Comments on Time to say goodbye.

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B, I don't mind recreational venues...

But, I have a hard time with exotic animals in cages...and their pens are not always big enough.  I do like the educational aspects of zoos though, so I just let other people go, but I don't.  I get sad.  At the Wild Animal Park Animals roam free (basically, not in pens anyway) on acres and acres, and people get the education aspect of them.  That's a wonderful place.  You can camp there at night and listen to the lions roar. 

posted by Temple on January 8, 2006 at 10:41 PM | link to this | reply

Thanks for the reply. I agree that recreational venues are only good for the rare occasion.

(B)

posted by A-and-B on January 8, 2006 at 4:08 AM | link to this | reply

jollyjeff

thank you again, then :)

posted by Temple on January 8, 2006 at 12:21 AM | link to this | reply

It was a compliment temple and you're welcome

posted by jollyjeff on January 7, 2006 at 10:39 AM | link to this | reply

B, I am already feeling a lot of relief in the letting go process.

I'm not a big fan of zoos, although I like what they stand for.  I love the Wild Animal Park here though, and of course, the ocean. San Diego is one of my favorite places on the planet.  Thanks for reading. :)

posted by Temple on January 7, 2006 at 5:40 AM | link to this | reply

jacenta, you are really sweet and your empathy is touching.

I think life's lessons help us take what we've been given and move in the direction we are supposed to go in.  I'm learning to rebuild my life again after the crap I grew up with in my family as well as my accident, and it feels good to make steps forward...let things go that are toxic and hurtful.  This has been a long road, but the road I was given and there have been many blessings.  Thank you for your kind words and thoughts.  I really appreciate it.   To compare me to your daughters is very special, jacenta, thank you. :

posted by Temple on January 7, 2006 at 5:39 AM | link to this | reply

actually, I meant to say comment...jollyjeff...but if it was a compliment, thanks for that, too...:)

posted by Temple on January 7, 2006 at 5:32 AM | link to this | reply

jollyjeff, it's life school, that's for sure...

It's made me a better person.  But, I think I'd like to take some electives like art or something. :)  Thanks for reading and I appreciate the compliment.

posted by Temple on January 7, 2006 at 5:31 AM | link to this | reply

Well, San Diego has a great zoo.....

I believe you can be happy when you feel that this is your real home.


(B)

posted by A-and-B on January 7, 2006 at 4:06 AM | link to this | reply

Temple...

Your words touch my heart.  It makes me sad to know you have been hurt and I wish you all the best this life has to offer.  We cannot change what has been, but we can make the best of our future by being all we can be.  Life does have a way of sorting things out in its own time.  We cannot make others change for we cannot control their actions, but we can make our own future brighter by dwelling on those things that are good and making positive decisions for ourselves.  You deserve happiness and that is my prayer for you.   You are as precious as my own daughters.  With Love from Jacenta.

posted by jacentaOld on January 6, 2006 at 6:27 AM | link to this | reply

Seems like you've been through a lot

but you've grown a lot from it.

posted by jollyjeff on January 5, 2006 at 1:08 PM | link to this | reply

Frankenkitty, that's such a sweet thing to say.

I almost don't know how to respond.  Thank you. I don't think they really see  me, you know?  They see some image of me that has to do with something else...the past...some perception, I don't know.  I can't make them see, so I gotta stop.  I'm building a found family slowly, learning what I need, who I am, who the ones are that stick.  I am looking forward to marriage (although saying that makes me want to run, screaming down the street...too boy crazy?  a little girl crazy?  afraid of divorce?  dunno...)...I think the universe will make sure I'm ready when it's time.  It's done a pretty good job of that so far.  Once I learned to pay attention.  Black sheep unite! 

posted by Temple on January 4, 2006 at 1:58 AM | link to this | reply

Temple, if your biological family

doesn't think you're great, they don't deserve you anyway. You are one of the kindest and most caring people I've ever met.  To care so much like you do is a rare thing.  If those people think they have too many smart, witty, silly, thoughtful, persistent, and determined people in their lives than there is no hope for them and you are better off.  I was always the black sheep too, but I found my own family.  The ones that are with you in the end are the ones that were meant to be there.  As much as I talk about my dad, we had a strained relationship for years.  I got pregnant at 17- talk about dissappointing.  But, I worked through it. Believe me, my mom and dad had no problem telling me that all of my brother and sisters problems were my fault, that I was selfish, and that they didn't owe me anything.  They were cruel to me, and I was spiteful to them.  I suppose I still harbor anger towards them, but in the end, I forgive them.  We are all flawed.  Marriage isn't so bad. It's like having your best friend with you all  the time. I will probably be in CA in February, I will email you

posted by Flumpystalls3000 on January 2, 2006 at 5:37 PM | link to this | reply

MsVision, thank you for the sweet thoughts and kind words.

