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:(
I was in that situation just over three years ago. I ended up losing all parties. I lost who I was with, I lost the person who wanted my affections, and I lost my best friend who was with that person. But through a twisted chain of events, I ended up getting my best friend back. In my experience, it was NOT worth it whatsoever, because I ended up suffering incredibly... the person left me for someone else. Never ever be with someone who had to leave someone else to be with you. Because they will end up doing the same to you.
posted by
Ichi
on November 29, 2005 at 1:58 PM
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All's fair in love and war ...
if it really is love... what start's as love is usually lust
posted by
fwmystic
on November 27, 2005 at 9:17 PM
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Lensman
I am truly taken in by your commentary...wonderfully said. I am glad to know there are still a few good men out there!
posted by
cosy
on November 27, 2005 at 2:48 PM
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Cosy
Following the heart is a good thing to do, unless it's going to hurt someone else. I have this feeling that these things we know as commitment and responsibility swould die forever if people were to give into every wish and temptation. I can visualize a world of empty vows and collapsed promises. Nobody would be required to develop strength of character. Will power and self-denial would become things of the past. There would be lots of miserable people, even more than there already are. Let's say your family member gives into temptation tomorrow. Two innocent people would suffer, maybe more if there are children in the picture. A year from now, he/she may find that they've made a hell of a big mistake. Or he/she may fall in love with yet another person, and on it goes. I would do my best not to fall in love with a married person ever. (Ever again, that is...I did once, and this is where I'm getting the thoughts I've just written). When you feel those first stirrings of forbidden emotion, it's time to get out of Dodge before it's too late. Okay, you asked, and I did my best to answer
posted by
Lensman
on November 26, 2005 at 7:57 PM
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cosy--
I know "things happen" and I don't want to sound like a moral authority, but I think such a relationship should never be pursued.
posted by
Hemlocker
on November 26, 2005 at 3:20 PM
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Oh boy.
Well, I've been in a situation similar to this...only no one was married. I met a man who was in a relationship and we were friends, became very good friends. One day we realized we had very strong feelings, and they were unique...something that was leading to love, something we hadn't felt quite the same before. I'm of the "never" school, too, but we knew we were in deep. At first, we ended the friendship. But, it was torture, and we knew it was wrong. He knew he wasn't happy in his relationship, so he ended it. We were together for a while, and happy, and it was the right thing to do. We are still close and he is very much in love with someone else...in the relationship he was meant to be in. We have no regrets. I think it's impossible to say that you shouldn't put yourself in that position, because feelings for someone can develop from out of anywhere. I think that once you are there, you should try to handle the situation with as much integrity and honor as possible. We never acted on anything until he left her, but I think sometimes people might act on it thinking they are in love ... realize they were not, and realize they did not want to leave their spouses, that it was the spouse they loved deeply. And, technically, our emotionally involvement was cheating, we know that. But we had to explore it to a certain degree to see if there was something to even act on. In our defense, by the time we realized where it had gone, we did make that decision to end it first, we did the best we could. Mistakes happen like this. I just wrote a post about my best friend's husband cheating on her, so I don't condone it, but I think when you are dealing with love, you sometimes must break rules to find out the right thing to do. Fortunately, I've never had to make that decision. If it were my friend, I would tell her to ask for a separation if she really felt like she loved this other man...she need not give reason why, that's more than I know of their situation...but she needs to decide how she feels to be fair to everyone. She could take the time to be alone for a while, be with the other man, whatever she had to do to get her mind right. And then make the right decision for all involved. Including herself.
posted by
Temple
on November 25, 2005 at 10:59 AM
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My perception is that if you are married, then you should not allow something to get to the point where you fall in love with someone else...if your marriage is bad, then I believe you should get out of it first before giving your heart to someone else.
posted by
Julia.
on November 25, 2005 at 10:45 AM
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Cosy-I believe honesty is the best of policy.
posted by
Aria4
on November 25, 2005 at 9:12 AM
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Clearlyperceived
thank you...but what's YOUR perspective?
posted by
cosy
on November 25, 2005 at 8:15 AM
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Thanks...a wonderful probe.
Very well expressed. Truth can be brutal, especially if there is resistance.
posted by
clearlyperceived
on November 25, 2005 at 8:11 AM
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