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Lensman
Thank you, so very much......I know that you do understand what I'm saying. There is a huge amount of anger and resentment that I can easily tap into because, truthfully, his illness has made him a user....not consciously, but completely automatically. I want to get it over with while I still love him enough to be able to intellecualize the anger and resentment when it comes up. If he goes too crazy on me, and makes this too much harder than it is already going to be, I'm afraid the anger and resentment will spill out and things will get so nasty that we may never recover and I do not want that above all else. There is also some concern about suicide or another complete breakdown.....these are both concerns that have held me back in the past. But, I have finally given myself permission to have my own life; plus, I've recognized that the very thing I resent most about him, his ability to always put his own needs above mine, make it absolutely ludicrous that I continue to sacrifice what I want for myself to care for him. I've even said to him that I never had any doubt that if the house caught fire he would run right over Michele and I to get out, and he didn't blink and eye, just looked at me......he knows it's true. My hope is that he will find some nice widow to take care of him....he's a lovely man!
posted by
Krisles
on February 1, 2006 at 12:41 PM
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Hi Krisles
Well, your passion's coming through very clearly in this post. And not just physical passion, although that's clearly there, too, but also about your situation in life. If ever there was a woman ready for something new, you're her. There's a lot going on inside you that needs a solution. Sounds like you've found the right solution when it comes to your husband. I've been through that divorce process, so my heart goes out to you. It's not fun, no matter the gender. If I can make a prediction, you may hear him say, "I didn't see this coming," or words to that effect. Wives often keep a brave face on things while they're struggling to sort things out inside. When they do sort it all out, then it's a done deal and they get on with what they have to do. The husband often has had no idea what's been coming down the pike. The bipolar stuff bothers me, because these are such stressful circumstances for everybody, even a totally level-headed man. I can't imagine a volatile, bipolar man dealing calmly with it all. I hope you're able to plan the whole process carefully, such as dealing with him only when he's properly medicated, and so on. Difficult year coming, Krisles, but then you'll be fine, I'm certain. I'm plugging for you
posted by
Lensman
on February 1, 2006 at 12:14 PM
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reni
It will need to be on a Sat or Sun afternoon or night....I'll get with Passion and we'll figure something out.
posted by
Krisles
on February 1, 2006 at 12:05 PM
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Krisles--Let me know! I'm up for it! Just email me...
posted by
Renigade
on February 1, 2006 at 11:57 AM
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reni
Well, loosen your corset......but don't call the doctor because we all know what they used to do to help the ladies with the vapors, hysteria, and all those other female problems...... You must have missed my post about loving the word fuck....hmmm.....sorry, you also must have missed my part of the South.....! And, I know you're just playin'! How's your head stuff doin'? Is the smoke from all the fires causing you any problems? I leave Irving at month end.....I was hoping you and Passion and I could get together maybe before then?
posted by
Krisles
on February 1, 2006 at 11:55 AM
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Did I read correctly? Did you really use the "F" word?
Well, Krisles, you have just offended all of my newfound southern sensibilities, my dear! I'm simply flushed with embarassment! LOL
posted by
Renigade
on February 1, 2006 at 11:46 AM
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FreelancerX
You are a wise man.....as I know from your writings.....hug happily accepted....thank you so very much.
posted by
Krisles
on January 31, 2006 at 8:44 AM
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Gee, Krisles...You sure know how to make me choke back the tears...
You are welcome, and then some....I just wrote a post that questions who everybody is on the internet. I have such problems understanding friends can be friends, even if they are not here in person. I am so computer illiterate, that I can't seem to 'get' the rules....Anyway, best wishes to you.
posted by
MedusaNextDoor
on January 31, 2006 at 8:43 AM
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Blanche
Thank you so very much for your kind words.....we're just getting to know one another, but I already know you are a wise and caring woman.....better things are the best any of us can really cast out our hope nets for in an unsure world....it's the encouragement to cast them out that is always needed....thanks, again.
posted by
Krisles
on January 31, 2006 at 8:43 AM
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Medusa, Offbeat, Passion, and Qween
I wasn't surprised by your compassion...nor the virtual hugs I could actually feel through this screen....not surprised at all, because I have come to count on all of you as true friends . I was just so overwhelmed with that I haven't been able to reply and tell you thank you until now. I wanted to say so much more...but I don't know how to say more. You are such wise and wonderful women, all so very different, but all sharing one thing in common.....you are always there for me, whether you agree, approve, completely understand or like what I say.....and friends in "real" life like that are hard enough to find. I feel so very blessed to have found you on here and I treasure you.....really, I do. And, I take your counsel to heart; I don't know what I'll do yet.....not being able to write as much isn't helping the thinking, you know?
posted by
Krisles
on January 31, 2006 at 8:40 AM
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understand for now....
You really just need a hug
....(for now that is)
posted by
FreelancerX
on January 23, 2006 at 12:16 PM
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Krisles,
No comment here, just wishing you good things in the future.
posted by
Blanche.
on January 20, 2006 at 8:33 PM
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I'm sure you know my take on this....
Sexual needs are basic human needs placed in each of us by God our Creator...The need to be intimate with someone isn't dirty or wrong...of course it is if you're married...but even then there can be extenuating circumstances.
You shouldn't keep trying to contain these emotions...They are as normal as breathing or eating...Join a dating site...go out with a decent guy and get some.
posted by
Passionflower
on January 20, 2006 at 8:16 PM
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kris
GOOD lORD YOU FLUSHED OUT A LOT....YOU HAD A LOT TO LET GO OF....AND IT WILL BE A LOOONG PROCESS. But what you looooong for now is the arms of a man......in lust with just a sprinkle of love. I know what you are saying...I feel your words....I know them well however I have never been able to describe them as perfectly as you have. I have missed you and have worried. Good to see you on the screen again.
posted by
ALWAYSALOVER
on January 20, 2006 at 12:44 PM
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Kris
Good Lord woman....OK..now this is from friend to friend okay?
You are a very sensual woman, my God you write erotica like no other person I know. Your emotional pain has now caught up to your physical, like your crashing. You know I love you and I wouldn't tell you anything to harm you, but HELL YES...take a lover!!! You of all people need to have a touch and to be touched. Your the most sensual person I have ever known ( Passion right behind ya though). You do what you think is best, don't spend your life being miserable, it's too damm short!!
posted by
Offy
on January 20, 2006 at 11:30 AM
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Krisles....I think you deserve a really hot man right now...
My heart aches for you because I know how decent a woman you are and how hard you have tried to fix it, arrange it, etc. like you so honestly describe. Sometimes, things cannot be explained in simply black and white....by that I mean, no, it is not good to cheat with a married man or woman, or for singles to cheat on singles, etc...but there comes a time in life, where there are gray areas. And if we didn't live in some gray areas, well, then I don't think we as human beings could survive in a strong way. Hope my jibber-jabber makes sense. In other words, I hear what you are saying and it's your time now to feel the warmth and sensuality of another man's touch. Yes, those kinds of liaisons can be dangerous, as the movie title was called. But you are also a grown woman and you know the score. And sometimes the risk is worth it.
posted by
MedusaNextDoor
on January 20, 2006 at 8:28 AM
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