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You know, Jemmie...
You might find the GETTING THEM SOBER series helpful. Look either the title or the author - Toby Rice Drews - up on Amazon.com; they're always in print because they're so popular. Drews doesn't make judgments about whether you stay around an alcoholic or not - she just recommends Al-Anon for you. If you need to stay away from your Mom, you need to do that to stay sane. Don't beat up on yourself for it.
posted by
kidnykid
on May 27, 2003 at 10:03 AM
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Hold On...
Hi Jemm,
Moms' and daughters often don't get along as daughters start to grow up. It is especially difficult when there is alcoholism in the household. Just wanted to encourage you to hold on. Hold on to your dreams, your boyfriend, your world and what you have create as a successful 21-year-old journalist. You have many gifts and blessings, both material and intangible.
Remember that your mother is an adult. She can make as many threats as she wants. My Mom would do that too, sometimes subtle, sometimes not. She's made a decision to drink, and as such, has become physically dependent upon alcohol. Hopefully she hasn't become dependent on anything else. She sees the world through the haze of a brain and body effected by alcohol. Deep inside her love for you and other relatives is hiding. I went through love-hate swings with my mother too. It is only natural. I saw my mother self-destruct quietly over many years. It's a scary and confusing process to go through. The amount of self-doubt, insecurity, rage, sadness and terror I went through or stuffed for many years was and is still valid and very intense even today.
I really hope that your mother won't harm herself, because it will put you and the relatives in a painful place. No one should do that to anyone else, but remember it is her choice based upon alcoholic thinking and not because she doesn't love you, Jemm. Please remember that. I know that I used to be really annoyed with people who would say, your mother loves you when I was still so very angry with her. But they were right. I didn't accept the fact of that love until many years later, when it was safe to do so, emotionally, and when I could start crying, getting angry and feeling again.
I hope I haven't said too much.
I admire your courage as you keep walking your positive path. and as you keep writing and defining your life on your own terms. I'm very glad that you have Narci, your girl kitty, your bf and your beautiful islands to bring you serenity and peace.
I always wish the best for you.
SmileRose
posted by
SmileRose
on May 27, 2003 at 3:34 AM
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