry and prose. with? (Sounds awkward, perhaps starts a new sentence? Are the methods incorporated in the feed back or are they an integral part of the exercises?)You will also be given honest but  gentle constructive feedback.
new paragraph here, the enticement will stand out more.

Imagine composing your very own your?  Writing Journal full of fresh and exciting prompts, poems, and ideas to keep you writing!

~ discover the joys of writing   Join now

 Bored sounds a bit strong to me. Uninspired?

Writers= some repetitions

Constructive but gentle feedback, will give an honest but constructive and gentle feedback (constructive and gentle don’t contradict each other enough).

posted by marieclaire66 on July 28, 2006 at 4:25 PM | link to this | reply

Actually no, I am never short of ideas quite the opposite!
I think you have too many negative adjectives in there. Fearful bored writers, and there is not enough positive to counteract those negatives.
I will try and find alternatives...suggestions but give me time to think.

posted by marieclaire66 on July 28, 2006 at 3:30 PM | link to this | reply

sounds like you might be able to help, as long as I can afford it.
can we have a trial run, what is the base fee, or whatever? plop it on my blog in case I miss your answer.

posted by marieclaire66 on July 27, 2006 at 11:54 PM | link to this | reply