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Offbeats
thank you...it makes a whole lot of sense...what doesn't make sense is the fact of loving and still hurting...I can't grasp that concept but I lived it.
posted by
cosy
on October 4, 2005 at 5:49 AM
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Cozy
Humm, most of us probably have related to where your turmoil is sometime or anyother! I dang sure have a couple of times( especially true love ).
I see the healing process in phases. Hurt, anger, denial, all those emotions making it impossible to eat, sleep, or otherwise live our normal life. Our comfort zone has been destroyed, if you will.
One the other hand, I have learned the sooner I make my new space, my comfort zone, it becomes more of the focus. Like my last marriage, my break up was easier because I immediately knew I was a happy camper within hours of creating my new space! Seperating lonely, and all the other phases came later.
I don't know if any of this is making sense to you, but love yourself just as much as you loved the relationship. Give yourself a chance!! Hope the best for you !!!
posted by
Offy
on October 4, 2005 at 5:44 AM
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fwmystic
I never said those things were driven by love. I asked if someone can love and still do horrible things. What drives someone to these are either bitter revenge or carnal sin...and in the end neither are justified. One is no better than the other. That was my point, you interpreted it wrongly. Thank you for stopping in and no, all men don't cheat.
posted by
cosy
on October 4, 2005 at 5:21 AM
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Queenofalot
posted by
cosy
on October 4, 2005 at 5:18 AM
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Lensman
Thank you for giving me some hope. Yes, we've bothe forgiven but neither have forgotten. There's the problem. Thank you for stopping in and caring
posted by
cosy
on October 4, 2005 at 5:17 AM
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Rame
I know. I should've known better. I humbly admit I became the same garbage. Thank you for your sincere comments.
posted by
cosy
on October 4, 2005 at 5:16 AM
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GIGO - garbage in, garbage out ...
so sad that you became all those things you mentioned because you were acting out of ..... love? BTW, all men cheat.
posted by
fwmystic
on October 3, 2005 at 8:45 PM
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WOW
great post and I have no wisom to share ....except for Gawd bless you sweetie, tough up and
always love.
posted by
ALWAYSALOVER
on October 3, 2005 at 8:15 PM
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Cosy
Lots of hard-edged questions. Really good writing and clearly stated, which made it easy to follow your thought process. Sounds as if you've been on both sides of the fence, as have we all. Makes you human. One thing to always try for is forgiveness. Oh, boy, it ain't easy, though, if there's been some kind of a betrayal, and the sad thing is that even though you forgive someone, things will never be the same again. But they can be pretty good. And if you're the one who needs forgiveness and you don't seem to be getting it, well, some people aren't quite as quick with it as others. Worth waiting and hoping for, though.
posted by
Lensman
on October 3, 2005 at 6:15 PM
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Cosy,
All those things can and must be forgiven but that doesn't mean, by any stretch of the imagination, that because you forgive you should take that person back. When a person treats another that way, it IS NOT LOVE, it IS NOT RESPECT, it is despicable. If a person is treated that way over and over and finally decides to fight fire with fire and do the same to the abuser, then the abused is putting her/himself on the same despicable level as the abused. Resentment and getting even don't solve anything and taking a person who has treated you like that repeatedly should never be allowed back into the relationship. If he/she is allowed back into the relationship, he/she has absolutely no incentive to change even if he/she says he/she has changed. All that teaches them is that it's okay to treat another person that way and if the other person excludes them from the relationship, all they have to do is lie and get back again for round 2.
posted by
RAME
on October 3, 2005 at 3:00 PM
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Masky
I needed to hear that....badly. Thank you
Thank you....
posted by
cosy
on October 3, 2005 at 12:18 PM
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Cosy
Am I the only one out there who knows love can sometimes hurt so badly it can literally drive you to hurt badly back?
No, Cosy......you're not alone.
But I want to commend you for first realizing you must forgive yourself. THAT IS SO VERY IMPORTANT, and I'm glad for you that you realize this...thinking of you!
posted by
Masky
on October 3, 2005 at 12:13 PM
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loanlady
I need to first forgive myself...I wasn't any better and it hurts worse when you hurt one you love. Thank you
posted by
cosy
on October 3, 2005 at 11:44 AM
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I wish for you healing and time to pass to heal.
Love is such a crazy thing - for me too abuse was the final straw after so many other frailties
posted by
the-loanlady
on October 3, 2005 at 11:42 AM
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