Perfect to me means flawed, but things I can deal with or learn from.  I don't mind flaws, I'd just like a little more balance.  Thanks so much for reading. :)

posted by Temple on January 2, 2006 at 5:10 AM | link to this | reply

You have so much heart, and goodwill. I hope you find peace and contentment as you build your home in our beautiful but far from perfect
world.

posted by MsVision on January 2, 2006 at 5:05 AM | link to this | reply

Doggie, I almost missed you there, sorry....

That, my friend, is such a beautiful thing to say.  If you were here you'd get a big hug.  I hope you are right.  You are so right, this is a year of letting go of the things that don't work and feeding the things that do.  It seems so simple, I don't know what took so long.  I think it sounds easier than it is, but I'm going to work on it.

posted by Temple on January 1, 2006 at 10:42 PM | link to this | reply

May, yes, it is a loss for all of us.

That is what I couldn't get over.  Why it took so long to let go.  Finally I realized that if I didn't let go, I wouldn't be able to move forward.  I think I knew that in my logical mind, but my emotional self would have none of it.  Now, I can let it go...something clicked.  Time to build that along with rebuilding me.  It's sad, but there are blessings there, too, in that I can finally move on.

posted by Temple on January 1, 2006 at 10:37 PM | link to this | reply

rafika, such a lovely comment, thank you so much.

This post is where I put all my emotions, the things I can't always show in person.  I'm very pleased you connected with it.  That always makes me happy.  I've learned to find joy in very little things through my struggles, but now I think maybe some bigger things are coming.  I wish you joy also.  Blessings in the New Year, to you.

posted by Temple on January 1, 2006 at 10:32 PM | link to this | reply

Cass, it's true the situation with my family is sad.

I can't figure out who they DID want since it wasn't like they had all these expectations that they put on me that I didn't live up to...at least none that they told me.  I think they just wanted me to be financially independant and out of their hair.  I don't think they'll ever get it, or me, and that's just what it is...and now that I realize it I can let it go.  A New Year, a new beginning.  Best to you, too.  xoxo

posted by Temple on January 1, 2006 at 10:28 PM | link to this | reply

This is one of those posts I had to revisit before commenting.  It was beautifully constructed and achingly sad. Yes it is their loss but it is yours too and I am sorry for that.

posted by Azur on January 1, 2006 at 10:27 PM | link to this | reply

Exactly A!

Letting go of the old to make room for the new.  Happy New Year, to you, too.

posted by Temple on January 1, 2006 at 10:23 PM | link to this | reply

brisbane artist, thanks for the wish.

I hope so, too.  I hope the New Year brings you all you desire, too.  Thanks for reading and for the comment.

posted by Temple on January 1, 2006 at 10:22 PM | link to this | reply

Temp

You are a star to which many things gravitate.  Nurish the good things that revolve around you, and let go the others; they will find their own place.

posted by smartdog_670 on January 1, 2006 at 8:13 PM | link to this | reply

Sublime

This bold, powerful, revealing and passionate post full of intimacy and charged emotion brought me to tears.  Best wishes for the new year.  Most of all, I wish you joy.

posted by rafika on January 1, 2006 at 1:43 PM | link to this | reply

The fact that your family doesn't seem to want you in their lives is very sad, but its their loss. They just don't know what they are missing. I'm glad you are making your own home and I'm hoping for all the best for you in 2006. xoxo

posted by Ca88andra on January 1, 2006 at 4:19 AM | link to this | reply

Goodbye to the past.

Happy New Year!

