I Do, Adieu - Blogithttp://www.blogit.com/Blogs/Blog.aspx/flappergirl/My wedding day was exactly as I had planned it. My marriage, on the other hand, and well my life since that day has spiraled out of control. So here are my thoughts on my life as it unravels.hourly12000-01-01T12:00+00:00http://www.blogit.com/Blogs/Blog.aspx/flappergirl/660602On my search to figure out who I am, I've realized this: Who I've become trying to be someone I never was for someone who never knew me is now as much a part of me as the parts of me I've lost.Rough day...http://www.blogit.com/Blogs/Blog.aspx/flappergirl/605101I am gonna ramble here for a bit, cause I need to. I am having a bad day with stbx. People say God doesn’t make mistakes, but I think He did with me. I am a mistake… a big one. I shouldn’t be here. I am not having a pity party; I don’t want sympathy. I just need to understand what my reason is. I...Divorce and 40http://www.blogit.com/Blogs/Blog.aspx/flappergirl/599130Well, I thought it would kill me to turn 40... but it didn't. I did finally go to the doctor to get on an antidepressant. That was hard to do. Several friends have told me it was the best thing they ever did, but I just kept telling myself, "chin up!" I finally realized I was drowning and that I...Today is his birthdayhttp://www.blogit.com/Blogs/Blog.aspx/flappergirl/597649It was his weekend with the boys. But I asked if I could have them last night because I had told the boys we would go pick out a birthday present for their dad and bake him a cake. I didn't tell any of him this, so when I asked him for the boys, he said, "Sure, you can help them pick out their...The guy to my lefthttp://www.blogit.com/Blogs/Blog.aspx/flappergirl/596842I was playing cards last night, just wanted to relax, not think and well, hopefully win some hands. The guy to my left was from my community and our conversation turned to my stbx. He didn't have a lot of good to say about him and said he could tell me a lot of stuff. Well, I am sure he can't...Agreedhttp://www.blogit.com/Blogs/Blog.aspx/flappergirl/596655Yesterday, we met in the middle and agreed on the terms of our divorce. So everything should be finalized in a few days without a big, bad, nasty court hearing. I am relieved about all that, but not so relieved by the finality of my divorce. People keep commenting on how strong of a person I am,...So you know...http://www.blogit.com/Blogs/Blog.aspx/flappergirl/596478Things that make me happy (I had a long talk with stbx yesterday and he said if ever thought he could make me happy, he would give it 200% - I personally think he is being dramatic). Today, I sent him this email So you know: What makes me happy Watching my kids playing, sleeping, working… The way...Is this Normal?http://www.blogit.com/Blogs/Blog.aspx/flappergirl/595759I guess there are books about divorce, but I don't have time. I am in the middle of it all and I need to know: Am I crazy? Will this pass? Do I stay the course? Is this normal? We have been separated for almost a year. We were married 15 years, two small boys. He cheated (and there was verbal and...Rough Times :(http://www.blogit.com/Blogs/Blog.aspx/flappergirl/535913well, we have started trying to negotiate... and it isn't pretty. He can be a pretty decent guy until you start talking money, then he gets nasty, tight, stingy, unwavering. He doesn't think he should have to pay child support. We are sharing custody, so he doesn't see why he should pay, but he..."I Told You So"http://www.blogit.com/Blogs/Blog.aspx/flappergirl/534312Close friends and family are saying, "I'm seeing the person I once knew and loved again." Others have commented, "She seems so happy." There is a noticable change in my disposition. I feel lighter, as if (hate to use the cliche, but...) a ton of weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I know the...