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shavonne, I am very flattered, you read three posts in a row! Poor baby,
stuck in bed and reading. Hope that you're finding good things to read here. Thanks for choosing me to read through your Demerol haze. Heal, heal, heal........
posted by
benzinha
on June 13, 2004 at 9:40 AM
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How wonderful.
posted by
Shavonne
on June 13, 2004 at 4:56 AM
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bridget, old ladies like me have to butt in sometimes and use what we know
to help move life along in its proper direction, trying to help out where we can. I waited twenty-five years to contact my son's father and that letter took me months to write, to get the 'right voice', to make an open doorway for him to walk through, as I had slammed it shut decades before. It was harder because I was writing for my own son and I had so much 'baggage' to throw away in order to invite him back. I had to let him know that I was not involved in their reunion, other than as letter writer, communicator of truths. He carried around that letter, tucked into his wallet, re-reading it for months before he finally called, urged to by his own father, my son's long lost grandfather.
I couldn't wait that long in Jame's case, knowing of my son-in-law's fears and pain.
I'm so sorry that you lost your father when young. My old father died two years ago and I am grateful for having him around for so very many years. Thanks for reading me and commenting.
posted by
benzinha
on June 5, 2004 at 10:25 AM
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Wow
I don't know how I managed to miss this one before! What a wonderful story. So few of us would have taken the initiative to do something, for fear of "butting in." How wonderful that you showed no such fear. Having lost my father when I was pretty young (well he was lost in a lot of ways when I was much younger) I can appreciate how special it must be to be given a second chance like that.
posted by
Holy_Grail
on June 5, 2004 at 10:02 AM
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vox, wow! when you open up, you write a lot! This post got you, huh? I was
hoping to do that for the people who needed to read something like this, and they are out there wandering the planet.
I wanted to evoke memories, feelings, buried and raggedy old hurtful things that won't mold and composte themselves, the stumbling places on life's path, the freeway loops that won't let us go on, but feed us back into them over and over again.
I go into an almost meditative state when writing for others. I envision the impatient reader, the disbeliever, and the reader who knows me well. I write for all of them, hoping to invite them to stay with my words, my mood lighting, the glow of good emotions.
I do try to use just the right amount of words, paragraphs, etc. and cut myself short, I could go on for boring hours and do in real life somedays, conversationally. The writing part of life, is to teach me to cut it short, get to the chase, communicate succinctly and leave. I'm glad that you slid your naked butt down that glide rock, even though you had emotions, memories whacking your face and shoulders like giant fern leaves overhanging that slide.
I do have to separate myself a bit, emotionally, to write about emotional things or I may negatively change opinions as I write, closing doors, rather than opening them as I hope to do. I put myself in an OM sort of state as I hover over the keyboard, forgetting the sassy red spiked hair that sits upon my head and the strong attitudes that it contains, ignoring the youthful Converse hightops that embrace my arthritic old feet and I mentally put on the old dusty robes of the tribal sage and elder and then speak, thoughtfully, within the circle of light cast upon me by the village firelight. My persona here on the BN is that of loving grandmother and I try to maintain it in my posts, though I don't always succeed.
I changed the word "take" as you suggested, and you are always right, to 'passively embrace' which was more my true state, showing inactivity and passive, albeit loving acceptance. Thanks for the longest comment, so thoughtful and helpful and what I yearn for on the BN....another writer's thoughts on my writing.
posted by
benzinha
on June 5, 2004 at 9:41 AM
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Frair, getting a direction in life from an old sinner like me? Scary!!!
I have only tried to examine life, learn its lessons and then apply them in this old age of mine.
Our time is short and there is so much to learn, to pass on, to enjoy. I have found that love is the key and have discovered that there are seven hundred and eighty thousand ways to show it. Your comment made me feel unworthy, rather than worthy of praise, as you have chosen a life of 'deliberate good works' and mine are often accidental or serendipitous.
posted by
benzinha
on June 5, 2004 at 9:08 AM
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telynor, thanks for the blessing. I need all that I can get. I was so heart
-less in my youth, or not, but not working on gathering blessings, surely. I am trying to make up for thoughtless youth in my older age time here on Earth. Thanks again.
posted by
benzinha
on June 5, 2004 at 9:04 AM
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Reading this was somewhat hard (but welcome) for me. Although the situation brought to the surface of my mind by your story is rather different, elements, smackings of it, brought back some very old memories (well, okay, old ones). I don't really wish to comment much more on it other than it seems, by how I am interpreting your tone here, that you think about it very seriously when you do think about it and took care to get your emotional climate down properly. Oddly, that's what I see here along with some very fine craftswomanship in general.
