Comments on Teenagers and sex

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muser - I agree that parents seem to have forgotten their responsibilities in so many areas, sex education being one of them. It seems to be so easy nowadays to have kids, but also so easy not to look after them.

posted by Ca88andra on October 25, 2005 at 2:08 AM | link to this | reply

melissa - it must be difficult to raise girls nowadays, at least boys can't get pregnant. But I truly believe that both sexes have to learn to respect each other. Thanks for reading.

posted by Ca88andra on October 25, 2005 at 2:03 AM | link to this | reply

Unfortunately, Ca88andra, the A.C.L.U. is alive and well in the U.S.

Public schools teach about sex and pregnancy prevention...moral issues are completely ignored. Hollywood teaches the how to and that sexiness and beauty are one and the same. And when a young girl gets pregnant or a disease, the A.C.L.U. protects her right to abortion or birth control WITHOUT parental consent. This is what happens when parents abdicate their authority.

posted by muser on October 24, 2005 at 12:28 PM | link to this | reply

Wow!  I am so glad to hear that you aren't just hiding your head in the sand.  I know exactly how you feel, my oldest daughter is 12, I had her when I was 17 and I DO NOT want history to repeat itsself.  My parents were and are wonderful people, it's just that there are so many issues that we didn't discuss.  My daughter and I discuss EVERYTHING now, because I know that soon she won't want to.  My girls are two reasons that I don't have a job, because my husband and I just feel that one of us should be around for as long as they'll have us.  One really big thing that I always tell my oldest is that when she's in high school and thinks she want's to become sexually active, she should really consider whether or not she is going to be with that boy for a while, because there are too many issues that can come up that you can regret and nothing hurts like ruining your reputation for a slime ball's good time!

posted by melissaknight on October 24, 2005 at 5:25 AM | link to this | reply

Temple - thank you, thank you, thank you! I don't think of myself as awesome, just realistic. But its always nice to know that someone out there thinks I'm doing a good job.

posted by Ca88andra on October 24, 2005 at 3:32 AM | link to this | reply

I know you are good about it, but you are the exception.

But, like I have always told you, you are an awesome Mom. :) 

posted by Temple on October 24, 2005 at 2:59 AM | link to this | reply

Pat - I agree to a point that kids are exposed to much more these days than ever before and at an earlier age. I'm not against sexual experimentation, or teenagers having sex per se. What I am against is girls being forced into sexual acts that they don't want to do, simply because they believe they won't be popular if they resist. I think these girls should be taught how to say no and given good reasons behind making sexual decisions.

posted by Ca88andra on October 24, 2005 at 2:50 AM | link to this | reply

Blanche - I don't think its desensitisation so much. I think its all about teaching girls to respect themselves and not to give in just to gain some sort of perceived popularity.

posted by Ca88andra on October 24, 2005 at 2:47 AM | link to this | reply

Queen - thank you for reading!

posted by Ca88andra on October 24, 2005 at 2:45 AM | link to this | reply

Temple, I taught my boys at age 10 about sex and I've also answered their questions, although I draw the line at talking about personal experience! But none of my boys seem to hang with the crowd that demands sex of girls in order to ensure popularity. I know those boys exist though and while there are girls around to give in to them, I guess they will always exist.

posted by Ca88andra on October 24, 2005 at 2:45 AM | link to this | reply

ginnie - I have to admit I did admire the punk couple who were abstaining from sex. There were some strong females, but the overall majority seemed to care more about their boyfriends than themselves.

posted by Ca88andra on October 24, 2005 at 2:42 AM | link to this | reply

Joe - I don't think thats all it is. Somehow girls aren't getting the message that they are important too.

posted by Ca88andra on October 24, 2005 at 2:40 AM | link to this | reply

Blanche - I wonder if its so much what type of home the parents provide as it is peer pressure? Seems to me this debate is popular at the moment - I read an article in today's paper where an author of a new book was questioning the benefit of having sex kittens like Brittney Spears as positive images.

