Daffodils in August

By mneme - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Nonfiction

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Slowly

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=soO0CMnU9Bo Letting go takes time... you were my life for so long... I held on to the future with you, and it got me through. I cannot, still cannot, may not ever understand how or why this happened, why you changed. It is monumental, it is huge for me, not least... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

And

I am having so much trouble concentrating today. It's really just the futility of it all. I'm a slow learner. I feel so stupid, so unsure of myself now. I spent years trying to assimilate myself to this place. When I started at university I became, unexpectedly, much more settled. Time went by; I... Sign in to see full entry.

Oh Oh

Whoops. All self-control went out of the window. I didn't create, attack, accuse... just lost it, in a very quiet, dignified and ladylike manner, when he asked me what I wanted to do (workwise). I said I don't have any idea. I can see that he is quite content to meet with me and talk shop, but that... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Courage

It was early. I took a deep breath before I tapped in the number. A warm voice answered, and seemed to smile a response to my ' good morning.' How are you, we both asked... we were both 'fine.' Both cagey... we have missed each other. I was wondering if you wanted a rain check on some toast... I... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Just wishing ...

I suppose I would have liked for you to have respected more what I went through, and how important it became for me to just go home for a while, to both disentangle myself and to let go my home and my country, before returning to spend the rest of my life here with you. It was quite a shock for me... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Thursday-ish

I think I should probably go home in a little while. I've done almost no work today. This is how it feels when you have no direction, no stability, no social life. Not that it's worth starting one here if I don't know if this is where I want to end up. I'm not about to go out and start anything with... Sign in to see full entry.

Fallout...

I've spent the past two days doing nothing, apart from trying to recover. God knows, I tried so hard to let him go. Eight weeks of counselling towards the end of last year, all undone by the shattering news that the new interest, apparently only met in November, was a serious enough relationship to... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Nuked

The heartbreaker has just told me he's getting married again. I was silent, in shock. I congratulated him; said I hoped he would be happy. I understand, I said, you need the stability. He says it's somewhere in between starting again and settling. He's settling... After I'd made the right noises, I... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, June 6, 2009

In the medical maze again

Having, in my previous post, mentioned both the fold-up bed and the medical system here, it is ironic that both have combined to force me to part with more dollars than I would like to. The bed can't wholly blamed for my present discomfort, since I have been sleeping on it for about six weeks now.... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Adaptation, or something like it.

I live here again. I have no conflict at home now, which is wonderful. About the biggest irritation is my bed, not especially comfortable, but in transient living conditions it will do for now. Once I have a better idea where my life is going to be spent over the next year or so I will do something... Sign in to see full entry.

About this Blog

I have had an unsually complicated life for a long time, and I didn't ask for most of it. I spent almost eighteen years as an expatriate from my home in England and it has been something of a challenge. In writing my story I may be able to unscramble it, assess it and, I hope, turn my experiences to some good. If this helps others in some small way that will be something I guess. It is very much a woman's perception of the effects of undertaking such a venture, at the personal level but also of the impact on family life, which still reverberates and in fact magnifies when the children become adults and make their own choices. In practical terms, I have posted my journals more or less as I wrote them, but from time to time I use italics to indicate where I have added some commentary to the original entry. Names have been replaced by initials or pseudonyms in the interests of privacy.

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