The Flatliner Diaries

By saul_relative - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Bill Makes English Official Language Of West Virginia

Now, I know it's sometimes difficult to understand a down home hillbilly accent from the hollers of West Virginia, but the language is still English, just a regional variant, heavily accented. A couple days ago, an amendment to a bill being pushed through the West Virginia legislature was added at... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, April 11, 2005

Ding Dong, Avon Calling In China

A couple years ago, Avon was driven out of China when a sweeping legislative reform passed that eliminated pyramid schemes and such. Avon got caught up in the far-flung net. Well, it seems that China has reconsidered the legislation and is going to allow Avon back into the country. What I want to... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, April 2, 2005

Turn To The Dark Side Of This Farce

What began as a record-breaking Hollywood special-effects extravaganza has become a pop-culture phenomenon. Marketing for the latest (and supposedly last) episode in the 6-part Star Wars series hit the stores this weekend. Among the new things you'll see (besides all the actions figures and games,... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, March 27, 2005

A New Finger Food At Wendy's

Sales drop reported in the Wendy's California market after the finger-finding incident. And they expected -- what? The Santa Clara Coroner's ME stated that no one has claimed the finger yet. The police are trying to find a fingerprint match. The woman who found it is from Las Vegas. Hmmm. Wonder if... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, March 20, 2005

No Videos, Cameras, Or Tape Recorders In The Delivery Room, Thanks

I just read a story where doctors are limiting the practice of videotaping or picture-taking during a childbirth procedure. Why? Fear of malpractice suits, of course. Personally, when you see the sac break open on that bloody face that already has its mouth wide open in a silent scream that somehow... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Not Saleable

Looking over a fax from my district office at work (I work retail), I was ordered to find an item and pull it from the shelves, then discard immediately. Reason: item was unsaleable. Item description: Natural Piggy Parts. Now, I don't recall ever having seen an unnatural piggy part. In fact, I had... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, March 12, 2005

Drunken Perverts

There is a report out of Florida that a correctional institute for the criminally insane has a population that constantly gets drunk on homemade "buck," has cocaine smuggled into the premises, and that the guardsmen and correctional facility staff know of this scandalous behavior and do nothing to... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, March 7, 2005

Brett Butler, Comedienne Extraordinaire

I saw Brett Butler last night at a comedy club. A packed house, nothing less than a comedienne of her immense talent deserves. For all y'all who do not know who she is, take a stroll down memory lane to a very good and sadly short-lived sitcom called Grace Under Fire. She played Grace, a... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, February 9, 2005

Star Exits In Protest Of Loss of Hubble Telescope

A star that once was part of a binary star system that circled a black hole near the galactic core is about to acheive something scientists have never actually observed: a star with enough velocity to actually escape the gravitational pull of the galaxy. The star is moving at about 1.5 million mph... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, February 7, 2005

The Love Of Driving

Driving. It has become an American tradition, passed down through each successive generation. Some get taught how to drive a little earlier than others. Take, for instance, the Michigan boy who wanted a video so bad that he decided to take his mother's car (without permission, of course) in the... Sign in to see full entry.

Headlines (What is this?)