I must also write that I sincerely love the way your organization of thought works. There are the right amount of words, sentences, and paragraphs in a typical post of yours, this being no different, and I find myself sliding thorough it like a naked buttocks sliding down a cool, refreshing, mountain stream on a cool, smooth, granite base.
I don't know. I'm almost afraid to write this, but I really must ask: did this have the effect on you it seems and did you intend to include it in your piece on this - a somewhat raw, almost monotone, contemplative recollection practically removed from who you know yourself to be? Please forgive me if that reads like I’ve lost it completely. There's no need to respond to that, really. Simply know that is how I interpreted it - and had very warm feelings with you once I knew where you were going with it. If nothing else, this particular writing has ensured my continued reading of your wonderful mind. You have such a magnificent magical neurobox filled all the way to the brim with a life - a real life that was filled with marvelous happenings. I do hope you get much more from inside of that box out and down. I will read them as time allows me. I can assure you of that. These are the kinds of stories that many people don’t have access to - let alone your rather removed but analytical and open point of view and take. Makes me feel like family in a way - and there is no greater reward that I, personally, can get from another’s writing aside from the general feeling of not being alone on something. You’ve accomplished the former right here.
Thank you so much for your continued posts. I really enjoy you.
"I couldn’t take his pain any longer and felt that I had not done enough to show him that I loved him unconditionally. . ." one very small and humble suggestion: this opening paragraph line threw me a tad. I believe the hitch begins and ends with the word "take". There are many other words, in my most respectful opinion, that would be more appropriately used here and with a stronger clarification of your intention. It begins in such a way that leads me to believe you are more fed up here than in sympathy to his pain. The sentence goes on for long enough that I don’t discover until further into it what your true feeling is. You know I’m never going to make this seem a correction - but perhaps a slight revision is needed there for clarity’s sake? I agree that it is both a good and sturdy sentence, but think you might be able to come up with a better single word to use. I’m being bold here because I believe you’ll agree in the end. Such a writing and recollection as this deserves your care in word choice. A single word can change not only an entire sentence, but also a paragraph if used strategically enough.
Warmest wishes. . .PLC. . .and please keep that circle open.
posted by
univox
on June 5, 2004 at 7:07 AM
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More of this...
and I am going to add you to the list of those who have GREATLY helped me get a direction in life.
posted by
Friar__Tuck
on June 3, 2004 at 6:14 PM
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Bless you for doing this. It's an amazing act of loving kindness and giving.
posted by
telynor
on June 3, 2004 at 9:06 AM
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buxomly wench, I thank you for the kind compliments. It is what I was
reaching for. Thanks for not only reading, but commenting, too.
posted by
benzinha
on June 3, 2004 at 3:24 AM
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maj, I thought that the word for that was 'rectum', not punctum.
posted by
benzinha
on June 3, 2004 at 3:23 AM
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This is seriously beautiful writing, filled with such wisdom and love xx
posted by
Moohahaha
on June 3, 2004 at 2:12 AM
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Someone accused me once
saying the "punctum" meant "asshole". Maybe it does to them....not me. Just means "here!".
posted by
majroj
on June 3, 2004 at 1:35 AM
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exactly, maj....punto final. Done, now on to the next project.
posted by
benzinha
on June 2, 2004 at 11:46 PM
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.
posted by
majroj
on June 2, 2004 at 7:47 AM
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Talion, my family counts on me to ask the difficult questions that they
avoid asking each other. "So, Jamie, you still dating that British barrister that you planned to marry?" Then, others gather around me to whisper, "I'm so glad that you asked her that, we all wanted to know what happened after she left London, but were afraid to ask."
I'm too old to be afraid of anything, anymore. And, I don't really mind my own business, feeling that family is my own business. I don't jump people and I don't confront nor criticize, (then they hide from you) I just openly ask out of curiosity and spread around the info that I discover, when asked. I keep secrets when asked to, but I don't believe in secrets within families, unless absolutely necessary.
James is back from Florida, has his 'own' room in his dad's house now, has been promised some WW II souvenirs and old photos and found out that his 'dad talks to traffic' just like he does. They both are tightly wound, demanding, difficult men who have tough exteriors and cry like babies somedays. He and his dad fell in love again, having done it once via email and phone and now, in person. Life is more than good. It's wonderful. And, they credit my letter and his dad's wife with getting it done, she kept saying, "Call him, call him." My daughter's whole family is going to Florida soon to meet them all in person.