posted by Ca88andra on October 24, 2005 at 2:40 AM | link to this | reply

it's not just sex --

to follow up on Joe Love's insightful comment -- children are being desensitized to everything: violence, death, family ties, responsibility, what's real and necessary and what's not. They're being over-sensitized to fads and fashion, superficial values, brand names, and who's daddy has the most money. The sense of wonder is disappearing at younger and younger ages. Sexual experimentation is just one facet on the dark jewel.

posted by Pat_B on October 23, 2005 at 4:30 PM | link to this | reply

Ca88,

I think Joe_Love has a point about desensitizaion, also my feeling is that feminism has taken a bizarre turn in encouraging young girls to want to act more like guys.  That is, more openly sexual in a non-monogamous way, objectifying men as women have been objectified, in order to turn the tables.  It's sad to me, because it only makes waiting for real love more difficult, and pressure to try more outrageous sex acts.  I joke that I'm glad that I'm not young these days because the drugs are harder and the sex is kinkier. 

posted by Blanche. on October 22, 2005 at 11:54 PM | link to this | reply

Great post

Cass.............and jogged some memories of raising my daughter. Thanks and enjoyes reading you.

posted by ALWAYSALOVER on October 22, 2005 at 10:49 AM | link to this | reply

Hey Cass, when were we ever into talking to our kids about sex?

At least in the States, the answer for the gen pop would be never.  I never got a sex talk, and I lost my virginity at 13.  What you said you saw in the documentary holds true, except the virginity activity stat is now heading down to 11.  They say you need to be starting to talk to your kids at 9, or it's already getting late.  We expect them to pick it up in school, but then harrang the schools if they talk about anything other than abstinance as an option.  We have no clue here, it's so backwards.  No girl should be having sex at 11, 13, even 15 is questionable...but we have to accept that it is happening and give them ways to protect themselves, say no if they want to -- give them permission and worth to say no.  I think if we didn't make it so taboo it would be easier since in sexually free countries like Sweden they have a teen pregnancy rate of 1%, and STD/HIV transmission is very low (last I checked those).  Kids always want the forbidden, make it the norm and it's not such a big deal anymore.  The boys out here talk about only dating girls that will toss their salad... give a blow job.  It's fucking sick, I agree. 

posted by Temple on October 21, 2005 at 10:21 PM | link to this | reply

I saw that docu too Cass...

..I think you are absolutely right...girls believing that they 'must' have sex in order to keep boyfriends or just because they still see their gender as the submissive one is a tremendously sad commentary.  There were girls on that show who were on the other fence too though weren't there?  I'm actually wondering if it's much different than it always was...by that I mean that there are strong females and weak ones.  Just as there are boys who expect and boys who respect.  Maybe I'm being overly naive...and teens no doubt know more now..or at earlier than we did.

posted by ginnieb on October 21, 2005 at 9:47 PM | link to this | reply

Unfortunately our generation has chosen

to desensitize our children to sex.

posted by Joe_Love on October 21, 2005 at 8:40 PM | link to this | reply

It is sad, Ca88.  I hope if the parents provide a safe, loving home, that girls will be less likely to give in to that pressure and look for their nurturing in sex, which is a bad mistake.

posted by Blanche. on October 21, 2005 at 7:44 PM | link to this | reply

Blanche I agree - the world is tough! Its not so much the experimentation that shocks me - teenagers will experiment with many things and the boundaries get pushed with each generation, but the fact that girls willingly turn themselves into some sort of sex slave, makes me angry.

posted by Ca88andra on October 21, 2005 at 7:42 PM | link to this | reply

Ca88andra,

I think the times are so different for this generation that you and I can't really comprehend. When I was 13, I was totally naiive.  Naivtete isn't even possible now, I think, given how early kids are exposed by the media, by older kids, the atmosphere is just so much more worldly and sophisiticated.  The bar has been raised, and for girls I think there's a pressure, not just to hang onto a boyfriend, but to prove a sophistication by trying sexual things they may or not be ready for, like threesomes and lesbian sex.  I don't have kids, but I know some teenagers and their world is tough.

posted by Blanche. on October 21, 2005 at 7:36 PM | link to this | reply