(A)

posted by A-and-B on December 31, 2005 at 2:53 PM | link to this | reply

Hope it all works out for you

Take Care,

Jo

posted by brisbane_artist on December 31, 2005 at 2:39 PM | link to this | reply

HG, thanks for the support. :)

I said to Joan, my trauma specialist...it seems like just words.  That's not home anymore.  But she said the same thing.  That's huge.  This post took me four days to write because I was coming to terms with it.  I still am, but I feel a little freer...like now I'm ready for what's next.   I don't have to keep hoping to go to them, because I AM home.  I can be done now.  Amazing feeling.  Hey, I've spent some holidays in Dallas.  My brother used to live there and my whole family is from Texas.  But, it is kind of weird to have Christmas when it's 80 degrees.

posted by Temple on December 31, 2005 at 7:42 AM | link to this | reply

Rach, yeah, you know. You always have.

Posole for Christmas Eve is a tradition in my family...and was a tradition with my friend's families growing up, too.  Sometimes tamales then, sometimes Christmas Day or New Year's Eve.  Sopapillas, homemade, even at one of my girlfriend's houses.  Oh man, I miss those.  You can't get them here.  I think when I have a house I'll have luminarias anyway....at the beach!  I'm glad you have your husband and the girls to build with.  That's easier.  I'm just starting later, but I'll have something like it soon.  I think I had to let this go first, work through it, say goodbye.  Make room.  It was just my process. 

I do wonder about if our families ever pass each other.  Jay and his shop, it's the biggest one there.  You never know...my sister's a judge, an elected official...she used to work for APD.  Your family could have voted for her.  How weird is that?  Well, I'm glad we both made it out and survived alcoholic upbringings to see something better.  That's a victory, no matter what.

posted by Temple on December 31, 2005 at 7:38 AM | link to this | reply

Reni, I'd never turn down your gingerbread cookies!

If your going to send a family though, make them anotomically correct, okay?  lol... That would be a fun family project!

posted by Temple on December 31, 2005 at 7:29 AM | link to this | reply

temple

It doesn't seem like a small thing at all - it's gigantic!!  Creating a home of your own, with no one to help you do it, breaking free from that weight on your shoulders of what/where home "should" be.  Huge indeed.  I realize that I am blessed to have my mother and my sister.  If you lived here you could spend holidays with us, but what kind of sick freak would leave San Diego for Dallas!?!?!  I hope you have a wonderful New Year! 

posted by Holy_Grail on December 31, 2005 at 7:15 AM | link to this | reply

Yep...

It's rough when you feel like you don't have a home.  I went through similar feelings about a year ago when I went home to Albuquerque and realized that there was nothing there for me.  And, even worse, no one wanted me there.  I felt lost.  So, I came back here after that visit and worked on my perception of home.  Slowly, this has become home.  I think that my family now feels threatened by that, but there is no turning back.  They can't have me now that I have found home and family outside of them.  As we both know, family can't always be the people you share blood with.  Sometimes, you have to create your own.  You'll continue to do it.

You're right about New Mexico in the winter.  It's a different kind of beautiful, but the traditions are awesome.  My oldest came home and told me she had posole and tamales for Christmas dinner at her Daddy's and that sounded SO good!

As beautiful as that blue desert sky is, it seems like there are a lot of screwed up people under it.  Your family and my family are there--that's a whole lot of screwed up!  Heh...  you gotta wonder if they ever pass eachother by at a grocery store or something, huh?

posted by RachelAnna on December 31, 2005 at 7:10 AM | link to this | reply

Should I bake a family of gbread men up and send them your way?lol

posted by Renigade on December 31, 2005 at 7:03 AM | link to this | reply

curator, you fixed on that statement because it's ludicrous! ...lol..

I couldn't believe it when it came out of her mouth.  I asked her, do you seriously believe that?  do you watch TV or see movies? ... She just says the most insane things sometimes.  Wicked tongue, too.  I realize that no family is perfect, but I think feeling wanted by your family at least leaves you knowing you are loved...or I would hope.  Thanks for reading and for your thoughts.

posted by Temple on December 31, 2005 at 6:01 AM | link to this | reply

"Adults don't go home for Thanksgiving"?!

I don't know why I fastened on that out of everything you said, but. . . your family members have some issues.  I mean, that's just cruel.

My mother, on the other hand, thinks adults should "come home" for... oh, I don't think she thinks we should ever leave in the first place (SIGH).  (An issue of its own variety.)

Families... we are supposed to get so much that is good from them, but so very very often, that is not what we get.

posted by curator on December 31, 2005 at 5:55 AM | link to this | reply