Comments on Yep, I'm depressed.

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Depression

Depression is a lot of things.  One such is the result of exhaustion.  Sometimes it's easier to identify the first than the second.  But get untired first.  If you're tired and can't sleep becauseof something like husband's medical condition, get something to make you sleep.  Normal doses of Sominex work for me.  Or Benadryl, which, unadulterated, is the exact same thing -- diphenhydramine.  If that doesn't work I increase the dosage. But then I weigh 215 pounds. If still depressed after sleeping well  for a few nights, go to a good doctor.  The doctor OUGHT to be able to listen and prescribe the RIGHT antidepressant.  Some would probably not be right.  Some help you over daily exhaustion as well as depression.  -Nt: I am not a doctor and am talking from experience, not med school.

posted by cerberus on December 2, 2005 at 10:31 AM | link to this | reply

How sad!

Like you said, you have so much to be thankful for ...

posted by fwmystic on November 27, 2005 at 1:19 PM | link to this | reply

RachelAnna,

With experience of already raising my family, I say to you sometimes it is so exhausting.  The biggest thing is take care of yourself, because you can't give what you don't have.  I remember of feeling life was a pressure cooker at times and like I had a super highway in my head.  Sometimes I just felt sadness, when I had so much.  Take care of yourself and take time for you, for your families sake.  With love, Jacenta

posted by jacenta on November 26, 2005 at 8:11 PM | link to this | reply

Thanks to everyone for the comments....

It helps to know that I can come here and sort of get this stuff off my chest.  I know so many people are quick to blame their lack of motivation on depression, so you just never know what you are going to get, but I am happy to feel no judgement here.  Knowing that I have a support system, even if just in cyber space, makes it all a bit easier.

Temple-  Though we haven't known one another all that long, and we've had rough times, it amazes me how well you know me sometimes.  Sometimes I think we are two perfectionist soul mates that always bump into one another at just the right time.  Thanks for the comment, and, I think giving up some of the perfectionist tendencies will help.  For sure.  Thanks for making me really step back and look at me.

Kingmi- I will certainly try them vitamins!  Anything to feel better than I do now, although, just admitting I'm depressed has helped me come to terms with it.  I appreciate your comment and advice.

MayB-  Somehow I knew you would understand this post.  I knew you would understand the difficulty of juggling the professional and personal stuff.  And yes, I think I have lost myself a bit over the last couple years.  That is, if I've ever really known myself.  I was talking to a friend yesterday and she said something about getting the kids into school will help, and I realized I've had a kid in the house since I was fifteen years old!  I'm not sure that I ever really got the chance to know the adult me, and I need to find that person.  I think I'll spend some time searching for me.  Thanks so much for the comment, I appreciate it (especially coming from someone I admire) more than you could know.

Spitfire- Yeah, it's been a crazy year, and I appreciate the comment and insight especially because I know that you haven't been feeling well and you've been stressed with moving and such.  I'll definitely try the vitamins, hopefully it'll help.  I do hope that 2006 will sort of be the end of the constant crisis and the beginning of something so much better.  Thanks for your thoughts.

Ariala-Thanks, as always, for the kind words.  Through everything, you've always found kind words to hand out to me when I needed it most.  I know that we live totally different lives, but in some ways I feel as though we are cut from the same cloth, and I'm glad that you are always able to get on my level, even for just a moment.  Your small comments remind me that I am not alone.  Thank you.

homegirl-Yeah, I think for a lot of us depression and lonliness brings us here, and then the support and ability to vent and get it all out there whenever we need to keeps us here.  I appreciate your support and understanding, in this and in all things. 

Odysseus- Ha!  Talk about the father figure I could have only dreamed of.  Thanks for the great advice.  Unfortunately, my husband is preparing for kidney surgery and I couldn't get away.  With the whole diabetes thing, it's not like I can ask just anyone to watch the kids.  So for now, I just need to find those spare minutes during the day.  As always, I appreciate the comment and suggestion, and someday, I'll take that much needed vacation by myself.  I may be 50, but hey, late is better than never.

Nickie- Odd, I think the thing that sort of spear headed my depression was my grandmother's stroke in Jan. 04.  She has not recovered, and a piece of me died with her that day.  While I didn't take care of her, it just took something from me.  Then, it's been one thing after another and emotionally I don't think I was able to recover from one thing before another happened.  It's truly been a horrible two years in so many ways I wouldn't want to count.  But, I'm starting to find the good, and generally, that's a good sign.  I do think I am on the upswing of things, and hopefully like you, I'll be feeling good in no time at all! 

