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I think love can only be demonstrated directly from a friend.
Perhaps the concept of "tough love" is one that employs the use of outside authority figures. This, I believe, cannot successfully accomplish the goal of loving support of a friend or neighbor, but one must deal with a person kindly and personally in order to be a benefit to their life.
posted by
TARZANA
on December 4, 2004 at 1:27 PM
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Westwend -
Thanks for the comment. You make some good points. And you ask a good question: Is love allowing evil to happen?
posted by
sannhet
on December 3, 2004 at 11:50 AM
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Unicorn -
No, I missed it. Thanks.
posted by
sannhet
on December 3, 2004 at 11:24 AM
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boy!! that's hard.
there are places here and there in all philosophies, including the Bible, that help us to understand that love is not accepting destructive behavior -- there are people that take advantage of people's good will -- they never learn to be self-sufficient.
good example of problems with not being self-sufficient -- the standard (50's traditional -- not so much with other decades or eras) marriage.
man has the job, takes care of all finances and such. woman has kids, stays at home, does housework -- nothing else. husband dies, woman has trouble making ends meet, can't get good job, is befuddled by the finances. if she had been more of an equal partner -- held a job, been part of financial operations, she wouldn't have had all this trouble.
certain things I would never do to my child -- give them soda before they are 10 years old -- particularly cola or caffein containing drinks -- give them everything they ask for, particularly in the supermarket checkout lane -- have them expect that life is just one gift after another -- let them run wild in stores or at home or in other people's homes -- let them take things away from other children -- allow them to have such a sense of possession that they would scream if something is taken away from them (this can lead to problems later on if classmates take something of theirs and get the desired reaction) -- or expect that their every whim is attended to.
destructive behavior -- a lot of which comes from this -- is harmful for not only the object of that behavior (you, for instance), but also for the antagonist -- the source of that behavior -- because that person will eventually reap the results of that behavior -- and it can be very traumatic -- and it can affect them -- to allow destructive behavior -- to let the individual live in that behavior pattern -- this becomes life to that person -- the habit of it becomes ingrained -- like alcoholism or smoking or other habits -- it becomes as necessary environment, if you will -- then when there is a paradigm shift and others do not allow this destructive behavior -- then it is like taking alcohol or drugs away from the individual -- there was dependence upon the behavior -- the person doesn't understand why others aren't catering to him/her -- it is very traumatic for the individual -- the person has been taken out of the environment that gave him/her sustenance, if you will -- it's like a fish out of water.
would you expect a teacher to give a flunking student all "A's"? For the student to learn, he/she would get an "F". The idea is for the student to learn and to improve. Criticizing a person's work helps that person understand his/her errors and to eliminate them.
Yeshua says "Is it lawful, on the Sabbath, to good or to do evil?"
What is love, then? Is it allowing "evil"?
posted by
Xeno-x
on December 3, 2004 at 10:48 AM
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p.s. did you know you misspelled JesUs in your title?
posted by
PastorB
on December 3, 2004 at 9:30 AM
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JustA -
You summarized the overall situation beautifully. What I got out of that summation is that one must react to a situation based on the context of that situation. In my case, the central person in this situation is a product of society, and is not very religious. Therefore, one must react based on these facts. Which would mean using tough love. However, you closed by saying to follow my heart. Which for me right now means trying to balance helping by enabling and helping by cutting off - when the time is right.
posted by
sannhet
on December 3, 2004 at 9:26 AM
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There are two sides to this.
We are heading to what Jesus spoke of, but are far from there. Unconditional love means unconditional acceptance, and it also means offering help without any expectations. Unfortunately, the societies we live in were built and are maintained by “manmade conditions”; we have been taught that wheat has a price…and yet birds eat it for free. It is easy to get caught up in society’s way of doing things (primarily because it is demanded of us), but it is their way of doing things…that creates situations like these. (cause and effect)
All I can say, is let your heart guide you by the minute. Give what “you” feel that you can give…without expectation. When you feel that you can give no more…trust the feeling that “he” places within you. But try to always act with compassion, because all people are not created equal. They deserve equal rights (a right to live by their means and devices)…but they were not created with equal abilities nor equal understandings. Sometimes they have to face their path…and sometimes we have to accept that this is what they must do. Just let your heart guide you.
This is all that I have to offer.
Truth Love...
posted by
justAcarpenter
on December 2, 2004 at 9:50 PM
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Pappy
Thanks for the prayers. It's tough, though somehow we will make it through. Trying to do the right thing is a struggle.
posted by
sannhet
on December 2, 2004 at 6:18 PM
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Jesus also said not to cast pearls to the swine
posted by
PastorB
on December 2, 2004 at 6:17 PM
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sannhet
I am sorry for the trouble that has you wondering. My contact with tough love has to do with throwing out a nineteen year old son who refused to be a supportive member of the family. Always promising to do better, shaping up for short periods, talking a good game but never coming through. They call them enablers when dealing with alcoholics, but it's so much tougher when it's your kid. Tough lessons early are better than hard lessons later on. I'll pray for you.
posted by
pappy
on December 2, 2004 at 6:01 PM
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