depression, memory issues... enough already!

Thursday, September 20, 2018

I'm pumped up and almost pissed...

Yesterday's argument went bad fast. there have been worse, sure. alright this morning so far. I reached out several times to talk. one sided conversation though. At the moment I am pissed, more sad actually, I wanted to share many ideas. I want to do things. I'm not sure what else to do... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, September 19, 2018

I continue to fail

The more I try, the worse it seems to get. I keep telling myself not to give up... Don't give up on me, on him, on them, on us.. Sign in to see full entry.

How much is too much?

With love it's unconditional. I want it to be forever. Protecting your feelings and heart is what I do. Do you see? I'm not so sure you can anymore.. Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, September 18, 2018

I have changed so much...I don't like me now either...

I need to change so many things... Why do like I feel like this... I don't understand. I want to be one way, one moment and this way the next. I want my core to be as it once was. It will never be the same. Once you are broken, even after the mending is underway, you are never the same. How does... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, September 14, 2018

Headache, stomach hurts..

Can't sleep, I can't eat I know I have to keep going, I know that I will keep going. I have no time to ask how no time to pray.. must breathe.. exhale.. okay... I got this... yes. We got this! Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, September 13, 2018

what I take for granted..

Although it seems everyone is out to get me... everyday it seems I often ask myself, not if they love me no. It's why? Why ask that at all? Enjoy them. Enjoy us. Remember it. Concentrate on it. Brand it into your brain. I take it for granted, that's what I do, I need to refocus. Start a new, don't... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, September 12, 2018


I try to let go...I really do I am reminded so often of the past... I still feel like that child treated like I am a second thought... not important oh yeah, your here too, I forgot when I am continually treated this way it's hard to let go and forgive really very difficult.. Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, September 11, 2018

Patience...never had much of that

I hope to find what it is I am looking for... I am not sure what that is... I search every day for what is wrong.. When am I going to ask myself when is it right? What is it that I am waiting for??? Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, September 10, 2018

The twitches are back...

The last couple of nights they started back. (the tics in my neck) While I was cleaning the kitchen a few minutes ago they started again. I can't stand this. I don't like suffering with this crap. It gets so old. I can't remember the things I want to do. Then day is over once again and nothing is... Sign in to see full entry.

so far so good I suppose

Today not so bad. Letting dinner simmer. Waiting on this hurricane. Trying my best not to let my emotional mind to take over my life. Rational mind is hard to get to for me on a regular basis. Finding a balance, yeah right, pigs fly. It's like my mind races my ideas take over I cannot get them out... Sign in to see full entry.

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