Comments on Sonnet for the start of June; May you have great vim and fortitude!

Go to Poetricks: Blogitania Rules of Riting Right, Etc. - Add a comment - Go to Sonnet for the start of June; May you have great vim and fortitude!

sorry.........I know the pain........

posted by onRain on June 8, 2004 at 10:33 PM | link to this | reply

Faranya, we r blessed to have great teachers on Blogit

I liked your detailed criticism, and No, I do not mind the length. Again it's a pleasure and great help to me (and others, I'm sure). In a previous incarnation I too taught high school English, but mostly history.

posted by salem8 on June 6, 2004 at 7:00 PM | link to this | reply

Interesting variation of the contemporary sonnet; it seems a blend of English and Italian since the former doesn't use the octet and concludes with the couplet, but the latter usually includes a volta at L9, where you've also placed it. Lack of rhyme and IP verifies your "loosely based" comment. Removing the stanza breaks would also remove the signals that identify the original form, so you're wise to be using them. Metrically, it reads as a sort of accentual tetrameter. Of course, everyone scans differently.

I like the use of sonic elements such as plosive alliteration in L4, because the b sounds forceful as befits an invasion. You incorporate a fair bit of alliteration, in fact. I also enjoyed your mocking take on the mantra, "cancer has an answer", which has been heard so often. I absolutely loved the fun consonance of conquer/canker!

The warfare metaphors work very well in this context. I've enjoyed reading this.

posted by faranya on June 6, 2004 at 2:18 PM | link to this | reply

TY Eccentric center ofmyuniverse

U always make me feel great. Leave that ingrate forever!

posted by salem8 on June 4, 2004 at 11:21 PM | link to this | reply

Great nils - but sad yes.

Only you. 

posted by EccentricShock on June 4, 2004 at 10:46 PM | link to this | reply

thanks for reading.

Poetry styles may be different, but I'm still the same - in trying to be the best human being I can be. Idealistic rubbish? But I can't help it, in my genes...TY

posted by salem8 on June 4, 2004 at 9:33 AM | link to this | reply

it's very different

posted by onRain on June 4, 2004 at 8:29 AM | link to this | reply