Comments on Can YOU Write a Terrible Opening Line???

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Guilty as charged...

too serious to get it.  

Now I'm laughing.

posted by Dylan24 on August 10, 2005 at 5:23 AM | link to this | reply

Ah, the sweet stink of corruption ~

~ Yeeeaaahhhh, baby!

posted by mark2556 on August 8, 2005 at 1:16 PM | link to this | reply

Thanks...

...to everyone for taking part, to Ca88andra for laughing so hard, and for Dylan for being too serious to get it ;-)

I can now announce that Mark2556 is the eventual winner - mainly because he was the only one to offer me money. The sexual degradation I'll pass on, and as for the beef - well, I'm a veggie, innit?

Well done, Mark!!

D

posted by DamonLeigh on August 8, 2005 at 8:32 AM | link to this | reply

Okay, the first one is deliberately awful. But otherwise I don't get it. The second two opening lines seem pretty vividly descriptive and coherently written, to me. The only thing I'd say against them is that they are overwrought. These lines have definitely not the low quality of "It was a dark and stormy night", unless I miss something.

posted by Dylan24 on August 8, 2005 at 4:48 AM | link to this | reply

I seriously don't think I could do any worse. I would be laughing too much to type.

posted by Ca88andra on August 7, 2005 at 3:45 AM | link to this | reply

Thanks, yes I suppose Tenn sound as good as any other of these areas.

posted by Justi on August 6, 2005 at 11:49 AM | link to this | reply

Damon ~ Ta very much.

Wow...it's fun to speak Nordic.  Anyway, please keep me posted.  I really want to win because I boosted that entry from a collection of pretty darned funny writings called The Worst Analogies Ever Written.  Plagiarizing high school students and winning a prize for it would mean a lot to me.  Can I influence the judges with money, sexual degradation or beef?  Please?

posted by mark2556 on August 6, 2005 at 4:52 AM | link to this | reply

Joe Love...

..."smelled like citronella"

I like that.

Thanks for the entry.

D

posted by DamonLeigh on August 6, 2005 at 2:24 AM | link to this | reply

Justsouno...

....that be the start of a novel set down thar in Tennassee or some such place, huh?

Good one!

D

posted by DamonLeigh on August 6, 2005 at 2:19 AM | link to this | reply

Mark...

...I'm following your coded instructions now.

Thanks for your entry (ooo-err, sounds a bit rude). We'll be in touch. The judges decision is final.

D

posted by DamonLeigh on August 6, 2005 at 2:15 AM | link to this | reply

My entry

Scott McFluffle watched the woman who smelled like citronella stumble on the sidewalk when the heel of her shoe caught on a wadded up piece of bubble gum that had been casually spit out by the little boy who had just skated-boarded past him.

posted by Joe_Love on August 5, 2005 at 11:47 PM | link to this | reply

I was hot as a pea on a pot bellied stove; I knowed it weren't gonna be a fit day for a flea on a fuzzy peach, I really needed a beer I knowed it would be a bad day it got to be a bad day when I heard that there car pull up in the yard, a bad day for shore that was the preacher's car.

posted by Justi on August 5, 2005 at 6:34 PM | link to this | reply

Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung=20 by mistake.

posted by mark2556 on August 5, 2005 at 5:13 AM | link to this | reply

Absolutely...

...cracking entry, Pat. (I THINK you've sort-of cheated by having three sentences where you're limited to one, I think, but I'm no rule-Nazi!)

Many thanks for your contribution.

D

posted by DamonLeigh on August 5, 2005 at 3:15 AM | link to this | reply

across a crowded room

he saw her, looking at him with the heat-seeking glance of a thirty-year old virgin who's ready to make up for lost time. The fire burned through his chest, imploding deep in his gut. As someone moved out of his way, he could see the mounds of her full breasts shimmering through a revealing green silk blouse that would never be approved by the Legion of Decency. He moved instinctively toward her,

posted by Pat_B on August 4, 2005 at 10:26 AM | link to this | reply