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You're not out of sync, I always appreciate what you are saying.
I understand, too. Friendships of any kind fade, so maybe this pain isn't worth it....but, I don't know what will happen and maybe it will last. In either case, I suppose I just have to do it for me...to avoid wondering, to avoid regret. I've never been one who can cut people out of my life without some seriously extreme circumstances (meaning they were horrible to me over long periods of time). I don't really know, so I just take it one day at a time...and I hope we find our way through it. There is still so much to figure out, and I'm just dealing witih losing my love....I'm not ready to never talk to him again. You see? Much of this depends on how important he makes it, too.
posted by
Temple
on July 17, 2005 at 9:19 AM
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Temple, as I say I remained friends too but now when I think back, I lost touch with all but two. In all but those two cases I now think I would have been just as well to let it go as soon as the romance was done with and focus on other people be they friends or potential partners. I guess it is like any friendship --some work for a time and others can last. BTW, I don't regret any relationship --most had redeeming features but now I stick them in the "it was nice while it lasted" category.
It hurts like hell at such times I know.
I suppose I am only saying this because I can see the pain you are in and focusing on the cause of that might drag it out unneccessarily. Of course I know that we all have to go through a certain amount of pain with these things.
Geez, I am gonna shut up now. I know I am out of sync here.
posted by
Azur
on July 17, 2005 at 9:06 AM
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Cass,
Better in ways, yes....most definitely.
posted by
Temple
on July 17, 2005 at 8:50 AM
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I'm glad things are different, I hope they are better...
posted by
Ca88andra
on July 17, 2005 at 2:11 AM
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oh, and P.S. here to May...
Some of my best friends in my life have been ex's, so I guess I never really wondered the use of it. I always saw the value.
posted by
Temple
on July 16, 2005 at 4:08 PM
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May, I think I understand what you are saying...
I need to allow myself to breathe, which we are both doing (he, obviously, much easier than me as it seems). But, I think that when you love someone you should find a way to keep them in your life unless they have done something intentionally bad to you....he and I were good friends for a long time first, and we became best friends even before dating. We always felt like family. All of these things feel uncertain now, of course, since his behavior doesn't reflect that truth....but time will sort it out. I always want to make sure I put in the time and effort so that if I do have to close that door, I do it without regret...without wondering if I should have done something differently. We, or at least I, don't want to lose the very special connection we had outside of our romantic relationship.....we'll just have to see how it goes. I don't give up on any people, romantic or otherwise, very easily. I can't stand the idea of having loved them and then not having them around. I'm not sure these days the right thing to do, so I do the right thing in the moment for myself.
Yes, I will put up three more posts that were written from the time I was gone from here and writing only at blogspot. Thanks for your input. :)
posted by
Temple
on July 16, 2005 at 4:06 PM
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Temple, I was relieved when I read the red postscript to say that this post was from a while back. Even though I always made a big deal of staying friends with exes and almost always did I now wonder why I did that and can see it is better to shut the door. Then if you are in a closed room you must open another door and let light and air in. Does that make any sense?
As I say it is easy for me to look at you, or myself in hindsight, and say that? I never did that at the time.
posted by
Azur
on July 16, 2005 at 2:56 PM
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RachelAnna
It's all a process....good days and bad days....moments sometimes. I had to go through it to get to the next place, but it still sucks. :|
posted by
Temple
on July 16, 2005 at 2:50 PM
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Thanks HG....
I have my moments. :) Hope you didn't get stuck in thunder yesterday! There's been so much rain in Texas.
posted by
Temple
on July 16, 2005 at 2:49 PM
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You've come a long way.
Your progress is refreshing.
posted by
RachelAnna
on July 16, 2005 at 12:39 PM
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I'm glad you're a little better now. I will talk to you soon!
posted by
Holy_Grail
on July 15, 2005 at 6:03 PM
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Kiddo, you're a sweetheart, thanks for being in my corner.
You have no idea how much that means. I'm better now than I was in this post, and I go through pissed off and sad and all the shit in cycles. As far as him posting here....he was here first and I guess I felt like he had the right to do so. He did suggest not doing it, going somewhere else, but.....I didn't have any idea how into her he was and how every time he wrote love poems to her (like today) and other shit, that I would just feel like trash sitting on the curb. Insignficant. You don't fall out of love with someone in two weeks, you just don't. But the bottom line is he LIKES her better, she's easier to get along with, no problems, etc. He will barely talk to me because he just can't take it, but I'm not sure why. I'm too much? I agree with you about the posting, I think it's disrespectful....but at the same time, I think he still has a right to do it. I'm a walking mindfuck, no? Don't shut your mouth, being straight up is why we love you, and thanks for thinking I'm special....right now I feel pretty shitty. Jimmy said once that of all the women he'd been with, they had all left him except for two....one he really liked for while but was like 15 years older than him, one that he was unhappy with forever and who was 15 or so years older. Great, now me. Sometimes my head is up, then I remember something, and I have to work at it for a while. Right now, I just would love it if I could take boxing (injury to hand, can't). You're a love, and you deserve much better, much much, too, you know. I hope we both find a different path soon.
posted by
Temple
on July 15, 2005 at 5:15 PM
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what you do is go ahead and give yourself the "Oh my God I'm gonna
die!!" shit out of your system...and you buck that head up! Let yourself hurt, then let yourself heal, then let yourself get a little pissed off at being brushed off like that and then seeing such a disrespect for your feelings by him posting about her on here like that.. I'm sorry, some may disagree, but that is just wrong. I'll shut my mouth, but you are too special to be another broken heart wilting away. Get that pretty head up!
posted by
Kiddo75
on July 15, 2005 at 4:53 PM
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