Comments on Sudden Exit - "Circle Story"

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I have declare the Critter Circle to be dead.  If you would like me to fill out the critique sheet for your story, please drop me an email and I will email my critiques of your story. Thank you for contributing a story and I'm sorry that my idea just wasn't right for Blogit.

posted by Kay-Ren on July 12, 2004 at 8:07 AM | link to this | reply

Jaded, not getting to say
goodbye was, in fact, the hardest part.  And I took no offense at the criticism. However am I going to get better otherwise?  Thanks again for reading and commenting. 

posted by word.smith on June 2, 2004 at 7:09 PM | link to this | reply

I'm sorry to hear that - it must have been awful experience for you.  It's hard when you don't really get a chance to say goodbye.

Hope you didn't mind the criticism... I offer it because I'd like someone to do the same for me.  One of the reasons I'm here is to improve my writing. 

posted by JadedMind on June 2, 2004 at 3:10 PM | link to this | reply

Thanks for reading Jaded...
Thanks also for your criticism.  I see what you mean about a seamless transition. I think I probably forgot about making it a well-rounded story because it happened just as I wrote it.  I kind of wrote it to get all the emotions out of my system. My mother died just as I wrote it. 

posted by word.smith on June 2, 2004 at 10:02 AM | link to this | reply

I think you did a very good job of describing Nadine's emotions, and the story kept me interested.  The one piece of advise I would offer is to somehow convey what you state in the first two paragraphs (about happiness and the baby) with a descriptive scene (maybe Nadine is nursing the baby and reminiscing) that leads into the scene with Ginny.  It would make the transition a little more seamless in my mind.  It was still a really good piece of writing, though.

posted by JadedMind on June 2, 2004 at 5:59 AM | link to this | reply

you're welcome Kay-Ren

 

posted by word.smith on June 1, 2004 at 6:42 PM | link to this | reply

This is a good 'slice of life' story. Thanks for entering it into the circle.

posted by Kay-Ren on June 1, 2004 at 1:29 PM | link to this | reply

Thanks Ms. Pickles

 

posted by word.smith on May 30, 2004 at 8:26 AM | link to this | reply

wow...
That was great! keep up the good work!

posted by littlemspickles on May 30, 2004 at 3:48 AM | link to this | reply