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Whammie

Kids want us but they also want to be free of us.

That was a terrible thing that happened. Terrible things can happen and as parents we have to accept that we can't be there every moment even with the best will in the world and making the best job of it that we can.

posted by beachbelle on January 9, 2005 at 11:43 AM | link to this | reply

Beachebelle,I would not want the obligation that comes with being a parent.

And there is no place safe, I don't think!

Stevie's little girl got raped in their own home, while he was upstairs, right under his nose.  How can that child ever feel safe in her own home, under the protection of Dad, when some shit like that happens?

There is no safe place for our children, except in our own arms, where we can take the hit first, and that is not flawless, and we cannot keep them there forever, even if they were willing to stay.

Good post!

posted by WHAMENATOR on January 9, 2005 at 11:24 AM | link to this | reply

Oceandancer, these images inform and mislead us

posted by beachbelle on January 9, 2005 at 11:23 AM | link to this | reply

Images that people build lives around. I puzzle over some of mine daily.

posted by Oceandancer on January 9, 2005 at 7:29 AM | link to this | reply

I worry all the time about my children

I panic and the very thought of them growing up to face this awful world....its a big wide world out there and nothing is like what it seems to them.....I wish I could lock them up or wrap them in cotton wool forever...but I know...they must learn ....but it is so frightening..it really is...

posted by _Symphony_ on January 9, 2005 at 4:09 AM | link to this | reply

Billy

Thank you. Leaving need not always mean traveling - it is more about the mind than the miles

posted by beachbelle on January 9, 2005 at 3:09 AM | link to this | reply

beachbelle, great post...only by leaving can we truly see and

safety is cloaked in ignorance until that happens

posted by FreeManWalking on January 9, 2005 at 3:00 AM | link to this | reply

There have always been dangers for children, they change dependent on geographical and social situation. However, instead of  being fearful and locking our children indoors, we should concentrate on giving them the tools they will need to navigate through life. beachbelle - you are very wise to allow your daughter to find her own images...

posted by Ca88andra on January 9, 2005 at 2:22 AM | link to this | reply

If we teach them, they will learn.

posted by Original_Influence on January 8, 2005 at 5:08 PM | link to this | reply

Moondawg

we must give them what tools we can for the journey. That is the best thing my parents did for me

posted by beachbelle on January 8, 2005 at 5:03 PM | link to this | reply

It would be a diservice

to lock away our children just to protect them. We can only do so much and try to teach them as best we can about the dangers they will face, but evetually they must find their own way in the adventure of life.

posted by Moondawg on January 8, 2005 at 3:52 PM | link to this | reply

MerryAnne

I do know. My daughter is two but she has moments of 14 and they are the moments I really have to watch

posted by beachbelle on January 8, 2005 at 3:15 PM | link to this | reply

Benzinha

So sad. Very hard to bear. Yes the biggest tragedy of those who live as they choose with the risks is the emptiness for those left behind when they lose the bet. But can we ask anyone not to live as they choose to appease our worry? Whatever the case it is compromise.
A year ago a neighbor of mine, troubled with many ailments and required to carry a truckload of medication traveled far away on vacation. I fretted in case something might happen and it would be a strain on his wife if they were far away. She knew the risk. They traveled and enjoyed.

A couple of months ago his leg was amputated and he is too weak to walk or travel and lives in one room. But we talked of his trip and it gave him cheer.

Better to die on your feet than live on your knees.

posted by beachbelle on January 8, 2005 at 3:13 PM | link to this | reply

I know what you mean Beach,

but Rachel is only three - and for some reason I have a hard time imagining her as being older and wiser... you know?

posted by MerryAnne on January 8, 2005 at 3:05 PM | link to this | reply

MerryAnne. I do understand

But you know I think we are in danger of conditioning our kids to think they can't do these very normal things.
When my son was eight he traveled on a long haul flight unaccompanied. It was stressful for me mainly but it is good to know that if there was a circumstance where he had to make his own way that he has some knowledge and experience.

posted by beachbelle on January 8, 2005 at 3:00 PM | link to this | reply

bb, this reminded me of a sad journey's end. A Indian fellow, Tohono

O'Odham, from our reservation here in Tucson, rode a bicycle all the way through trerrible dangers from there to Rio, where we all met him and heard of his frightening adventures full of machetes and bandidos. His mother must have been a wreck if she knew about all the near misses he had. Someone finally killed him while he slept on a beach one night in Rio. We couldn't believe it and were all in shock for the longest time.

