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Oh, Chrissy, you're a man after my own heart.
I loathe the lazy, faking, poor me-poor me jerk-off's.
"I'm disabled and can't work cause I have a reoccuring hang nail and I was born without a pinky toe so I need a special parking space. Oh, and I only robbed that convenient store with a stolen gun cause I needed money to feed my 12 kids and I wouldn't have done something like that if my parents weren't divoced when I was 5 and my brother went to prison so I had a bad childhood. By the way, can you cash this government check for me?" It's all here, too, my friend.
And yes, we also cater to illegal immigrants; especially when they're sick and lazy. My favourite thing (sorry, I had to spell it like that) is when an illegal immigrant comes here to have her kid so it's an American and her free ticket to live here and we also foot the bill for her hospital stay and beyond.
"Give us your tired, your poor,..." PUKE.
posted by
SpitFire70
on January 30, 2005 at 1:14 PM
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Jemmie211
Ooh don't you start! Actually, you may be right...damn, now I'm even confuseder.
posted by
chris2303
on January 30, 2005 at 1:59 AM
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Shavonne
You're right, I definitely should have explained that I was referring to the system in Britain and not in the United States. But then again I didn't want to include a long winded explanation in what was supposed to be a short, snappy rant, as such. However, it should have been clearer...still, I love all of you, my American buddies.
posted by
chris2303
on January 30, 2005 at 1:57 AM
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You damn British can't do anything right! It's a hood, not a bonnet!
posted by
Jemmie211
on January 30, 2005 at 1:56 AM
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And Damon...
A bonnet is also the front part of a car, or at least it is down south. 'Pop the bonnet' - have you never heard that said before? It's true, I swear!
posted by
chris2303
on January 30, 2005 at 1:49 AM
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Damon
What on Earth is a bumoper? Hang on, let me check you said that right....yep, you definitely said bumoper. What the fuck is a bumoper, Damon? You're just confusing things around here....
Moohahahaha
posted by
chris2303
on January 30, 2005 at 1:48 AM
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renigade3
Haha, actually I suppose it's easy to think America is the centre of the universe when everyone else is trying to become one or trying to live there. If I had a choice in the matter I'd be over your way like a bullet. Britain sucks ass, as you Yanks say.
posted by
chris2303
on January 30, 2005 at 1:46 AM
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RachelAnna
Thanks! It's nice to know I have homeboys who catch my drift. And certainly, American girls do have accents, and they usually sound sexy. Perhaps it's the novelty factor of it all, I don't know...phwoar...
posted by
chris2303
on January 30, 2005 at 1:43 AM
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DEVILINME1
Yes you do, I am very trouble indeed! moohaha
posted by
chris2303
on January 30, 2005 at 1:40 AM
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Ya know, the average American has never gone further than their backyard. That's why many of them voted for Bush. It's also why they think their shit don't stank. We've (I should say) gotten used to the smell of own, and to us it smells like flowers. Now I have this theory that if Americans ventured to other countries for once, and came back to the good ole U.S. of A, they've come to realize our shit actually smells worse than the rest of the world's shit and that our way isn't the ONLY way. My apologies to you Chris for being a typical American. And I mean this with all sincerity.
Shavonne
posted by
Shavonne
on January 30, 2005 at 12:26 AM
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I've never been to the U.K., so yes, I was reading your post with America
in mind. Sorry. You should put some kind of note at the beginning of your posts so we stupid Americans (and I couldn't agree with you more, look who are president is) will know what you're talking about.
posted by
Shavonne
on January 29, 2005 at 6:07 PM
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renegade
That is it. You say to him what I could not think of.
posted by
Justi
on January 29, 2005 at 12:18 PM
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I Just Popped in...
...to let you know that an American fender is a British bumoper, NOT a bonnet.
A bonnet is something girls wore on their heads a hundred years ago.
It's also what Americans call a hood. Which is not to be confused with what boys wear on their heads now, nor with the short version of hoodlum.
Hope that's clear.
