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MiaElla, I hope it's not too late...

I have been lazy about reading, so I just got to this.  First, sorry about your brother.  I think this poem is beautiful.  Did you ask Ariala about it, or has she commented already?  She knows a lot about poetry.  She'd tell you you don't need to capitalize every line, but in my school textbooks poetry was capitalized at every line, so I don't know.   

For Wakely

 

My little girl, please don’t cry

Although my time on earth was young, how about "short" instead of "young"? 

For I have loved you always  do you really need "for"?

And although I am gone, I love you still

For you are every bit a part of me

And the only joy I’ve known

My perfect creation, my princess

I was born to be your father, born

To teach you love and happiness

In which I never faltered, but hoped

That you would carry my gift

In your heart for all eternity  suggest just write "eternity", because eternity includes "all" as in all time

For there was never a father

Who loved his daughter more

Or who was as blessed as me    "me" should be "I am," "Or who was as blessed as I am."

 

Very nice poem, very thoughtful.     

posted by Dyl_Pickle on February 22, 2005 at 6:50 PM | link to this | reply

Mia, thank you, hope you feel better. Hugs, sue

posted by Star5_ on February 22, 2005 at 10:09 AM | link to this | reply

9457sue

So very beautiful...

Thank you.

posted by MiaElla on February 22, 2005 at 10:06 AM | link to this | reply

Mia, it is touching......

Dear  Walkey,

Every word you say,

Every step you take,

Every smile you share

I see from here.......

My little darling

You are always my tresure

You are always my dream

Every where you shine

Every where you accomplish

Daddy will see you from here

And remeber I am with you

In every breeze hugs you

I share the joy......

I am here watching over you.

posted by Star5_ on February 22, 2005 at 10:04 AM | link to this | reply

Mia,
Yours is very nice and I see you have quite a few suggestions...I do like the idea of personalizing it...

posted by Original_Influence on February 19, 2005 at 6:43 PM | link to this | reply

Mia, you've gotten some great input here, so I feel sufficiently intimidated by all the great poets. My best to you, though.

posted by Julia. on February 19, 2005 at 6:43 PM | link to this | reply

For Wakely

For a while,
My Child,
you will not see me in the house
But you will feel me in your heart
And know
that though
I cannot hold your hand in mine
In spirit, I 'll be always near:
I am not gone
For Life goes on...

posted by Ciel on February 19, 2005 at 4:53 PM | link to this | reply

my little girl Wakely
look up to the stars
daddy now is a shimmer
a twinkle in the sky

lovely woman Wakely
look up to the stars
father is still a here
a glimmer behind your eyes


I suck at this. Feel free to cannibalize if there's anything there...

posted by void-is on February 19, 2005 at 10:25 AM | link to this | reply

many suggestions you have here

posted by _Symphony_ on February 19, 2005 at 9:18 AM | link to this | reply

 Mia, Very touching.  Brought tears.  

posted by EccentricShock on February 19, 2005 at 7:15 AM | link to this | reply

ofcourse i dont mind  

Good luck!   I think youre doing something beautiful that will always be treasured

posted by Tanoolicious on February 18, 2005 at 5:57 PM | link to this | reply

Mia
not too far....lol  Just across the country

posted by ladyofshalott on February 18, 2005 at 5:55 PM | link to this | reply

tanoo

For me, yes...I love sappy. I'm going to print it out and frame it with his pictures (if you don't mind).

But I'm trying to write it in his voice, which is difficult....he could never say "I love you" and definitely wasn't down w/ kisses.

posted by MiaElla on February 18, 2005 at 5:53 PM | link to this | reply

lady

Yes, dogs bark with me....my brother used to sigh and tell me to shut up...haha

for some odd reason his daughter is the only person in the universe that likes my singing.

I now sing only for her.

I'll have to come and hear you sing...how far is NM from nothern florida?

posted by MiaElla on February 18, 2005 at 5:51 PM | link to this | reply

MiaElla--maybe you can use a line or two, if so, very nice. Hope i have
helped a little.  love frank.

posted by scriber on February 18, 2005 at 5:50 PM | link to this | reply

Voyager
Thank you

posted by MiaElla on February 18, 2005 at 5:48 PM | link to this | reply

scriber,
I see where you are going with this...makes it more personal

posted by MiaElla on February 18, 2005 at 5:47 PM | link to this | reply

Ariala

She's three.

We also believe when you die you stay in a place of waiting...in our place you get a taste of where you are going...either heaven or hell....and there is no sense of time....but it's hard to explain this to her, so we just say he is in heaven...ie: moon, stars, clouds, etc.

posted by MiaElla on February 18, 2005 at 5:46 PM | link to this | reply

MIa
lol......I didn't mean it like that.  sorry.  I hope he can.  I sing all the time.  You make dogs bark? LMAO

posted by ladyofshalott on February 18, 2005 at 5:45 PM | link to this | reply

Mia I thought it was sappy but I thought that was what you wanted... no worries you got ideas from it and im happy.... {hug}

posted by Tanoolicious on February 18, 2005 at 5:42 PM | link to this | reply

lady

You have nothing for me....lol...that's okay....he's enjoying your singing...much better than mine...he'd always say dogs would bark

 

posted by MiaElla on February 18, 2005 at 5:41 PM | link to this | reply

This emptyness without you,

can't be described, it's hopeless.

This emptyness without you,

will always be amongst us.

But you are in heaven, awaiting,

and that eases our sorrow.

In peace you rest, contemplaiting,

if we'll join today, or in a far tomorrow.

TAKE CARE! VOYAGER9940

posted by Voyager9940 on February 18, 2005 at 5:40 PM | link to this | reply

tanoo

...would be sappy to my brother...but I loved it...defintiely got ideas from it...beautiful you!

posted by MiaElla on February 18, 2005 at 5:40 PM | link to this | reply

For Wakely

Wakely, please don’t cry

dream happy dreams of me.

For I have loved you always

And although I am gone, our memories

will never die. Wakely, I live on in you

and we must go on be happy.

I love you still for you are

a part of me that is life and always will be.

You are my perfect creation, my princess

I was born to be your father, born

To teach you love and happiness

In which I never faltered, but hoped

That you would carry my gift

In your heart for all eternity

For there was never a father

Who loved his daughter more

Or who was as blessed as me

posted by scriber on February 18, 2005 at 5:34 PM | link to this | reply

MiaElla, this is a very nice little poem that will touch his little girl
when she's old enough to understand.  I don't remember how old she is, but if you could add specific memories to make it even more personalized, that would be good.  (PS: It's hard for me to add to it because I believe people who are dead are asleep, not in Heaven or Hell...at least not until after the judgment and then the Bible says Christ returns and brings his reward with Him...but that's besides the point.)

posted by Ariala on February 18, 2005 at 5:32 PM | link to this | reply

Mia
That poem is wonderful....I would love to help you, but I don't think I could capture what you need. 

posted by ladyofshalott on February 18, 2005 at 4:55 PM | link to this | reply

Mia I love it!!

How about adding..

And even though you may never see me again
I'll always be home... the warmth of your heart
Remember, no one can remove me from your heart
You alone choose to keep me with you forever
If im not by your side it doesnt mean im gone
Smile, cry and laugh with you... listen for my voice
If you concentrate you will hear my footsteps by yours
On the clouds of Heaven I'll float to guard you
Maybe one day we'll float on that cloud together

posted by Tanoolicious on February 18, 2005 at 4:54 PM | link to this | reply