If my son had proposed the trip, I would have said, "Hell no!" However, my boys joined the Navy and they have never told me even half of their scary stories and some things a mommy just doesn't need to know.

Children should be required to spend their lives in homes right next door to their parent's house, no??? Forever, fer sure. Unless the folks live in a house on the beach on the seas of Indonesia.

You speak to people and enter their hearts. It's why she gave you the cards. Lovely post.

posted by benzinha on January 8, 2005 at 2:56 PM | link to this | reply

I know that my kids aren't as free as I was

when I was in elementary school, on Saturdays my brother and I would jump on our bikes and be gone all day. My Mom never worried. I can't imagine letting Rachel do that.

posted by MerryAnne on January 8, 2005 at 2:50 PM | link to this | reply

Gypsyredhead

Good comment. Cotton wool is not a tool fit for the job

posted by beachbelle on January 8, 2005 at 2:47 PM | link to this | reply

Justsouno

I think we impose too many restrictions on ourselves and our children

posted by beachbelle on January 8, 2005 at 2:46 PM | link to this | reply

Beachbelle

I read all these comments and I think perhaps the mothers of the world do not agree with Scoop that we are all free. 
 

posted by Justi on January 8, 2005 at 2:32 PM | link to this | reply

BB..

I always had my kids walk in front of me at stores because I'd heard so much about kidnappings etc. I taught them at a young age that a "secret" being told by and adult should be told to mommy. I also educated them on protecting themselves. Now they are preteens and I find myself educating them about online predators. It never does end. But I also know that all I can do in the end is provide them with the tools to get through this world on their own. Thought provoking post.

posted by RedHeadedGypsy on January 8, 2005 at 2:21 PM | link to this | reply

Even if it is more dangerous

it is the world our children inhabit and must learn to function within.
Drug problems and gangs were always about even in quieter parts of the world.

posted by beachbelle on January 8, 2005 at 1:55 PM | link to this | reply

I do believe it's somewhat more dangerous today, Beach.

The drug trafficking has given rise to more gangs, etc., than ever before. I live halfway between New York City and Philadelphia and believe me, the dangers now are more prominent. Could be different elsewhere though.

posted by KlaraRoberts on January 8, 2005 at 1:49 PM | link to this | reply

Sorry, Beach. Ari and I seem to be in some kind of universe of our own

today here.

posted by KlaraRoberts on January 8, 2005 at 1:47 PM | link to this | reply

Yeap, touchy feely all the way, Ari.

Jumpy too. Never sit still. Pace, pound on things, etc. when writing. I sound like this, and this is how I am! LOL

posted by KlaraRoberts on January 8, 2005 at 1:46 PM | link to this | reply

Frankenkitty

My son went to a carer so I could walk. Often I would walk down the street with him and find him saying hello to people I didn't know.

posted by beachbelle on January 8, 2005 at 1:42 PM | link to this | reply

Klara and Ariala.

I am not sure it is more dangerous. I think it is that people perceive more dangers and that more people travel now than ever before

posted by beachbelle on January 8, 2005 at 1:41 PM | link to this | reply

My three year old is sitting next to me,

she says, "I get side of you, mom" as she sqeezes into the chair with me. The first day my son got a social life, he was six, I cried. My husband thought it was so funny, but I am not looking forward to doing it again. Take care Beachbelle :)

posted by Flumpystalls3000 on January 8, 2005 at 1:37 PM | link to this | reply

Yeah, kids today sure aren't as safe as they seemed to be in the past.

Klara, you're a "touchy feely" learner?  hehe, I'm an auditorial/visual learner.

posted by Ariala on January 8, 2005 at 1:35 PM | link to this | reply

You're a visual/kinesthetic learner then, Beach. I am pure kinesthetic.

I think with the dangers in the world now, our own children don't have the freedom of discovery that we ourselves did.

posted by KlaraRoberts on January 8, 2005 at 1:33 PM | link to this | reply