Thanks for reading and commenting, Talion.
posted by
benzinha
on June 1, 2004 at 8:56 PM
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Benzinha
This took a tremendous amount of courage. In the spirit of "minding my own business", I doubt I would've done anything. I commend you and I'm glad there was a happy ending.
posted by
Talion
on May 31, 2004 at 10:34 AM
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Temple, that was how I felt, that a stranger writing would be better for
both of them. It is easy to stand by upon occasion and just let things slide. Other times, you just have to jump in and do something or, at least, try to do something postitive to move events. It would have been a travesty to have just let it go.
Today I received an email photo of the two standing together in Florida. They have the same face, different ages, the same clothing, shoes and legs!!!! It is amazing how similar they are. AND, they have their arms around each other's backs. A kind of Thanks.
Words are wonderful things when used with wonder while acknowledging their power to persuade, to change, to build. Thanks, as usual for commenting and reading.
posted by
benzinha
on May 31, 2004 at 10:19 AM
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I am speechless. This happens almost never.
I rave about you to new writers who moan about no serious writers. I say, hush, go read Benziha and feel awe. Words, language, are my salvation and my gift...my path...my soul. I think carefully crafted heartfelt words can create the door, as well as helping someone to walk through it. I think it helps that you were not James or his father....sometimes words on another's behalf are the most powerful. You are so special, Abuelita.
posted by
Temple
on May 28, 2004 at 10:00 PM
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maj, glad that you posted again. I fear your leaving......this place is
changing and growing into another location that I barely recognize anymore. I sometimes miss the Home Page covered with crabby's exclamation points, Mighty Holy Warrior's blog reader baiting techniques and many others.
posted by
benzinha
on May 28, 2004 at 12:01 AM
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decshak, my SIL's dad didn't believe that James was his either, but the
photo exchange sure changed that quickly. And my grandson, James' son, looks exactly 100% like the photos of his grandfather, James' father, when he was a little boy. Faces often tell the story. DNA testing confirms things when people want to go that far. Sorry to hear this about your father. Thanks for reading and commenting here.
posted by
benzinha
on May 27, 2004 at 11:58 PM
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it can.
posted by
majroj
on May 27, 2004 at 10:11 AM
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I enjoyed this but I fear my own inability to reach my father
is not something that anybody would want to think about. He just plain out didn't believe I was his.
posted by
WindTapper
on May 27, 2004 at 6:22 AM
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majroj, sure do miss your voice. Thanks for the thumbs up. Writing can be
more than just an ego filling thing, it can actually move mountains, you think? I do. Good to hear from you.
posted by
benzinha
on May 27, 2004 at 12:22 AM
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AuntiKenobi, neither of us sucks. What am I saying? We both write
with emotions out there and flying like flags in a stiff breeze, signalling the world.
posted by
benzinha
on May 27, 2004 at 12:21 AM
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ginnieb, thanks, I think I done good, too. Thanks for commenting.
Words are powerful things, aren't they?
posted by
benzinha
on May 27, 2004 at 12:19 AM
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An author moves books. A writer can move lives no matter how.
Done good.
posted by
majroj
on May 26, 2004 at 9:50 PM
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your children are very lucky
to have a benzi like you. I bow to your very powerful writing. I suck! You un-suck!
posted by
LadyKenobi
on May 26, 2004 at 9:33 PM
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benzinha...
...what a beautiful story of the power of love and the power of words!! You sure done good!!
posted by
ginnieb
on May 26, 2004 at 3:31 PM
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Nevermind, My computer maybe? It was stuck for 10 min on MontBlanc.....
on his last post.......showing 0 minutes for over ten minutes.....
posted by
benzinha
on May 26, 2004 at 12:48 PM
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HOME PAGE Stuck!!! Anyone else notice this??!? It's stuck and not moving.
New posts are not showing, only comments.....hmmmmmm.....willl I lose another post today? Erased from Blogit once again? Is this happening on your computer??
posted by
benzinha
on May 26, 2004 at 12:44 PM
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Passionflower, I'm glad that it touched you as I had hoped it would. Life
is good and today, I'm sure of it.
I had hoped that some people might read it and do what I have done twice, write an open door letter to someone, for them to walk back through and find love and forgiveness inside this new abode.
Thanks for reading and thanks so very much for commenting. I really appreciate it.
posted by
benzinha
on May 26, 2004 at 12:21 PM
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What an amazing piece of writing this is! Thank you for sharing your family's story with us. This is touching and well-written to boot.
posted by
Passionflower
on May 26, 2004 at 12:11 PM
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