Damon the Pedant.
posted by
DamonLeigh
on January 29, 2005 at 12:15 PM
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WHAT???AMERICA ISN"T THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE? You've
got to be kidding! We are in between Canada and Mexico, doesn't that count for something? And let's not forget, half of Mexico IS trying to swim here at this very moment, so we must be doing something right, if you ask me. And quit putting those damned "u's" in all your words, really it just aint right fer you to do that, you crazy Brit. We Americans just don't get it!
posted by
Renigade
on January 29, 2005 at 9:34 AM
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Hahaha!
Good post, I definitely found the humor in it. Then again, I can laugh at pretty much anything you write.
Yup, I do think American's are ignorant. And well, I speak from my personal experience. American's are guilty of thinking that we are all there is, and we don't think outside the box as much as we should. Of course, this is a generalization, but it's definitely a widespread way of thinking.
You find girls with American accents sexy? Haha! American girls have accents?
posted by
RachelAnna
on January 29, 2005 at 9:23 AM
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Chris...lol.. I didn't know about the situation over there..and I have to
say..either way I was going to let you slide ..lol......see, I always pick the trouble boys...:)
posted by
Kiddo75
on January 29, 2005 at 8:41 AM
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mark
Oh for goodness sakes...I really don't know what to say...other than I hope you do follow through on that lawsuit...
I have a good pal in a wheelchair who has legs that just don't work. He can't do the cool stuff your friend can do, but he does let me sit on his lap when we're out.
posted by
chris2303
on January 29, 2005 at 5:51 AM
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Fat people get away with it because they have Richard Simmons on their side. How many happy homo midgets do you have working for you? HAPPY homo midgets.
I have a close friend who was born without legs. Born without them. And the only thing that pisses him off about it is other people (without any handicaps other than low brain voltage) talking about the poor disabled.
He does have two 'stubs'...and the chics seem to go for that. Bastard.
He did the New York Marathon last year on his skateboard. I'm filing a lawsuit against him for unfair advantage on behalf of all of us legless-challenged bipods.
posted by
mark2556
on January 29, 2005 at 5:46 AM
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Thanks sassyass
Haha, liked your remark about the cavities and your English heritage! Actually, I think an American accent is very sexy (on a woman)...or maybe its the women themselves I find more sexy...?
As far as the disability thing goes, people who are faking it in this country get away with it. It really is a sick joke that we all have to put up with everyday. It's exactly the same as illegal immigrants. Instead of sending them back home, we house them , feed them, pay for them to have cars and mobile phones and all the sports clothing...
And hey, at least you still got a set of straight teeth out of it!
posted by
chris2303
on January 29, 2005 at 5:45 AM
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Ariala
Yes...I was wrong to do that...on all levels...
posted by
chris2303
on January 29, 2005 at 5:40 AM
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I have to say Chris
That you make some really good points. Americans also fake injuries, are lazy blobs and take advantage of the system. Unfortunately, we must live by laws in this country and follow what our leader tells us to do also. Minimum wage here is awful and we have too many homeless people. My belief is that this is a direct result from releasing them from mental institutions back in the 60's. I have always had a fascination with the UK, now I know why. My ancestors are from there. I only recently found this out. That finally explains the teeth thing. Mine of course are straight, but I have too many cavities which requires requent visits to the dentist. They are outrageously expensive here. I love English terms like bonnet, lift, rounda bout, Bobs your uncle, and cheeky monkey. I also love the accent. I know its not an accent to you guys, but us Americans find it crazy sexy. Great post!
posted by
Sherri_G
on January 29, 2005 at 5:35 AM
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Chris, I always get you...except when you tell me that Peter Pan isn't real
posted by
Ariala
on January 29, 2005 at 5:34 AM
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mark
Shee-it, I didn't realise I'd angered God with what I was saying. Damn, I thought I was invincible after getting away with years of cross breeding and glue sniffing. How come fat people always get away with it?
posted by
chris2303
on January 29, 2005 at 5:31 AM
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WHAMENATOR
You have drugs? And you wasn't even going to share them?
posted by
chris2303
on January 29, 2005 at 5:28 AM
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That's not quite right...diabled parking passes aren't given to lazy people
...They're given to lazy people that are soe incredibly fat that that they're about to collapse under their own weight, and they have permanant scar tissue across their massive guts from the steering wheel chafing against them. They need a 400-watt power-boost accessorie to get their immense asses out of the car, and they grunt and starin so much doing so that they ussually leave a turd behind that's about the size of Norway.
