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Pat_B
Hindsight is 20/20....I just kind of wish I had made him take some responsibility and not let him walk away...at least seen what would have happened instead of saying fine, you don't want this baby or me, we don't need you and storming off...showing him. What did I show him? I mean, I'm such a big believer in options, and yet, I gave my daughter no option when it came to knowing her own father...that's what it really boils down to.
posted by
Krisles
on August 4, 2005 at 3:36 PM
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Same song, diff. verse
What my mother told me once after I had grown up without my dad's influence or protection, was that sometimes you're better off without a dad than with a bad one. After I began checking, I found that she was right, the man who abandoned her and us three kids had such character weaknesses it would have made our troubles even worse. Sometimes after you hit 40 or so you realize the difference a good father might have made, and it can make you sad or angry. Sometimes you just exhale and count your lucky stars...
posted by
Pat_B
on August 4, 2005 at 3:27 PM
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krisles
i never knew so many women had father issues. it's virtually everywhere.
posted by
avant-garde
on July 24, 2005 at 1:58 PM
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Joe_Love
She's a grown woman with two, soon to be three, children of her own. She knows where he is and knows that I would help facilitate the meeting anytime she says the word. This has always been the case. I have never lied to her about who her father is, although I did lie to my parents for many years due to the fact that they all lived in a very small town together...long story. I worry that my daughter holds a lot of repressed pain and anger inside but have talked many times to her about it and she says not. She brought his photo and her sister's photo up on the internet from a news article and had me do the same while we were on the phone not long ago...I tried to read her voice as I was very emotional looking at them...she sounded cool as a cucumber. My mom may be the one to push the issue as she keeps saying she is going to write the old man...I have stopped her so far saying it is my daughter's drama. I really don't know the right thing to do...I don't want to bring more rejection and hurt on her than just the silence and then that letter followed by more silence was....and she's a mama with children to protect from rejection now.
posted by
Krisles
on July 24, 2005 at 11:10 AM
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Krisles. . , so your daughter is HOW old, now??
I kinda feel she deserves to meet both her natural father AND her grandfather. I know you're probably not in the mood for drama, but that's kinda how I feel.
posted by
Joe_Love
on July 24, 2005 at 9:34 AM
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Krisles
To sit so close to someone that you know and don't know......strange.
Now, why are you and offbeat mad at me?
posted by
TIMMYTALES
on July 22, 2005 at 10:14 PM
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Timmy
If you mean the grandfather, it wasn't really because I do feel so strongly it is my daughter's decision now and she knows how to reach him if she wants to. If you mean the whole situation with her "sperm donor", it was really only hard not to have someone to share the beauty of the birth and the initial months with ...he came over when she was two weeks old and held her and cried. That was the only time he ever saw her. And it was hard worrying that she hurt not ever having him in her life..but she always, and still, said she didn't want him....I can't believe that...she's just too loving of me. But she is very curious about her siblings.
posted by
Krisles
on July 22, 2005 at 10:04 PM
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Timmy
It was really only hard not to have someone to share the beauty of the birth and the initial months with ...he came over when she was two weeks old and held her and cried. That was the only time he ever saw her. And it was hard worrying that she hurt not ever having him in her life..but she always, and still, said she didn't want him....I can't believe that...she's just too loving of me. But she is very curious about her siblings.
posted by
Krisles
on July 22, 2005 at 10:01 PM
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Krisles
That has got to be a very hard thing to do......or not to do.
posted by
TIMMYTALES
on July 22, 2005 at 9:50 PM
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MW
I'm sure he knew...it was supposedly from him...I just know she wrote it because it was all legal sounding. It really pissed me off because I was so careful in my initial letter to tell him that if he wanted to get me the info through his attorney (not knowing at that time he was married to one!) that was fine with me. He had no idea that I had always known where to contact him and what was going on with him (we had mutual acquaintances). I was always so concerned that he never think I wanted anything from him...again, my dang pride...I should have thought more about my daughter's future. I mean, she never suffered...I worked hard and my folks were there as backup to make sure of it if I hadn't been able to...but the guy could have provided for her with no problem....I just didn't want any part of him when he didn't want us, plain and simple....I was always a stubborn and independent cuss!
posted by
Krisles
on July 22, 2005 at 8:47 PM
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If he was going to walk away there really would have been nothing you could have done to stop him, don't kick yourself. ONe must wonder if he is aware of what the wife did.
posted by
Bel_
on July 22, 2005 at 8:35 PM
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MW/Passion
My daughter could have killed her from the pain in my face when I told her about the letter. I had never contacted him and only did when my granddaughter was born to find out about medical history because it was such a big deal in the news..he called me and was all "I want to meet her"....wanted photos, etc....long story about how he is....so I sent....after I told daughter what he said and about her having two siblings which is all she was interested in knowing (she says)...then I get this letter wife wrote and had to tell her forget about what he said. Daughter has located him on internet..he is under federal indictment for prescribing pain meds..he is a m.d....it's a big deal in Roanoke...his daughter was valedictorian and is going to Harvard....my mother still wants to contact his dad...I want to leave it up to my daughter..she is a grown woman and I think this should be her decision now. I have many second guesses about how I handled the whole thing from the start as far as just letting him walk away when I was pregnant...my pride....I let him, so he did.
posted by
Krisles
on July 22, 2005 at 8:32 PM
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Ariala
I wrote you on my post about getting back to Texas...yes, it was and I love the stuff...read what I wrote there..I will be writing more when I get to try it out more than just smelling..love it!
posted by
Krisles
on July 22, 2005 at 8:24 PM
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Was my package at the PO?
posted by
Ariala
on July 22, 2005 at 8:12 PM
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You should have gotten up...it was God himself who put you two
Together that day...and marched right over there and told him the whole truth. He needs to know.
posted by
Passionflower
on July 22, 2005 at 8:06 PM
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Can I go smack the wife of the sperm donor?
posted by
Bel_
on July 22, 2005 at 8:02 PM
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