Friday, May 7, 2004
Last Post - March 16th. Define "Daily" For Us, Damon?
No. However, I do have an offering, fresh from Austin in the pub last night. What did Paul McCartney get Heather Mills for her birthday? A plane! (And he got here a LadyShave for the other leg!) BWAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Sign in to see full entry.
posted by DamonLeigh at 11:28 PM Comments (2) (link)
Tuesday, March 16, 2004
Indian Horse-Sense
The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians says that when you discover you are riding dead horse the best strategy is to dismount. In the British Civil Service, however, a whole range of more advance strategies is employed, such as: ∑ Change riders ∑ Buy a stronger whip ∑ Do nothing ∑ This is the way... Sign in to see full entry.
posted by DamonLeigh at 9:45 AM Comments (7) (link)
Monday, February 23, 2004
Hiring an Assassin
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews, and testing were done, there were three finalists. Two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your... Sign in to see full entry.
posted by DamonLeigh at 3:32 AM Comments (5) (link)
Friday, February 13, 2004
Offensive Drowning Jokes
There was a real tragedy last week in the UK. Nineteen Chinese cockle (shellfish) pickers were drowned at Morecombe Bay, an area on the NW coast notorious for quicksands, and a long, fast tide (it goes out FIVE MILES and has a rise of 2 metres). Turns out they were all illegal immigrants, run by a... Sign in to see full entry.
posted by DamonLeigh at 5:50 AM Comments (0) (link)
Thursday, February 12, 2004
The Things I've Learned
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in. I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes. I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.... Sign in to see full entry.
posted by DamonLeigh at 3:39 AM Comments (1) (link)
Friday, February 6, 2004
The Cake Dilemma
A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS, “HONEY, COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY? IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW” HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY; “FIX THE LIGHT, NOW? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE AN ELECTRICIANS LOGO PRINTED ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO!”... Sign in to see full entry.
posted by DamonLeigh at 6:42 AM Comments (4) (link)
Tuesday, February 3, 2004
New Alcohol Warning Labels
Due to increasing products liability litigation, American and Canadian liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA's and Health Canada's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers: WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you... Sign in to see full entry.
posted by DamonLeigh at 11:15 AM Comments (4) (link)
Tax With Humour - Who Would Have Thought It??
This letter from the British Inland Revenue Department was reprinted in The Guardian 27/9/03 Dear Mr Addison, I am writing to you to express our thanks for your more than prompt reply to our latest communication, and also to answer some of the points you raise. I will address them, as ever, in... Sign in to see full entry.
posted by DamonLeigh at 3:32 AM Comments (1) (link)
Friday, January 16, 2004
What Does Golden Eagle Taste Like?
A guy is up in a British court for shooting a golden eagle, which is a protected species here. Judge: Why did you shoot the eagle? Man: I was shooting pheasants, and the eagle just flew into my line of fire. It was a mistake. Judge: Well, what did you do with it then? Man: I ate it. Judge: What did... Sign in to see full entry.
posted by DamonLeigh at 12:45 PM Comments (0) (link)
Saturday, January 10, 2004
The Mental Health Action Line
Thank you for calling the Mental Health Action Line. Your call is important to us. In order for us to deal with it quickly and efficiently, please select one of the following options. If you are suffering from obsessive / compulsive disorder, please press 1, over and over and over again. If you are... Sign in to see full entry.
posted by DamonLeigh at 8:51 AM Comments (3) (link)
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About this Blog
Laughter is the best medicine - wake up grinning, go to bed chuckling, smile at every opportunity. This blog is here to help... Feel free to throw subjects at me and I'll try to accommodate, but don't get me started on animals or we'll be here till yon time.
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