My First Husband > Comments on My Last Husband ( thoughts on children)

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If you decide you want to devote the next twenty two years of your life to this child then there are other options than you actually carrying your own biological child. You could consider a surrogate.Could be a solution to you risking your life if your doctor says your body can't make it full term. The cost can vary and you might have to carry insurance for the woman so we are talking ten to twenty thousand dollars, unless there is a family member who would make the sacrifice. Sit down with hubby and come up with some viable plans. It might also be helpful to get a written plan on how you would day to day raise a child. Are you going to stop working or hire a nanny or can you flex your lives that you have built enough to make it all work.....Lots to consider but the good thing is having choices. Family is not just Ozzie and Harriet

posted by the-loanlady on November 12, 2004 at 3:01 PM | link to this | reply

having a child
Do not have a child unless you are absolutly 100% sure that it is what both you and your husband want your life to become. Trust me...I have four of my own and two step-children:)

posted by SincerityAnna on November 9, 2004 at 5:14 PM | link to this | reply

IsSanitNear
Thank you it been a long and difficult path, but either it will happen or wont.

posted by Melodystar on November 4, 2004 at 9:48 AM | link to this | reply

I can't offer anything you haven't already thought of
but I sincerely hope for a resolution you can both live with.

posted by IsSanityNear on November 4, 2004 at 9:43 AM | link to this | reply

SKY5
Thank you my friend.I am sure I will figure it out some day. I hope !

posted by Melodystar on November 4, 2004 at 9:38 AM | link to this | reply

I PRAY FOR YOUR BEST HEALTH AND PEACE

posted by 9STAR on November 4, 2004 at 9:35 AM | link to this | reply

HI~~
I hope you the best in your decision making, for the sake of your health... he should consider you... brings me to ask.. what is his base for asking/ insisting on you having a child for him  knowing of the risk for you? Good Luck... Dear.. I wish you the very best.

posted by ANGELZ_MIND on October 24, 2004 at 8:52 AM | link to this | reply

ok, i didn't read what anyone else wrote, but Melody...
If he is so hell bent on having children, tell him to squeeze one out himself.  Melody, I love kids, but it's not right that he ask you to risk your life.  He should love you whether you give him children or not.  Not trying to sound preachy or nuts, but you are such a sweetie, you should be enough for him.  Really any man you've ever been with should have been kissing the ground you walk on.  What a great person you are.  Love, Gina

posted by Gheeghee on August 18, 2004 at 11:02 PM | link to this | reply

Here's hoping that you have made a decision that both of you are OK with.

posted by word.smith on August 18, 2004 at 5:20 PM | link to this | reply

Hugs N Kisses here it is.

posted by Melodystar on August 18, 2004 at 2:12 PM | link to this | reply

Melodystar
At the end of the day - it is your choice, not his. Take your time and be sure in your decision.

posted by littlemspickles on August 17, 2004 at 10:36 AM | link to this | reply

Littlemspickles, It's a very hard decison, I have spoken to some Doctors they have different views on the whole thing. I just don't want to go the rest of my life without with atleast one child. My husband wants his own beofre he will adopt. I am so scared and confused. Thnak you so much for stopping by.

posted by Melodystar on August 17, 2004 at 10:30 AM | link to this | reply

It's your body and it's your life...
If your husband truly loves you then he should realise this. Having children is a wonderful, but it's the love and the passion that makes a family unit. If you were not to make it during the birth, would he still love the child - especially with the memory that the child took your life? How would your child feel as well? It could go either way - they might love you for giving them a chance in life or they could resent you for the guilt trip they feel in surviving. It's a big decision - one that you need to be certain of and should probably discuss with your doctor as well as your husband in a lot more detail before you make a decision. Good luck.

posted by littlemspickles on August 17, 2004 at 10:23 AM | link to this | reply

Original Influence, Thank you for reading.