But, that's probably not their fault. They probaly poor self-esteem from childhood, when other children picked on them for smelling bad.
Jesus thinks you're a dick, by the way. That's what local clergy tells me. I don't talk to Jesus, but God says you're toast. I think he means it.
posted by
mark2556
on January 29, 2005 at 5:18 AM
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Chris, as a female.........
wouldn't I be a heroin (intentional mispelling).....Wait, no, that is a drug........well some may said that I am like a drug, or that I seem like I am on drugs, or something like that.........???
posted by
WHAMENATOR
on January 29, 2005 at 5:00 AM
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WHAMENATOR
You know, my motivation for writing this post stemmed from my annoyance at the disabled spots at the gym I go to. There's about 20 parking spaces all told near the gym, half of which are allocated to disabled people. Does that seem right?
Thanks for the comment - I was hoping someone would come up with that. You are my hero.
posted by
chris2303
on January 29, 2005 at 4:45 AM
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Chris2303,
I see it all of the time, when Junior takes Grandma's car and parks in the reserved spaces, just because he can because of the permit.
But did you ever wonder why they have 4 disabled spaces in front of the Health Spa???
posted by
WHAMENATOR
on January 29, 2005 at 4:39 AM
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Justsouno
Did you notice how I didn't blanket all Americans as ignorant? Did you notcice how I also mocked British people? Did you know that three of my best real life riends are very disabled and didn't get offended by the post, instead finding it funny? As did my disabled sister-in-law and her husband.
Of course, colour me rude if you wish, I'm fairly certain I will be bothered about it.
posted by
chris2303
on January 29, 2005 at 4:24 AM
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Wow~~
I read this and tried to give you the benefit of the doubt. I believe I see where you are coming from it would be nice if you would try to do the same for me. In America those taking advantage of the disabled parking are fined. It is a hefty fine too. The other thing is I will not blanket those of your country as dumb, stupid or any other crass titles, as a rule of thumb. I find blatant rudness a character flaw. Rudness is in my definition when you call people names you aren't even talking to, people to whom you have never spoken or written to or read their work. As a rule it seems to me that Americans as a whole are less vulgar. I am sorry you feel put up on but I think you were incredibly rude.
posted by
Justi
on January 29, 2005 at 4:17 AM
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Thanks SYMPHONY
Sorry dear, I'll edit it if you wish...
posted by
chris2303
on January 29, 2005 at 4:00 AM
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I agree... well said....that said it all!
LOL....but you could have edited my awful spelling
take care
posted by
_Symphony_
on January 29, 2005 at 3:55 AM
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That is terrible news...haha
posted by
chris2303
on January 29, 2005 at 3:49 AM
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LOL ...
It is making a come back ~ according to the paper .... LOL
posted by
Dark_Dreamer
on January 29, 2005 at 3:48 AM
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Yuck, spotted dick is a national embarrassment...
as well as tasting disgusting. Another gross meal is bread and butter pudding. Yeah, it's evil...
posted by
chris2303
on January 29, 2005 at 3:47 AM
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Spotted Dick? ....
Laughing too hard ...what a pudding! ... Errr, Spotted Richard, these day's?
posted by
Dark_Dreamer
on January 29, 2005 at 3:45 AM
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Hot totties?
Blimey, where?
posted by
chris2303
on January 29, 2005 at 3:39 AM
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Scrumptious …
hot totties?
posted by
Dark_Dreamer
on January 29, 2005 at 3:36 AM
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Dark Dreamer
Travelling is good for broadening your scope...plus it gives you an opportunity to try out weird foods. ;)
posted by
chris2303
on January 29, 2005 at 3:32 AM
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Kelli: Yeah, sometimes I have one. ;)
posted by
chris2303
on January 29, 2005 at 3:30 AM
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chris2303.....
I have lived in many places around the world and have traveled enough see the ethnocentric views that many North American people have. I am Canadian born (living in Europe temporarily) and having the opportunity to travel, has truly opened my once tunnel vision eyes. There is whole world out there folks! 
posted by
Dark_Dreamer
on January 29, 2005 at 3:20 AM
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Chris, shit I see your point. LOL
posted by
Kelli
on January 29, 2005 at 3:17 AM
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