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Laughter and intregue...I love it!!
I began with chapter one and worked my way through and now am looking forward to your next installment. I love the twists you have built into the plot....and you've just begun. I love the unexpected!! Your use of subtle humor is refreashing as well ....(3 WHAT!?!?!?! *chuckling* ~ And I don't like the lame "LOL's" either).
I agree with the Captain that you tend to jump around in time, but I reserve judgement until I've read more. One of my favorit authors (Feist) has a maddening habit of jumping around as well!
Looking forward to the next chapter.
OH!! And nice to "meet" you!
posted by
Kyra_Reynolds
on February 24, 2006 at 9:24 AM
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Once again, I found myself laughing at your wit...
You have an enjoyable quality to your dialogue. It flows nicely, and is humorous. The part about this poor guy and all his exotic love experiences made me laugh out loud. (I don't' mean the cheesy LOL that everyone slaps on to emails these days, I mean the real "I-had-to-set-my-coffee-down" kind of laugh)
If you are interested in suggestions, your storyline still seems vague to me. I have a hard time following exactly what is going on. You tend to jump time and place quite often which can become confusing. Do you work from an outline, or do you just let the creativity dictate the moment?
If you would like, I could work with you to tighten this story line up. If you are more just musing, that is fine. Either way I'll continue to read the things you post.
By all means, feel free to critique my short stories with anything that strikes you at the moment. My blog has a mixture of humor postings, random thoughts, and currently the short story Inferno.
posted by
Captain_Gulliver
on February 18, 2006 at 7:28 AM
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