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Cass, it's terribly disrespectful when co-workers assume you are working ;)
I was only silent because I couldn't, didn't know how, to speak of it. I did talk to friends a little, but it was so tangled. It didn't feel strong, it just felt...defined. Like, this is how it is and it's not for me to mess with it. I appreciate the compliment, though. I feel like being strong can be opening up to people, too, knowing when to be vulnerable. You said, I don't know "this" Andy -- so cute. I mentioned him in the Sex in the Rectory posts as well as Living in the Light. I didn't write about him much because it came on the heels of me and Billy splitting. He does not blog here, but he does have a blog. We met through Buddhist interests. Thanks for being a friend and always supporting me.
Andy will, one day, realize what he let go of. I'm sure of that.
posted by
Temple
on September 6, 2004 at 4:16 PM
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Temple - I did read it all at work, even though I had to close it down three times cos people kept coming into my office. Like how disrespectful were they! Nobody wanted to work much today, there has been some major restructuring happening and apparently its not good for us, but I know nothing of the politics so I'm sort of immune.
I can't believe you went through everything so silently and so alone. I would have been screaming from the rooftops, as I was back in January - its amazing you didn't hear me then. You are so strong. I don't know this Andy, from what you said I'm presuming he was another blogger, but I do know that he has missed out on something very special when he treated you as he did.
You and I both know the things to say when one faces these hurdles, so I won't say them. Just know that I admire you, I think of you and I think you rock!!!
posted by
Ca88andra
on September 3, 2004 at 6:16 AM
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It's so funny, Bella...
Billy emailed me after he finished, too, and the subject was: I'm a rock star. I don't know why either...lessons, love, possibilities, fear. We do it. Best we can do is try to learn from it, I guess. :)
posted by
Temple
on September 2, 2004 at 10:39 PM
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I am a rock star
Sometimes we have to put ourselves through stuff. I don't knowwhy but we do
posted by
beachbelle
on September 2, 2004 at 10:37 PM
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Thanks, Cass, you big sweetie....
I know you are in a bit of a funk, too, so hugs back at ya. I'm more okay than when I wrote the main post. I can't believe you read this mammoth at work! Wow! Take care, love.
posted by
Temple
on September 2, 2004 at 10:32 PM
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Temple - I'm at work, so will answer this later. Just wanted you to know I'm here....*hugs*
posted by
Ca88andra
on September 2, 2004 at 10:28 PM
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The signs....ah, yes, the signs....
I didn't heed them then because it felt premature. I don't regret it really. Even if it wasn't my lesson, there was something there for him. Sometimes that's just the way it goes. You are right about the distance. He couldn't be the guy he was long distance up close, and that's the guy he knew I liked...and who he wanted to be. But, he fell back into comfortable patterns.
I'm healing...I do better with that closure, as do most of us. Takes longer without it. Thanks for such sweet words, Jimmy. You can be an angel yourself. I hope that doesn't mean you close yourself off to real intimacy...because that kind of pain is a nasty bedfellow to it, but it's what we gotta do. Hugs to you. 
posted by
Temple
on September 2, 2004 at 10:26 PM
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I feel for you Temple...
such a centered and forgiving angel of a woman...you had the warning sign, you wrote it...I wasn’t sure, and told him I needed time. He went to great effort to get me to trust him, to open up to him. When I finally started to, he would panic.
Some men are very good long distance, but can't take true intimacy, the net is full of them...women too.
I hope you heal quickly...no one is worth that kind of pain, been there, done that, never again...
posted by
jimmy68
on September 2, 2004 at 9:17 PM
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