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Nice pic...missing friends is our way of knowing how important they really
were to us....even though it makes us sad...be well...
posted by
Original_Influence
on July 17, 2005 at 8:09 PM
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Eventually...
...I began to feel through even the antidepressants. Still have the side-effects without alot of the relief. But take me off of them and there is hell to pay. All of my defenses that I used to protect others from my raw anger and contempt have fallen away; so if I come off the stuff, the edginess comes roaring back.
Effexor would be the LAST antidepressant I would recommend to anyone because it has such a miserably painful withdrawal period. Use it ONLY as a last resort.
I should say that my mother was a very sick Bipolar I with psychotic features. So I am paying for her diagnosis even today.
But my decision to climb on board the psychotropic bus was NOT ill-considered or hasty. Mental illnesses always get worse as we get older, and by age 30, I was pretty much a self-medicating mess. Subsequent personal inventories revealed to me that I was suffering terribly from depression and anxiety as far back as when I was a young child. Had the experience been any more intense, I could have very easily snapped into some kind of blood-thirsty monster. So, with all due respect to the Great Depression and Concentration Camp survivors out there, put me in their shoes and I wouldn't have survived very long at all -- my great objective would have been to take as many major offenders with me as I could. People who carry around that much rage inside their head get killed by somebody somewhere along the line...we're asking for it like some people ask for assisted suicide.
I simply would not have been able to stay as quiet as the survivors had to stay in order to live through the ordeal. Too much pain already on board, some of it was even my own.
There was a period of numbness and mild hypomania when I first started taking my meds...but it felt like the weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders. No real high to speak of, just an elevated mood. I finally understood what other people must have been describing when they mentioned they were feeling, "normal."
But, in all honesty, my behavior was pretty reckless and thoughtless. Inconsiderate. There was definitely sublimated anger coming through my attitudes and actions. I acted as if all was well, but anyone who got close to me was subject to my self centeredness and self indulgence. The trade-off was that I finally LIKED myself for the first time in my experience. It is VERY difficult, if not impossible, to have any self esteem, much less anything like healthy boundaries, after years of untreated low-grade depression. It rips everything away. The people who have it so bad they can't get out of bed should count their blessings....getting out of bed and acting out dysfunctionally in the world until you FEEL the world SHOULD hate you is at least as devastating as never having the energy to leave one's bedroom in the first place.
posted by
Volaar
on July 13, 2005 at 2:05 PM
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Ca88andra
Naturopath, a really good one can often help. I share a similar experience than yours. And I agree with you that it requires a lot of discipline. I really have to watch my lifestyle to remain healthy. Love, Vib
posted by
Vibrance
on July 12, 2005 at 3:17 PM
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FactorFiction
Can't wait to read it
Love, Vib
posted by
Vibrance
on July 12, 2005 at 3:16 PM
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ItsRaine
I am so happy for you that finally you were able to find the right dosage and medications. This is wonderful. Love, Vib
posted by
Vibrance
on July 12, 2005 at 3:15 PM
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Okay Vibrance I think I feel a post coming on...
we'll see if it holds until I get time to write it...
posted by
FactorFiction
on July 12, 2005 at 6:29 AM
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A few years ago my then doctor tried to prescribe anti depressants for me. I refused to accept the prescription. I had a friend who was on anti depressants and the change in her was enough to put me off them for life. Instead I went to my naturopath and after many weeks of homeopathics I fought off the depression and the anxiety attacks and have not suffered with them since. Yes, it took time. Yes, it was a more expensive way of seeking a cure. But I would do it again if needs be.
posted by
Ca88andra
on July 12, 2005 at 4:07 AM
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Society and mental health issues are not well understood even today.
I was raised by a mother who has suffered with manic depression all my natural life. We were church-going Christians and depression was seen as a test of our faith. I have struggled with depression for my entire adult life being diagnosed in 2001 after ten years of counseling and Xanax. Since 2002, I was forced into early retirement due to my attempt to realign my mental issues with medication. Since then I have suffered through instability and weight gain with medications like Paxil and Wellbutrin. Through the work of a kind and caring doctor, I have become stable with 300 mg of Effexor each day. I am so happy because for the first time in my life, I am not living without the toxic mood swings of my past. Most importantly since my diagnosis, my two daughters have been able to learn and obtain medical support for their depression. They are learning at an earlier age than I about behavior modification, exercise and diet. I do not care what the likes of Tom Cruise, my church family or anyone else thinks about my "magic pills." First of all they are not magic; they treat the chemical imbalances I have endured since the age of 20. 
I am so sorry about the lost of your friend. Let it be a reminder of how critical it is to take of you!
Your loved ones are depending it.
posted by
ItsRaine
on July 11, 2005 at 5:43 PM
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You are right, it's probably more rampant than we think.
But in today's society there seems to be some "magical little pill" for everything. That in itself is psrt of the problem; as it's nearly to the point of abuse. Glad to see you have gotten control; keep it up!
posted by
David1Spirit
on July 11, 2005 at 8:41 AM
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Vibrance,
I think everything you say is true. Probably at least twice as many people are taking antidepressants as will admit, because of society's stigma. I have often wondered if they would help me, but I just resist...not because of the stigma but because I don't like the idea of them. Although I am sure they are helpful to many people, as you say, some think of them as a magic bullet to take away all of life's pain...ain't gonna happen no matter how many you take. Excellent post!
posted by
Julia.
on July 11, 2005 at 8:24 AM
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