Comments on Learning to forgive myself

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Silvermoon7 thank you for the comment. I certainly hope you are right!

posted by Ca88andra on October 11, 2005 at 2:13 AM | link to this | reply

wordsmith thank you. I hope the moving on is slightly less painful than admitting the fault in the first place.

posted by Ca88andra on October 11, 2005 at 2:12 AM | link to this | reply

What a familiar story.  I'm right there with you, Ca88.  I think the hardest part for you is done:  Having realized your mistakes and taken steps to remedy them.  Self-forgiveness is about as tough, but essential.  Think how empowered you will be when you finally achieve that.  I have a feeling you're closer to that goal than you think! 

posted by SilverMoon7 on October 9, 2005 at 4:45 AM | link to this | reply

Good job, Cass.

Half the struggle is in admitting that the fault exists and that it needs to be fixed. You've done that. As you said, it's time to move on.

posted by word.smith on October 8, 2005 at 9:52 AM | link to this | reply

Temple, thank you. It is difficult to break the bad habits we have, but I guess we have to keep trying.

posted by Ca88andra on October 7, 2005 at 10:34 PM | link to this | reply

Joe, it wasn't so bad, but I was relieved when it was over.

posted by Ca88andra on October 7, 2005 at 10:33 PM | link to this | reply

Spitfire, thank you! I hope you're feeling better.

posted by Ca88andra on October 7, 2005 at 10:32 PM | link to this | reply

Mia, its probably a very human thing. I know alot of people who feel the same way.

posted by Ca88andra on October 7, 2005 at 10:31 PM | link to this | reply

Merry - I do want to move forward, I'm tired of always looking behind.

posted by Ca88andra on October 7, 2005 at 10:30 PM | link to this | reply

Mercurial, a bit of both I think. Changes and decisions aren't always defined perfectly.

posted by Ca88andra on October 7, 2005 at 10:29 PM | link to this | reply

staggering - change is a big thing and I think I needed to look back and see the change, accept it and now maybe move on. Hey, its a start!

posted by Ca88andra on October 7, 2005 at 10:28 PM | link to this | reply

Pat, what a great comment - thank you! Acceptance is good too and I'm learning to accept who I am.

posted by Ca88andra on October 7, 2005 at 10:26 PM | link to this | reply

Symphony - writing helps so much! I do feel better.

posted by Ca88andra on October 7, 2005 at 10:24 PM | link to this | reply

Offbeats - I hope I've reached the milestone - its one I have to reach.

posted by Ca88andra on October 7, 2005 at 10:24 PM | link to this | reply

Flame - not agreeing with people just makes life interesting! I will try to read part 2.

posted by Ca88andra on October 7, 2005 at 10:22 PM | link to this | reply

This is why I always tell you to be gentle with yourself.

I know I'm really hard on myself, too.  It's a hard habit to break, and it wreaks havoc on our physical health in all sorts of ways.  I have let certain people, well my parents, make me feel bad about myself and I can't seem to totally break that cycle either.  You don't need to forgive yourself, sweetie, just learn from it for next time. We're all human.  You didn't do anything wrong.

posted by Temple on October 7, 2005 at 10:05 PM | link to this | reply

That's a bummer to dedicate

years of your life to somebody you know you don't belong with. But, I guess it's all a learning experience, huh??

posted by Joe_Love on October 7, 2005 at 9:59 PM | link to this | reply

Cass,

I am happy to read this post, however, as you may know, my physical injury has been keeping me from reading as much and commenting as much as I normally do. Now, I have read only this recent post due to reasons I will tell you about later (privately) but it sounds to me as if you have the right mindset to keep moving on for the better. We have lots more to talk about though!   

posted by SpitFire70 on October 7, 2005 at 12:57 AM | link to this | reply

Ca88andra

I'm full of "what if's" myself...perhaps it is in our nature to wonder....to hang onto the past...

posted by MiaElla on October 6, 2005 at 1:07 PM | link to this | reply

I know that I have struggled with things I have done in the past

and it is hard to set them aside. But if you want to move forward I have faith that you will do so.

posted by MerryAnne on October 6, 2005 at 1:05 PM | link to this | reply

This is a wonderful healing step

One final decision, or a day to day process?  This is hard for me.

posted by MercurialGem on October 6, 2005 at 11:56 AM | link to this | reply

change

Change can be really hard to make. Especially when it seems to be such a broad, all-encompassing change. It's good that you're getting out all the scenarios you keep replaying. That's why I'm here. Don't beat yourself up over decisions you made in the past. Everyone makes bad decisions. Instead, you should look for ways to change the decisions that really make you unhappy.

posted by _the_staggering_genius_ on October 6, 2005 at 7:11 AM | link to this | reply

maybe forgiveness is the wrong term

I think there's little to forgive -- at least in what I read of your life. Women are socialized to be passive and to accept the notion that others have the right to decide for them, control them, etc.  I think, based on my own painful learning, that what we need is to accept ourselves. And not just meekly say, oh, well, this is who or what I am, and there's nothing to be done about it.

But to realize we are wonderful, human, imperfect and struggling, but nonetheless have a right to be, and do and live out lives among the souls around us. So, you ignored your gut feeling and married the wrong guy. Welcome to the club... It's better now, you've learned something, it's all good.

posted by Pat_B on October 6, 2005 at 6:30 AM | link to this | reply

I can really relate to this post.

I hope you are able to move on.....writing is very therapeutic....

posted by _Symphony_ on October 6, 2005 at 4:01 AM | link to this | reply

Ca88

Learing to forgive yourself is a milestone in itself... Sounds like you have reached that milestone!!

posted by Offy on October 6, 2005 at 3:12 AM | link to this | reply

Your post this morning was very interesting and a great revelling for me.However,your reaction to my post is not just tantamount to stereotyping but more on the peripheri of being preposterous. To claim that, african males have no compunction about cheating their wivies or that cheating is prima facie over there, was the worse kind of overstatement I have ever read or heard. I do think sincerely that, there are instances where a little bit of prevarication to any problem posed is necessary. Above all else, thank you very much for reading. Hopefully you will be able to read the final part today. God Bless.

posted by Flame-thrower on October 6, 2005 at 2:47 AM | link to this | reply