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Hi Medusa
Hey, you're right. I checked and it is a Catholic thing. I haven't really practiced being a Catholic since I was 16, so in my subconscious, that little nugget just kind of blurred over into the general Christian arena, like the 10 Commandments. I guess the 7 works still apply, though, to anyone who sees the value in them. Truth is, I think all they do is follow basic human values, anyway, such as the ones you're already displaying. 
You're sure not expected to enjoy it, though. Your impulse to escape those demands sounds pretty normal to me, not selfish. I suppose one way to look at it is that it won't be forever. Also, say you did move out west (The west coast is a good place to be...Blanche, Spitfire, Blogflogger and I would all welcome you here :-) You might be a lot less available to people, but you could still be of help to them via occasional phone chats or by letter. Even physical visits once or twice a year. Perhaps a test run....take a sabbatical from your current job and find work in California for six months. By the end of that period, you'd have a better idea of which way you should go. Your own feelings would be your best guide there. All easy for me to say, I know 
posted by
Lensman
on
June 3, 2006
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11:29 AM
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Hello Lens...Is that a Catholic thing about the 7 acts of mercy?
Or is it a biblical thing I should know? Anyway, you are right when you're right. It's just frustrating but I have to remember that life isn't just about Medusa..There are people close to me who need my time and a bit of compassion. Thanks for steering me in the right direction...Sometimes I just want to run away out west to California or someplace. That way, I can get away from people needing Medusa. Selfish, I know.
posted by
MedusaNextDoor
on
June 2, 2006
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5:10 PM
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Hi Medusa
How great that your uncle had a healthy life into his 90s. I can tell that the reality of his new condition is tough on you. For one thing, it's probably rousing the ghosts of past experiences. And when you're visiting someone out of love, to have them snap at you must be hurtful. But I think Bel nailed it when she pointed out that it's not you he's snapping at, it's his situation. In his younger years, I'm sure he held you on his knee and carried you around on one arm. Now, he finds himself weakened, in a wheelchair, needing your assistance. And there's so much more to the psychology of it all. Unless AD is involved, in our minds we are still who we've always been even as our bodies are failing us. But I can say with certainty that if your visits to your uncle were to stop, he would miss them (and you) terribly. The fact is, you're a good person and you're doing the right thing. Visiting the sick is one of the seven corporal works of mercy. And he's family. Actually, he probably brags to his buddies about you. Betcha
posted by
Lensman
on
June 2, 2006
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2:26 PM
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Well, Wiley.....You and Bel raised me up....
And thanks for your kind words, too., Wiley...I know the Serenity Prayer is especially, important for you, too. Have a nice weekend.
posted by
MedusaNextDoor
on
June 2, 2006
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9:14 AM
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Medusa
I'm sorry you got kind of hurt there luv.
But, but, but, you gave me a piece of serenity again, because I need that Serenity prayer every day,I have been forgetting about it.
God bless ya luv and have a happy weekend. Thank you for 'being'.And thank you for blogging
posted by
WileyJohn
on
June 2, 2006
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8:47 AM
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Medusa
Don't kick yourself for it. I adored my Grandfather and it took EVERYTHING I had to 1. Go see him. 2. Not beg him to get better and be the grandpa I remembered.
IN the ned, you know your uncle has to be so angry with the situation and his helpness. I doubt he was even irrititated with you but with himself for needing anyone to do anything for him.
posted by
bel_1965
on
June 2, 2006
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8:31 AM
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Thanks, Bel...That's a good observation....
I've just got to buck up and accept the situation. Adter yesterday, well, I just didn't want to go back to see him for a long time. I've got to get over that and realize, "it's not always about me."
posted by
MedusaNextDoor
on
June 2, 2006
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8:27 AM
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Medusa
It was like that for me when my grandfather was in his last days. It's hard to see the biggest men we know suddenly become physically smaller than ourselves.
posted by
bel_1965
on
June 2, 2006
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8:12 AM
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Youch, Medusa, oh, boy, that's a tough one with your aunt.
Maybe somebody could unplug her phone at night?
posted by
Blanche.
on
June 1, 2006
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1:24 PM
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Yes, Blanche.....Your words make sense....
My godmother is in the early stages of Alzheimer's disease and she keeps calling me at odd hours of the day and night...That is so frustrating to deal with. I try to make her laugh but she keeps calling until she gets me and it's driving me up a wall. So I'm dealing with her and my uncle the best ways I can but yeah, aging stinks!
posted by
MedusaNextDoor
on
June 1, 2006
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1:04 PM
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Medusa,
It can't be easy seeing someone you knew as a vibrant, intellectual man in that shape. I It also can't be easy for your uncle to accept his circumstances, so that prayer does seem really appropriate.It's given me much comfort as well.
Aging is one thing none of us can change, as I remind myself every day. Going to visit my mom in a small town where there are few people younger than 50 it seems reminded me, too, also how quickly it happens.
So, for today I'll merry, merry be and devil take tomorrow! (I've heard that prayer so many times, but I never knew who wrote it, now I know).
posted by
Blanche.
on
June 1, 2006
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12:53 PM
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Hi LovelyLadyM....My cousin feels it is the only best place for him....
I don't agree but then again, I am only a niece. I, too, like you were with your great granfather, wanted to make the great escape with our loved ones in tow. It's sadly, not my call to make.
posted by
MedusaNextDoor
on
June 1, 2006
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12:51 PM
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Talion...Like I said before...You are a good son...I can see why.
I understand what you are saying, but I hate accepting things that easily. I try a new startegy or exit route and try to cut corners and fix it my way. But as I get older myself, well, I am learning the hard way, that I cannot change some things. And like you say, too, "That's just the way it is." Life seems to get more difficult and crueler as I get older...
posted by
MedusaNextDoor
on
June 1, 2006
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12:48 PM
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I know how you feel, Medusa...
My great-grandfather spent the last year and three months of his life in such a facility. I kept wanting to get him out of there and take him home with me so that I could look after him myself...I knew it would have been physically impossible for me to do that, but it didn't stop my wanting to.
Every time I had to leave him there, I'd cry and cry...
Peace be with you...
posted by
lovelyladymonk
on
June 1, 2006
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12:46 PM
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MedusaNextDoor
Lately I've seen my mother's mortality. She's still up and at 'em, older, slower, but still "herself," yet I'm forced to deal with the idea she won't be around forever. I don't like it at all.
"...that's just the way it is."
Even more than the serenity prayer thing, those are the words I live by, my philosopy. I don't need logical explanations for every little thing. I don't need to know where I fit in with the "grand scheme." Whether it's a joyous occasion or a tragedy, I can accept it because that's just the way it is.
posted by
Talion
on
June 1, 2006
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12:42 PM
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