posted by Melodystar on August 12, 2004 at 5:08 PM | link to this | reply

Melodystar,
Think about all the possible scenarios...the one that scares you the least, may be the answer....take your time at least...it's a big decision...take care!

posted by Original_Influence on August 12, 2004 at 4:47 PM | link to this | reply

Man Boy , Thanks for the advise and for reading.

posted by Melodystar on August 12, 2004 at 9:15 AM | link to this | reply

I was hesitant to comment,
but after I read all the supportive voices below I must echo them. You need to decide based on your own best intersts and feelings wherever your body is concerned. God luck to you.

posted by man-boy on August 12, 2004 at 9:07 AM | link to this | reply

another thought
Hi Melody - well I found you so I guess I'm getting this blogging thing :)  Melody,  I think its about BEING parents, not having children. Do you both want to give the nurturing and protection that a child deserves? If there is any hesitation for any reason in answering this question, then I wouldn't do it. And if your life is at stake, how could he risk you?????  I know this sounds strong, but please believe me it comes with the sincere intention of trying to help.....

posted by Psych_Scribe on August 10, 2004 at 6:55 PM | link to this | reply

I am just not sure of anything, my husband have been through some horrible things, and I have a hard time trusting, and the fact am I really ready to risk it all? Thanks for reading

posted by Melodystar on August 5, 2004 at 2:54 PM | link to this | reply

if you are healthy, if can have one, andif you love your husband........
so many if's joins together for a final decision, but god is the ultimate decision, if god willing, everything happens in it's own place........

posted by 9STAR on August 5, 2004 at 2:50 PM | link to this | reply

the medical vs. age factor..

is it due to medical reasons that puts you at high risk or is it the age factor? 

you should only ever bring a child into your life becuase it's the best thing for you.  it's a life long commitment, and yes.. childbirth is very scarey.. 

i dont know if you have any children, or if this would be  your first..  i had my first child when i was 16.  he just turned 17 last month...  and i just found out i'm pregnant with my second child.  i'm now 33.  and it's very scarey thinking about all the risks involved,  and yet exciting with all the new technology and information you can obtain thanks to the internet highway..

good luck on your journey.  you and only you know what's right for you.   and with the help of your doctor you'll be able to find out if adoption is the best option for you.. and it's a really great option.  i hope to adopt in the future as well.

 

posted by daisysface on August 3, 2004 at 3:09 PM | link to this | reply

Anyone who would risk your life for a desire of his own,
is not a fair person. That is selfish of him. Besides, if this man can not deal with an unwell you- than how would he deal with your child if the child was unwell? Would you risk that kind of selfish person to raise your baby if something happened to you? Just my thoughts, I am so sorry for your predicament. Take care.

posted by Flumpystalls3000 on July 31, 2004 at 7:29 PM | link to this | reply

The most important person is you. You decide. On the medical health issue, have a doctor give you the professional opinion. Adoption is an option. May be pray for guidance on this.

posted by mariantonia on July 28, 2004 at 11:55 PM | link to this | reply

sassyass 64 , I wish that was so. He really wants one. It scares me. Thanks for stopping by.

posted by Melodystar on July 28, 2004 at 3:29 PM | link to this | reply

What good would it do
to bring a child into this world without having its mother? You must think of your health first. If he truly loves you, it won't matter anyway.

posted by sassyass_64 on July 28, 2004 at 3:13 PM | link to this | reply

It gives me chills also, thanks Miaella

posted by Melodystar on July 27, 2004 at 11:27 AM | link to this | reply

I had a friend who didn't want a baby.
She wasn't ready, but her husband kept insisting.  Everyday he'd tell her he wanted a child until one day she gave in and got pregnant.  A week after her son was born her husband got in a horrible tractor accident and died.  She thought he knew he was going to die all along - and couldn't bear the thought of leaving her alone. The child was his gift to her.  It still gives me chills thinking about it.  My friend is in her late fifties now and has never remarried.

posted by MiaElla on July 27, 2004 at 11:22 AM | link to this | reply

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