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The Grandmother of all Pussies
Jemmie, Dear, I know exactly how you feel. I think many of us can relate to the "Mother from Hell" who demands everything to her specifications without recognizing that her offspring is an individual and not a clone.
Personally, my Mother demanded total perfection from all of her children. Her Son lives thousands of miles away and NEVER comes home to visit. Her youngest daughter has horrible self esteem issues. I am the obsessive compulsive bulimic perfectionist. My sister is now doing the same things to her sons that Mom did to us. "Jake is fat." "Landon is too quiet and shy." "Jake is not making the grades in school" (he is in Kindergarten).
A few years ago, Mother had a major stroke that changed her life. She could no longer be perfect. She could no longer demand perfection from herself or anyone else. She actually got a sense of humor and has become a good friend to be around.
I'm not saying that things will change only when something catastrophic happens to your mother. I am simply saying, something one day will open her eyes, or she will lose her daughter forever.
Oh, and on a side note...I didn't tell my Mother that I was gay until AFTER she had her stroke. I may be obsessive. But I am not stupid. :-)
posted by
CatLadyintheAttic
on May 26, 2003 at 10:33 AM
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my plan ..
Is to shrug it off when it happens ..and then vow that the revenge of proving her wrong will be so sweet.
So yes I am useless and ugly etc etc etc ...
but someday I will prove her wrong and when she truly wants to say that she was there to support me ..I'll calmly explain that she wasn't.
BTW I also agree with everyone else ..you can't give her the power ..you need to continually put it in your head that you have more power because you control yourself. If she is wrong ..then you know she is wrong ..she's human and unfortunately is not always right ....
posted by
Okie
on May 26, 2003 at 8:39 AM
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Hawaii90211
When will you learn to stop caring about her - just forget - and don't care.
I did and it works for me - less expense on b/days, xmas and mother's day too!
posted by
chris2303
on May 26, 2003 at 7:25 AM
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Hey Jemmie
That's what I said about my mom too! Growing up she used to tell me how useless I was--she meant to spur me on to be better, she did--but needless to say, that only bred anger and resentment in me. We fought all the time in my teens and 20's.
Then one day after a particular nasty fight, I had a breakthrough. I suddenly realised that I didn't need her anymore, that I didn't need her approval anymore. And I was free. Things got better after that because I stopped reacting to her so much. She could get angry with me for not behaving the way she wants me to, but I don't give a damn. And corny as this may sound, she does have my best interest at heart, although in a warped way!
posted by
chyi
on May 26, 2003 at 7:21 AM
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so is my mom sometimes, just take some time to cool off
posted by
nizzope
on May 26, 2003 at 7:20 AM
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Stop Giving Her That Power
The best way to get even with someone who wants to fight is not to fight. She starts fighting. Hang up, walk out, drive off before it gets to the point of hurting yourself.
You can't make her change and the sooner you accept that, the sooner you can move on with your life. Look for what you want from her within you. Be your own best friend.
posted by
Whim
on May 26, 2003 at 7:04 AM
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