Ca88andra- Thanks for the suggestions.  No, I'm not a big fan of anti-depressants as I have had only limited luck with them.  Writing has helped.  I think I'll continue to write about it (to the horror of those who may read!) when the mood strikes, just because I can get it all out there and then come back to reflect should I want to.  I always say I'll journal more, but I don't, so blogging substitutes....  Thanks for the kind words and understanding, hopefully I'll be better soon. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

posted by RachelAnna on November 26, 2005 at 7:58 PM | link to this | reply

Writing about it helps - well, it helped me. Please don't go on anti-depressants. Go back to basics first - good nutrition, plenty of sleep, some time for just you - even if it is difficult to find. Natural remedies are far better than chemical ones. You are a wonderful mother, you have a supportive family around you (and isn't it typical of males to just try and fix something) and you are strong. Take care of yourself too.

posted by Ca88andra on November 26, 2005 at 4:03 PM | link to this | reply

Rachel,

I completely understand how you are feeling. I have had a depression last year as well - only now came to realize it! Last year I was so tired all the time, and nothing interested me anymore. It was the result of my mom's stroke in July that year (2004). I cared for her for over two months, until a room at a revalidation clinic was free. I had to carry her from the bed to the toilet, to the shower, holding her up there, while trying to wash her properly... And the anxiety of knowing that each day can be the last...

I only now understand that I was depressed. If it is any solace to you, my depression got better. I feel great right now. Mother is still in a bad state, but she is taken care off. Luckily her pension is high enough to pay for the home. I have taken a grip on the situation at home. I had to take care of everything, all of a sudden. Now I'm rested once more, and can enjoy living. Hope things work out for you as well!

posted by Nickie-Fleming on November 26, 2005 at 2:05 PM | link to this | reply

Rachel –

I think you just need a badly overdue break from it all. Is there anyway you can get away for a bit? Maybe take a week to hang out in a spa or at the beach or something? No one can keep up such a pace forever without a chance to rejuvenate. Try to work it out. It will be one of the best things you ever did and when you get back you’ll be better prepared to deal with everything.

posted by telemachus on November 25, 2005 at 3:27 PM | link to this | reply

EXERCISE, REST, VITAMINS, AND BLOGGING

take care of yourself and get it off your chest...  I have to wonder if many of us bloggers aren't depressed... why else would be pour out our souls to strangers.

posted by homegirl on November 25, 2005 at 2:40 PM | link to this | reply

Rachel, I admire your strength through everything you've been though this

year and in previous years.  You're an amazing person, and after everything you've been through it's quite understandable that you're depressed.  Just remember, you're not alone.

posted by Ariala on November 25, 2005 at 2:26 PM | link to this | reply

Rach,

There are so many factors that can trigger depression and one never knows how long it may last. It's much easier said than done to "keep positive" all the time. We're human. You have been through a lot this past year and I hope 2006 brings you much better/easier times. I do think you should talk to someone, though. And, try St. John's Wart and like kingmi said, B complex vitamins help a lot, too. Hang in there and remember we're here for you.

posted by SpitFire70 on November 25, 2005 at 2:22 PM | link to this | reply

I can certainly identify with this. You've had a range of new things to deal with and coping with your daughter's diabetes is draining in all ways. I know what it's like when you are trying to build up the work and you have a new home and people in the family don't get it. I know how draining that can be. Sometimes I wish that I hadn't chosen freelance writing and that I chose something which does not intrude so much on my personal life and space.

I too have been keeping everyone else going and got to the point where I realised that I was getting no support myself. Throughout it all I have been far from well myself.

On the other hand, like you, I have made some significant achievements in past year and they offer hope.

I realised that I had to get of the rat's wheel and take a little time for myself, that if I didn't I was turning into a machine and that the machine was about to break down.

As Temple commented, you are functioning so it is possibly situation and therefore it is important to get some balance and find a little time and something just for you. It is easy to bury our own needs and identifies and perhaps, as I did, you have lost touch with your own identity and needs. You have to be a little bit selfish about that but then it will help you feel complete and able to feel and to keep giving.

posted by Azur on November 25, 2005 at 1:36 PM | link to this | reply

R/A, as everyone knows, I recommend Vit. B-complex at night and B1 A.M.'s

posted by kingmi on November 25, 2005 at 1:05 PM | link to this | reply

It's no wonder with everything you've been through.

I wish I was that productive when I was depressed, that's for sure.  You could just be tired.  Soul tired.  Some depressions are situational, Rach, and doctors make them clinical.  You've had a lot going on.  Think about it this way...if the things that are making you so tired and depressed now were gone, would you feel better?  If you can say "yes" then it's probably situational, and be really careful about someone trying to medicate you (or label you, for that matter).  Anyone would go through this now.  You still meet deadlines, you still work, the house is good, the kids are good....in a serious, clinical depression, you wouldn't be able to keep all that up.  Just hang in there, okay?  I know what you're feeling.  It's just adjustment, transition.  It sucks, but maybe it's time to find out if you can delegate some things and not have things be so perfect all the time...let some stuff go.  It's okay to feel this way for a while, it's the body and mind's way of recharging.  Talking to someone is good, just don't let them pigeon hole ya.  The PTSD is not a factor...don't worry.  From what I know (and my trauma specialist makes me actually study) it doesn't fit the criteria.  It was traumatic, but it should pass in time.  Get some pringles, let yourself have some down time, and remember that it's okay to let other people hold themselves up.

posted by Temple on November 25, 2005 at 12:56 PM | link to this | reply